I'm 15 and my stepfather keeps threatening to kick me out?

[karlitis]

Okay so I'm a fifteen year old guy, and I currently live with my mom, stepfathe
r, and two younger brothErs (8&10). My stepfather tells me he hates me frequently, and how he wishes I didnt live in their house. My biological father is extremely poor, and he lives with my third brother (13), my half sister (20) and her three children (twins are 1, and oldest is 3). They all smoke weed and live in a horrible are of my city. My brother is living with them because my stepdad and my mom couldn't deal with him anymore. My mom is bipolar and my brother has many issues that are undiagnosed. Today my mom asked me to pick up a dead mouse, even though she knows I hate things like that, and I said 'no I don't like stuff like that, you know that'! My stepfather proceeded to shove me up all of the stairs in my house, scream at me for an hour, tell my mom they're getting divorced and then smash my cellphone. He also said that my mother had to choose between me or him, and that he couldn't stand me, he hated me, and that he couldn't live here anymore. My mom is very unstable, even with her medication, and by him saying all of this he made everything worse. My mom has been in a psych ward before and it was horrible. My stepfather doesn't care about anything other than having a clean house. He asks me to do upwards of a hundred jobs around the house every day, just cleaning up after people, and then he tells me how worthless I am and how I never do anything. He always compares me to my brother, but were nothing alike. He does drugs, he's sexually active, he swears, he gets suspended from school, he skips school and he's just an overall bad kid. I am a straight a student, I don't abuse any substances, I have never broken the law or done anything bad really. The only thing that I ever do wrong is forgetting to clean something, but he makes me seem like this horrible kid. He also tells my grandparents how 'bad' I am, and how I am 'failing' school. They hate me and I don't know what to do

[jabin20]

Your Stepdad is not thinking straight. He's frustrated with your Mom. Loving a person who has mental health problems is a very heavy burden. Probably your brother's tricks bugged him too.

Your step Dad probably feels that his life is out of control. So he focuses on the little crap that he feels that he can control, like how clean the house looks. He gives you chores because you'll do them.

You got three more years of this crap. Here's what you do....

1. Go along with him. Don't agree with his criticisms. Don't argue with them. Say "Yessir" and do what is needed. You know that you're right. Who cares what he thinks? He's not thinking straight anyhow.

Why is he picking on you? Who else is going to listen to him? Your Mom isn't feeling well. Your two brothers are little kids. You listen. So he reams you out. (We used to say that the "horse that pulls the cart gets the whip"). He knows that you'll take his words to heart. He watches you and sees that it hurts you.

Is this fair? No. Is this right? Nope. Can you hack it? You bet!

Sure you can hack it. Look, my folks drank. My Dad hit me, called me every name under the sun, picked on me and treated me bad. He got my Mom upset and she flipped out on me too. If I could live my life over I'd have learned to do one thing - tune those two out. Ignore their bullcrap and just hear the facts. I'd have also exercised every day and eaten clean. I'd have learned mediation so that I could calm myself down.

Then when my folks flipped out on me I'd have tuned them out.

This guy isn't thinking straight. Your problem is dealing with his crap for three more years.


2. Keep on making those good grades and staying on the "straight and narrow". Do it for yourself. Do it because it's the right thing to do.

Be sure that you do this so that you can get a Scholarship. Be on the lookout for Scholarships. I know that you're step Dad isn't going to spend a penny for college.

You can show your grandparents your report card. The facts will speak for themselves.

3. Keep the house clean. Yes your step Dad will pick on other things. There are only so many hours in a day. He can't expect you to do it all. He can ask is all. He will probably still bust on you, say that he hates you. So what? He's not in his right mind.

You take things off of the table. Keep the place cleaner. Pick up dead mice with toilet tissue and flush 'em. I know, it's gross. Do it anyhow.

If he thinks that you're minding him it'll make him shape up a little bit. If nothing else it'll take pressure off of your younger brothers. They have a lot longer to put up with his crap than you.

4. Get your younger brothers involved. Be a leader. You got "100 things to do"? Give some of them to your younger brothers.

This will help you get the work done. It's all also show your stepdad that you're responsible.

Note that I said, "lead" and not "make". Make clean up fun. You'll have to think about it a lot.

1. Keep yourself healthy. Eat good food. If you can get fish oil take it. If you can avoid wheat it'll help. Exercise.

Get away from that dump if at all possible. Go to a friend's house or the library. You gotta keep those grades up, right?

2. He probably saw you texting or talking so he knows that you care about that cell phone. Get a new one and hide it from him.

3. Go online and learn meditation. Youtube has got tons of videos. Go over them. Simple breathing exercises help a lot. Mindfullness mediation is even better!!

I had a coworker flip out on me once. I had just done a meditation exercise. He got in my face and screamed that he was going to get me written up or fired. I was so relaxed that it didn't phase me. This stuff works!!

Mindfullness exercises have kept me from getting speeding tickets, over come Writer's block, and handle screaming fits.

4. In a way you're very lucky. Why? You are being schooled in how bad life can be. We who have survived crazy family members can handle worse stuff as adults. We also learn that calmness and sanity can found inside of ourselves. While others are flipping out and the stuff is going to heck we're calm and relaxed, ready to act.

People go to SEAL BUD/S to learn this, or Special Forces, or get Apprenticed by Executives. You are learning it as a kid.

Adapt and you'll be quite a man when you're older. You'll be able to help your Mom and your brothers and sisters.

Best of luck to you, young man!!!

[ear]

No matter what he threatens, he can't kick you out. You have no means of self-suppport and it wouldn't be logical to shift you over to living with your father and his crew. You need to discuss this with maybe a school counselor to determine whether this is enough abuse to report him to Child Protective Services for his actions. He had no business putting it off on you to pick up that mouse, nor did he have the right to smash your phone over something so menial. I'd report him since your mother doesn't seem to have the ability to step in on your behalf.

[wakeley58]

Oh, honey, you need to go to a school counselor and get out of that house. Let me assure you, you aren't a bad kid. Your stepfather is a sick man who has control issues and your mom needs to leave him. It sounds as though she's not in the right frame of mind to understand the needs you have, though. That's where the school counselor will come into play. I grew up in an abusive home and, looking back, I wish I would have gone to someone and spoke up. Getting put up for adoption would have been better for my siblings and I...not that I'm saying that'll happen to you. However, you do need to seek help. This is abuse and you don't deserve that. You need someone to stand up for you and make your life better. You deserve to be happy. Every child does. Good luck.