My sister in law said she could never see my wife having kids?

[spengler]

I am 40 and my wife is 34, we married about 6 months ago we were together at least 9 years . When i met my wife she was 25 at the time when we were dating she told me she would never want to get married until she is 30 years . We spent 5 years traveling and other years enjoying life then when she was 30 i proposed to her and as i said 6 months ago we married . Since then we went back to Ireland . I'm originally from France but spent many years in USA where we met . She was on holidays at that time . When we lived together in France we never really spoke of kids . When ever i mentioned kids she would give a sudden jump saying oh i don't want kids till my 30's . When my sisters would talk about how they gave birth and how it went she would clinch all up everywhere, which made me think if this is how she is when listening that the real thing could be hundred times worse . I do know we are not going to have a big family , I know the most kids we will ever have is two but i am ok with that . She told me after we married that she would like to have kids , she promised and we spent a long time doing things together and now i feel it's time .

When we went to Ireland , we visited her sister . Her sister has 3 kids and we were talking about children and her sister says she could never see my wife have children for the fact she thinks my wife would never cope and that when my wife was younger she said that they asked her the babysit and in less than 3 hours she was ringing for them to come home my wife said she was young at the time and things are differnet now but i was taken back by her sisters words and hurt and i felt it was a very hurtful thing to say but what worries me is why my wife isn't in a rush to get pregnant . We have been trying to get pregnant for about 3 months after marrying but for the past two to three months it's just faded . I don't know why she is not in a rush she did tell me before how much she is afraid of doctors and how giving birth scares her and that if she didn't have to give birth she would have a massive family . I don't think she realises her time is running out and i know that when i say it she says we are trying but she thinks sex once every 2 weeks is trying for a baby . I am never going to divorce her , but it's just since her sister said that i have become insecure , what should i do ? When i talk to her she says she is trying but i don't really think we are? What is wrong with my wife? I need advice?

[collyer]

This is something you should be talking to your wife about. Tell her how you feel, and ask her if there is anything she need to talk about. Don't worry about what your sister said, as your life is really none of her business.

[nicolas]

Some woman want kids, but are afraid of things like you mentioned. Doctors, needles, child birth, loosing their figure, raising kids, and settling down. Maybe she's just a little nervous about the whole situation. Just like some men are afraid of committement and marriage. Did you two discusse this before marriage? Maybe she just needs a little more time. But you should talk to her and tell her how you feel. Good luck!!

[kendon19]

First off, forget about anything her sister said about her. It doesn't matter here. The only thing that matters is you and your wife's feelings.

Second, if she's not in panic mode to have kids, don't push it. It will happen when it happens, just keep trying. Her fears about childbirth may be a factor in her seemingly lack of interest, there are a lot of horror stories out there about bad experiences. She should address that with her doctor, go with her for support if she is so scared. Having children is a huge step, it's natural to have apprehension. Just ride the wave, it sounds like you both love each other very much. If the good Lord blesses you with a child, enjoy that, too. If not, you already have someone very special to spend the rest of your life with.

[devon]

Try passing a watermelon up your anus! After that experience, you can tell your wife that giving birth would make both of you happy! Then talk to many many people if having kids is really worth the the expense, worth the heart aches, worth being tied down for years, etc etc etc.. You might be surprise that many people will tell you that you might be happier not having kids.. Get a puppy instead.. Be a Hero to your wife and stop pressing her to ruin her body by having kids. She is scared to death and so would you be if you had to go through the ordeal of being PG for none months and then passing a 9 pound big headed baby through something as tight as a birth canal.. Enjoy you life, enjoy your wife, and forget kids. Your future and security with a much earlier retirement would be well worth the change of not having kids.. Life would be a great adventure without them.. Read this to your wife and discuss it.. You may have a change of mind and heart at the same time easing the stress your putting on your wife!!

[piaras91]

Try passing a watermelon up your anus! After that experience, you can tell your wife that giving birth would make both of you happy! Then talk to many many people if having kids is really worth the the expense, worth the heart aches, worth being tied down for years, etc etc etc.. You might be surprise that many people will tell you that you might be happier not having kids.. Get a puppy instead.. Be a Hero to your wife and stop pressing her to ruin her body by having kids. She is scared to death and so would you be if you had to go through the ordeal of being PG for none months and then passing a 9 pound big headed baby through something as tight as a birth canal.. Enjoy you life, enjoy your wife, and forget kids. Your future and security with a much earlier retirement would be well worth the change of not having kids.. Life would be a great adventure without them.. Read this to your wife and discuss it.. You may have a change of mind and heart at the same time easing the stress your putting on your wife!!

You need to gather all the different kinds of methods used in child labor. They can dope you up so you don't feel it much at all. I hate busy body sisters who think they KNOW! She probably was young when she babysat. I hated babysitting others kids when i didn't have them. All my friends were having babies, NOT me, I wanted to have fun. I was told I never could have babies, I have 4 grown children and grandma of 3.

Sometimes, when you decide your want right now, that's when it doesn't happen. Patience pays off. Don't let her sisters words make you insecure.

[jorel]

I think what you should have done is discussed having chidren BEFORE marriage and her honest-to-God comfort level in this regard. Her focus is on the pain of childbirth, when in fact, it's usually nothing we consider in great detail mainly because it's just a natural process.... I'm not that into pain, either, but i have two great sons... i don't sit around and think about the pain of childbirth, but i have a high tolerance to pain and i have no issue with doctors... they are trained and exist for a reason, a part of our society.

If YOU are insecure then ask your wife about her honest feelings regarding having children. Perhaps she's not been up front.

As far as her tolerance level and ability to deal with children? It's different when we have our own. We have them from the time of conception, through birth and from the time they are brand new, so we grow with them. Other people's children can be different to deal with.

[gillivray5]

you are going to have to walk her every step of the way - every doctor appointment - you are going to have to treat her like she is the queen of england when you start talking about having a baby - she doesn't want stretch marks, doctor visits, etc etc etc - I was the same way - I was simply terrified of giving birth . . . I only had one - I wouldn't count on more for her unless you plan on doing the doctor visits, the diapers, the getting up in the middle of the night stuff - I did it alone and didn't want that again . . .