How Can I Get Over the Death of a Family Member? I'm Extremely Depressed and Feel Like Killing Myself?

[ned]

For a while now I have not been able to live with myself, something horrific happened 3 months ago on my cousin's 21st birthday and it has left me completely shattered and guilt ridden and I really don't know how I could continue.

Me and my cousin were always very close since he was young, I'm 7 years older than him but I always thought he was an awesome kid and we always played video games together, played soccer adn he would look up to me and come to me for advice and it was great. Now I'd always try to be cool towards him and even though it was wrong for example I gave him cigarettes a few times when he was around 15-16 and it made me feel good that he looked up to me in a cool cousin kinda way. Now I think all of that was a terrible mistake, it might have set in motion what occured 3 months ago, and when I turned 21 for example I partied like there was no tomorrow with my buddies and drank a lot, and I always told my cousin about it and I think it was wrong.

Ok so what happenedd was that about 2 years ago my cousin asked me to buy him beer, despite me being open, I felt it would be wrong, because I actually think that the drinking age is a good idea, but I told him that when he turned 21 that he and I would party non-stop throughout his whole birthday and I would give him the time of his life.

So when he turned 21 since morning I picked him up at his house and we started drinking beer, I took a lot of safety precautions, I hired a driver so we would have someone drive us while we were drunk, i bought break, peanuts and snacks so some of the alcohol would be absorbed and the day started of fine, we drank a lot of beer at my house and played video games in the morning then we went to his birthday party were he took some shots, and then later we went to a lot of bars and drank a lot, he was having the time of his life and so was I, and we were both really drunk, but after midnight we just headed home and I told him he could sleep over at my house, now when we got there I kept drinking and drinking and because I was doing it so did he, the day before I'd bought a lot of beer and liquor for his birthday so there was a lot to drink. So as we kept drinking I noticed he was already blazing drunk so I told him we should call it a night, and we did I fell asleep listening to music, but before I went to bed I drank a few more beers because like an idiot I wanted to wake up still drunk. but a few hours later I woke up to go to the bathroom and I saw him passed out on the floor and noticed he had drank more liquor, i tried waking him up but he didn't answer, so I freaked out and called an ambulance and had my parents drive me to the hospital as well, and it turns out he had alcohol poisoning, I was still drink so I didn't really realize how serious the situation was, but then the doctors said he was in a coma and a few hours later he died.

I was shattered and my whole family was shattered, I mean it was all my fault, if I hadnt taken him partying none of this would have happened and now I don't know how I can live with myself, I mean i was supposed to be the one taking care of him not the one to cause his death by acting like an idiot, my god i feel like I killed him, I was the one that bought al lthe alcohol and now I feel that when he was 19 and aksed me for beer i should have given it to him instead of waiting till he was 21 and having drink so much.

Now my aunt hates me and didn't even want me going to his funeral, and i don't blame her or my uncle, i mean he had his whole life ahead of him, he was so smart adn such a godod person and now because of me its ruined and it cant be cahnges.

So now I've quit my job, and all I do know is drink all day, i just cant live with myself, every single day is cry alot and the other day i got arrested because i went to the police station and told them i wanted to be arrested because he died, they said i didnt break the law and i started yelling so they booked me for disorderly contdunt and i had to pay a fine.

Was it my fault he died? What could I have done differently? Should I try to move on or just like kill msyelf or something, because i deserve it, and i don't know ho w i can get trhough this.

[denzell]

Almost nothing in life is as painful as the loss of a loved one (whether their death was anticipated, or sudden and unexpected). Nor does the shock and sadness go away easily or quickly. Recovering from grief, I've come to realize, isn't an event but a process—a process that may take a long time. But listen: With God's help it can happen.

You see, the most important thing I can tell you is that God loves you, and He understands what you're going through. After all, He knows what it is to lose a loved one, for He allowed His only Son to die on a cross for you. This is why the most important step you can take is to respond to His love by asking Christ to come into your life. With Him you are never alone.

Then I urge you to reach out to others who know what it is to grieve. You need them—and they need you! Many churches today, for example, have regular "grief groups" for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one.

http://peacewithgod.jesus.net/

[camdin90]

Almost nothing in life is as painful as the loss of a loved one (whether their death was anticipated, or sudden and unexpected). Nor does the shock and sadness go away easily or quickly. Recovering from grief, I've come to realize, isn't an event but a process—a process that may take a long time. But listen: With God's help it can happen.

You see, the most important thing I can tell you is that God loves you, and He understands what you're going through. After all, He knows what it is to lose a loved one, for He allowed His only Son to die on a cross for you. This is why the most important step you can take is to respond to His love by asking Christ to come into your life. With Him you are never alone.

Then I urge you to reach out to others who know what it is to grieve. You need them—and they need you! Many churches today, for example, have regular "grief groups" for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one.

http://peacewithgod.jesus.net/

Can I have your ipad?

[armin]

the main thing is that you did not mean it. As cliche as it sounds, accidents happen. You did not know that he would have gooten alcohol poisoning and did not mean for it either. it is human for you to feel regret and to blame it on yourself, yet that does not mean you should give up on life. Trust me. I may have not gone through the same thing as you, or similar, yet i feel the same way about other things. you have to try to move on. you love him, always have and always will. As long as you can accept that it was an accident, and accept that you never meant for it to happen, you should try to keep living. Keep moving. Your life is as valuble as his, whether you agree or not. and it is both his fault, your fault, and no ones fault that he died. yours in a way for buying the drink, yet keep in mind that you just wanted to have fun with him and he with you. His fault for continuing to drink and not setting a limit. and no one's fault because it was all an accident. Do not give up on life because of this. See a couselor and try to work through this, because thinking that killing yourself is a mistake. What you deserve is a clean slate and a sober life, drinking more does not help.

[celeste]

I ask myself those kinda questions all the time. I lost my fiancee cause I gave the driver drugs and he ended up passing out and crossing 3 lanes of traffic and killing them both. We were all drunk and more that night but I know it was my fault. I knew not to let him go. I knew there was something wrong. When I had to tell everyone what happened and why I'll never forget what his mom said to me, a lady I've known nearly my whole life, "you're the reason Im burying my son, you shouldn't be allowed to live". I did get arrested for my part but didn't get convicted. Our fault or done differently doesn't matter, 7 years later and I know that much. I've done everything to get through it. Drugs alcohol sex therapy religion working, nothing really helped and I hope you don't need to learn it the hard way like I did. It gets easier as time goes on. Not much, but you begin to realize you're able to live with what happened.