My husband wants to move to TX where his family lives. We live 6 hrs away from them. I am hesitant to move.?

by **drystan** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:53 am

I would have to take a $20 paycut to move there. I would be out of my comfort zone. Me and my mother-in-law don't have the best relationship. I don't have any parents, they are deceased. My siblings live two hours from me now. We talk on the phone, but we don't visit each other often. I don't know what to do. We have been married less than yr. He moved from TX to my location when we got married, now he wants to move back there since he got custody of his four kids. I love him, but don't know what to do. I originally told him I would move with him, but after getting a job offer and seeing I would have to take such a huge pay cut, I have told him that I don't want to go. He is saying that I shouldn't back out on my decision.

by **aldric13** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:59 am

It's not wrong of you to want to stay where you are. Losing $20 an hour is a BIG difference and good jobs are extremely hard to come by these days. I think you need to sit down with him and tell him your "pros/cons" of moving. I mean you've only been married for a year and that in itself is a big step. You're comfortable where you are and if he wants to see his family he can drive down to see them.

by **khalid** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:05 am

being neutral I would say you was both at fault
you with your promise..and him with his safety zone

give it one more year...before you both come to a decision

by **tai38** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:07 am

you're married. and since it seems like he has the least flexibility in his choices you should probably be supportive and make the most of it with him. he is ur husband so make the best life u can w him no matter where u are.

by **ricard83** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:09 am

Well, he's wrong to tell you that you can't back out, but nothings set in stone, you may be able to find an even better job there :) If it doesn't work out you can always move back, make sure you've visited the actual area before you jump to moving there! Nothing worse than hating the place!

Good luck, I suggest you sit down and discuss the pro's and cons, will the pay cut hurt your lives, or are living expenses cheaper there?

by **emmanuil54** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:16 am

Nothing is written in stone, right? So when it comes to decisions like this one, it's o.k. to change your mind. I think this decision to stay or to move should be made as a couple, and thinking in terms of a couple. Not in terms of what is better for one or the other. As a woman, I wouldn't want to be close to my mother in law if my relationship is not good with her. Then, he has custody of his four children and if you knew this from the beginning and accepted it (that he has 4 children), this is some thing that kind of is, written in stone, and you have to accept it because they are a part of your husband. In which case, the kids should come live with you guys. You may or may not like it, but children should not have to go through life without their parents. This is just one of many more obstacles to overcome in your marriage, and probably the hardest. If you can overcome this, you can overcome any thing! Best of luck to you both!

by **devdutta58** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:21 am

well, HE is the one who has changed the rules, so technically he is backing out first...

Anyway, it's not about keeping score. Are you sure it's not the fact that you've suddenly got four kids that is scaring you??

I think you should move with your husband and at least try it out for a while. Perhaps if his family sees you being supportive they will like you more. And you may develop a better relationship with them if you see them more. Also, they are the only parents you've got, so you may as well make the most of it!!

He needs to be near his parents because they will be watching the kids for him while he works. Or you can be a stay at home mum.

Otherwise, it's divorce-ville.

by **leonie36** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:23 am

My husband is dragging me off to live in the USA, I definitely don't want to live there but I'm doing it for his sake. I detest the freezing cold weather, and will probably get refused health insurance because I have epilepsy, wages are very low, and medication costs are through the roof. My country has universal health care, plenty of jobs, good pay, which is very awesome and so hard to turn my back on.

Sometimes you just have to make a sacrifice for the peace of your marriage. But ultimately it's up to you. Please discuss your feelings with him.

by **cumhea** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:27 am

Don't do it - it's a trap!!!

I've been through this before, and heed my warning.
DON'T DO IT.

by **achimelech51** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:40 am

He just got custody of his four kids? I didn't read anything about how you were going to help him with the kids or was the move there so his parents could watch the kids or so they could have visitation with their mom. No comments about how you felt about being a step-mom to four kids. I'm thinking this all doesn't bode well for the marriage since your primary concern is your relationship with your mother in law and your pay cut and nothing about the kids. I don't know what choice you'll make but if you go I'm thinking you'll come back.

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