Domestic violence question: I ripped a page out of a library book?

by **marlan43** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:18 pm

First, let me say that I donate books to the library all the time and sometimes a couple of bucks, we buy books from the library to support the friends of the library and I used to volunteer there...

Anyhow, I was reading an otherwise good book and a woman the author interviewed asked, "My husband has hit/beat me only once, shouldn't I forgive him?" The author went on to say that while some cases of domestic violence are legit sometimes women are TRYING to get hit. Why? In his words,

"Once he has lost control and lashed out at his tormentor, she then sports undeniable evidence of his cruelty. She can show her wounds to her friends who gasp at the viciousness of that man. She can press charges...In short, by taking a beating she instantly achieves a moral advantage in the eyes of neighbors, friends, and the law...

In that same spirit, I have seen women belittle and berate their husbands until they set them aflame with rage...Finally, the men reach a point of such frustration that they explode, doing precisely what their wives were begging them to do in the first place."

Reading this made me pretty angry and so I ripped the page carefully out of the book. I have to admit I had a twinge of "uh oh, censorship" but that was after having ripped the page out and his message imo was one that would encourage a woman to stay in a domestically violent situation and blame herself.

I told a friend about it afterwards b/c she's a super-feminist and said she was horrified that I would rip a page out of a book and told another friend and then they both called me back to yell at me. Seriously? I AM an adult. I can understand disagreeing with my decision but they acted like I started World War II and not even for censorship reasons but because I "damaged public property". #The book binding is fine by the way and all of the other pages.#

Anyhow, I would like other people's take on this. Thanks.

by **ealahweemah72** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:20 pm

Everyone's entitled to their own philosophies and beliefs, but you displayed a temper tantrum which exhibits violence in its purest form. You would benefit from councelling if your anger issues are that overwhelming for you to deal with. Koo Koo Ka Choo....

by **dennie18** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:31 pm

Everyone's entitled to their own philosophies and beliefs, but you displayed a temper tantrum which exhibits violence in its purest form. You would benefit from councelling if your anger issues are that overwhelming for you to deal with. Koo Koo Ka Choo....

Instead of acting like a juvenile delinquent, it would be a far better option to contact the library officials, using sensible, mature arguments as to why you feel this book should be banned/restricted from public access.

You acted no better than the same man you try were enraged about. Justifiable crime as long as "the author was asking for it".

EDIT: I don't disagree with you in this situation, just the way you handled it. If a book contains any implicit message supporting violence against another except in cases of self defense, no matter how brief, it should be banned from public access and reviewed.

by **cadby** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:34 pm

Your friends were right to be angry at you. You are an adult, yet you took it upon yourself to destroy other people's property because YOU objected to the statements. I would hope that they report you to the library and you lose you privileges permanently.

by **spengler** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:36 pm

Your friends were right to be angry at you. You are an adult, yet you took it upon yourself to destroy other people's property because YOU objected to the statements. I would hope that they report you to the library and you lose you privileges permanently.

The author was simply expressing his opinion, which he has a right to do. It's called 'Freedom of Speech' or something like that. You, however, were practicing censorship and had no right to tear that page out. Do you also break music CDs you don't like? Hitler burned all the books he didn't like and that deal didn't turn out too well. Make an ADDITIONAL donation to the library in the amount that book sells for and don't destroy public property again and all will be forgiven. Your heart was in the right place, but your brain?.......

by **colfre** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:44 pm

I support what you did. Nothing a woman does give a man a right to be violent with a woman, or be mentally abusive. I doubt you are the first to do that to a book or the last, odds are it may not be noticed for years or never noticed. It hurts when someone thinks a woman deserves abuse. It is like saying when I was told my husband would kill me when I left him, he should kill me... wrong. Good for you for standing up against abuse. PS, I am still alive 7 years later.

by **aenedleah10** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:48 pm

I support what you did. Nothing a woman does give a man a right to be violent with a woman, or be mentally abusive. I doubt you are the first to do that to a book or the last, odds are it may not be noticed for years or never noticed. It hurts when someone thinks a woman deserves abuse. It is like saying when I was told my husband would kill me when I left him, he should kill me... wrong. Good for you for standing up against abuse. PS, I am still alive 7 years later.

My advice is to go back and get the rest of the book. If this steaming pile of B.S. is in it then what did you miss? Censorship is not the removal of out dated information or removal of propaganda. If that was the case news paper editors would all be shot tomorrow. Censorship is the total destruction of other opinions by burning(Nazis), Lies(Communist control of media), or misreporting or ignoring facts(see the main stream media). This was just plain wrong. Could you have handled it better? Yes, I believe so. Personally I would have taken the book and showed it to the head librarian and just let them read it. They might have pulled it themselves.
As for your super-feminist friends. Ignore them. They claim to represent women and the rights of women but instead complain about "damaging public property"? Where is their disgust at what was written? Where was the support of battered women? This kind of pro-governmet fuzzy logic is why I could never back the womens movement. To wishy washy about who they supported and why.

by **pascoe69** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:54 pm

Wow, i see where you are coming from but you need yo know right now that i am a 48 year old woman and I have been away from my abusive ex husband for almost 4 years now.

When the abuse started it was suttle and by the time i left 8.5 years later I was suicidal.

I have 5 brothers and saw how some of their girlfriends treated them. I vowed never to be that way and i am not.

I asked everyone for help from my church to expensive shrinks and doors were constantly closed in my face. I was injured at work and everything fell apart. By the middle of 2008 it was either get out or die.

Today i am still a shell. Still going to group therapy and dealing with what happened. For those of us who really are abused things are harder when a woman taunts and a man looses control. Those of us who were emotionally, socially, and mentally abused, the fight to get out and get help is harder.

No matter what someone says you and only you control your body. If you hit due to what someone says then you are wrong.

I never hit my husband and he said very hurtful things to me. If i would have hit him then i am less of a human than he is.

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