Do you think this is baby blues or depression?

[darrick34]

I'll try to make this short. I'm having 3 major issues. I'll dwell on them a little.

The first is the most important...my baby. He was great the first 2 weeks after we came home...then the little monster in him came out. He is 7 weeks old now. If he's not sleeping he's crying. When he wakes up he wakes up fussy and wants a bottle right away. I rush to make him one but by the time I'm trying to feed him he's red from screaming and takes a few minutes to calm him down. I love my son with all my heart so I feel like a failure. I can't even go out to the store without him giving me a hard time and me having to just leave my groceries there and rush home to sooth him. His doctor told me to give him gas drops and that works 75% of the time. He HATES his swing (what a waste of money!) and will only sit in his bouncer for 15 minutes. He will only sleep for more than an hour in his sleeper but I want him to know that it's only for night time but for the sake of him getting a good nap and my do my house work I let him sleep in it during the day. Online people say it will pass but I want to be able to enjoy my son fully right now because he will never be this small again. WHAT CAN I DO? I am beyond frustrated...

The second is my husband. He says he feels closer to me since having the baby (I had a really hard delivery and he was there every second of it and witnessed everything) but I don't feel that closeness anymore and try everything I can to keep his attention but since he's been stressed at work he really only wants to rest. I understand this completely but since I have long days with the baby I need a little attention when he gets home. I tell him to at least give me the weekends. For it to be just him, me, and the baby but he wants to sleep in. HAS ANYONE ELSE FELT THIS WAY WITH HUSBAND AFTER BABY?

And my third issue is my mother in law and recently my father in law. My MIL is so over bearing and I didn't mind this when I was pregnant but since my son was born I can't even stand being around her. I really like her but she has become stalkerish since I gave birth. When I need to go out she always ask if I want her to watch the baby. NO!! Why would I? What would be the need of that? And she ask every single time. She lives in apt. 1 and we live in apt. 15. When I go out with the baby she ask if I have a blanket or enough milk and it frustrates me because it seems she assumes I don't leave prepared. He wasn't even a week old and she was already asking to watch him. When I go over to visit with her she just snatches the baby from me. We went on a small road trip with my husband and she cam along. I sat in the back seat with the baby and she said on the way back she would sit back there with him. She doesn't even ask me she just makes decisions with out checking with me HIS MOM. One night the baby was being extra fussy and she had just shown up when I was changing his diaper. He was crying while I was doing this when I finished she said GIVE HIM TO ME so I did feeling disrespected as his mother like I couldn't sooth him. It felt so good when he started crying even more with her. She hasn't taken care of a baby for more than 20 years and she walks around acting like I don't know what I'm doing. Motherhood kicked it the moment I layed eyes on my son so even though he's my first I think I'm doing pretty well. So now what I do when she tries to snatch him or call shots I just say NO I GOT IT. And the other day we were at their house and he was sleepy my FIL was carrying him and I could tell he needed to be swaddled so I said here let me wrap him up and he said no it's ok. I asked like 3 times. After that my husband got upset cuz of that and went to grab my son and told me let's go home. He notices what they do but says their just excited to be grandparents and that it's new to them. IT'S NEW TO ME TOO!! Anyone else have issues like this and did it slow down?

[curney13]

Im sure youre sick of hearing it, but it will pass. And youll say "remember when..."
Your body is so crazy right now. Your hormones are going crazy too. This passes. Do you have someone to watch your son while you go to the store or even get some time to yourself? I suggest a wrap for you to wear maybe. This way baby has the comfort of being on you while you have 2 free hands.
As far as the husband goes, mine got on my nervus too for a while. You've been through a lot and your going through a lot. Your tired, your stressed. As the baby starts to settle down, so will you.
As for your in laws... well thats another story. I have a 4 yr old and 9 month old and my MIL still tries to tell me what to do and drives me nuts! I tell mine, "No one knows my baby better then me"
Good Luck

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*Geez, I didn't mean to sound mean in anything I said (3 thumbs down). I just want you to enjoy your baby and husband and know that you're not alone in any of the above statements. Good luck to you and your family. Stay strong mama

[flannagain]

First of all, welcome to motherhood! =)

Now, let me say that this is baby blues, not depression. Believe me I've witnessed post partum depression, and this is not it.

First issue, your son. He may not be entirely comfortable with you because you're not entirely comfortable with him yet. You're a new mother, this is to be expected. Also, when my daughter was 3 weeks old, she had similar issues. At the advice of my mother, I switched her formula from powdered Similac Advanced to Similac Soy Ready-to-Feed. Ready-to-feed Soy is very gentle on their stomach, making digestion easier and gas easier to pass. Be aware it is more expensive though. Soy does tend to constipate them, but I would give my daughter 2oz apple juice/ 1oz water and she would have regular bowel movements.

Second issue, your husband. It's hard for you to feel the "closeness" he's talking about, because you're a new mom and stressed beyond belief. This is natural. This time in your life is a HUGE, GIGANTIC change. BUT, you do still need to try to keep intimate with your husband, in any way, shape, or form. Remember, he has needs as well. This will become easier with time. You don't want to push him away, because trust me, when that baby is inconsolable, it's our men that keep us grounded and keep our sanity.

Third issue, the in-laws. They're obviously excited about the baby, but tell them to back off! You need time with your son and husband to learn how to be a family together. Your husband also needs to tell them to back off. Plain and simple. Keep family visits to once a week.

I'm sorry this is long, but I know how you feel. I'm a mother too. I'm here to help. =)

[adelphos]

Times are tough right now, especially after having a baby! We all get frustrated because we now have a life-altering baby to take care of every second of the day! One thing I'd like to suggest is getting your baby tested for acid reflux - could be the cause of his fussiness.

As far as your husband, efforts will need to be made on both parts in order to keep the love life going!

As far as your MIL - when she tries to over-power you, just say "I got it." Smile and be nice. This is your baby, not hers. You should allot the times she is able to come over and play with him. Get your husband on board with it. But you should take the reins, don't let her. Every time my MIL makes suggestions, I just tell her what I plan on doing instead, LOL! Over time, she will understand you can handle your own son!

[broehain61]

Issue #1: my baby was the same..after the initial sleepy newborn phase she got so noisey and crying. it feels like ur not doing a good job and its so hard and depressing but this is very common and WILL PASS. It sounds like mild depression and being generally tired.

Issue #2 unfortunately many relations break down after the strain of having kids and u both think the other is having an easier day.. ur both drained and tired and have no time for yourselves.

Issue #3 I know she is coming too strong but she is actually trying to do you a favour, to give you a break. She was a mother once to a newborn and those things u dont forget. I think you shouldn't undermine her experience, after all she did raise your husband didnt she?
I wish I had someone willing to look after the baby while I go out.. even if you go for half an hour..he'll cry but it's not the end of the world.. I had no one offering to help because they all didnt want to look after a small newborn and as a result i got so depressed and detached from my child..i was so tired and emotionally unstable..now my baby is a toddler people r happier to look after her while i go out but its been too long in my old life style of being in all the time that i dont even know what to do with myself when i do have babysitting..
believe me, she is trying to help and do u a favour..be grateful that at least u have inlaws from ur own kids flesh and blood eager to look after him

also, when mybaby was small any question like: r u sure he is warm enough? isnt he dressed too light for this weather? could he be hungry? came to me like an accusation of being a bad parent..it really wasnt but being so tired and a new mum made me take those things to heart
so i think u need to have some babysitting, half an hour for u to go half a cup of coffee or a short walk and build to an hour every couple of days
believe me its good u have inlaws like that!!!!!!!!!!


it will get easier, promise