Someone has made a malicious referral to Social Services about us, what to do?

by **pete** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:53 pm

I'm very distressed. I'm three months pregnant and really don't need this kind of upset right now . . .

Social Services sent one of their "social workers" around today saying that they are acting on a "anonymous (how convenient) referral about our "home conditions" - claiming that our beloved three year old son is being neglected, our house is filthy, I'm lying around all day doing nothing blah de blah - its basically the sort of generic BS anyone who wanted to make a malicious referral to SS would come out with

And none of it is true. Its outright lies!

The Social Worker who called had to give me five minutes to calm down as was border hysterical at first. After that, she talked to us for a while and said she could see that none of the accusations were unfounded - one of them was that my son was being "fed only on tinned soup and toast!" absolute rubbish - she could see him sitting at the table enjoying his dinner which most certainly WASN'T tinned soup or toast! Our house was NOT "filthy", I was not "in bed" (I'd just come back from the shops) and many of the other things that had been said (like we had a housefull of cats and dogs who were using the house as a toilet) were just laughable. We have ONE dog and a kitten and our house is spotless.

I'm reeling from the whole thing - the social worker says she is going to speak to her manager and come back tommorrow, when the case will probably be closed. However I am furious that someone did this in the first place.

My initial thought was that it was a neighbour - we unfortunately have several elderly neighbours who are full of spite and nosiness and its the kind of thing they would do, especially as we don't really like them or bother with them (lol). But some of the information given was actually quite specific and personal information which the neighbours just wouldn't know about us.

The one person who DOES know this sort of thing is my mother in law. She came down recently to help me out for a week as I was suffering with morning sickness and on one occasion attacked me, saying I was "being lazy" and "not doing enough about the house" and that it was a woman's job to do the housework - men "weren't supposed to do things around the house" (I had been complaining that my hubby wasn't helping out and doing his fair share. The woman is as nutty as a fruitcake quite frankly and a complete fantasist, and I wouldn't put it past her to do something as stupid as this, but she is vehemently denying it, and my husband beleives her

(even though she has lied to him in the past and I'm sure she's even stolen things from us when she has come to stay - once when she came down some money went missing and this time 3 of his dvds went "walkies". They were found in her travelling bag)

What should I do? If I find out for sure it is her I intend to make sure she NEVER sees our son again and am quite happy to take her to court for defamation of character. I'l also get an injunction against the crazy b*tch. I'm terribly distressed right now and really don't know what to do . . .

by **rolfe16** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:58 pm

Why do you have to do anything? Just relax and let it pass. If this was your MIL she's got problems, she may be going senile or something. Nothing is going to come of it. I know it hurts but it might be best to be the bigger person in this instance and let it slide. You don't need the added stress.

by **maddox** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:00 pm

First off, aside from any of the other claims, tinned soup and toast?!!!!! That's abuse? I honestly don't understand child services anymore.

by **joachim** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:04 pm

Be confident in who you are. If they don't find anything then they have no reason to take your children !

by **chavivi** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:12 pm

Fighting crazy with crazy never works. It just escalates.

Why not just be confident in who you are, how your living and simply feel sorry for the woman who raised your husband as she deals with whatever internal issues she has & wish her well?

by **eorl** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:17 pm

I've had it happen to me before.I was having problems with my husband.I told him to leave the next day they came to look at my sons back saying i strapped him with a belt so bad he couldnt walk.Of course she showed up when he was running and jumping after leaving school.So I told her to call school to verify that he had just left and he pulled up his shirt and miraculously the marks went away.Then the sheriff came a couple of days later saying there were accusations of no food in the house.After opening one cabinet.I insisted on pulling the rest of the cabinets open and the freezer and fridge.He said some people are petty and they would not be back.The caller also tried to say the house was dirty and he did not walk past the immaculate living room and kitchen.Two hours later children services shows up they did a full inspection and when i asked about filing harassment charges they said i could have cleaned up.So i was like within an hour of calling i had time to clean up a 4 bedroom house and go to a grocery and stock my kitchen in an hour alone.I was like sorry lady the sheriff can confirm the condition.So basically anyone else that makes a clam will have to go there in person and put it in writing unanonymously.My husbands minor cousin did it.He was unaware and initially she denied it.Usually you can determine who it is by what the report said. Her reasoning to him is that it would help him get custody.We worked on things and it just made them look like liars.I have never spoken to them since then and he agrees.I dont care who it is if someone would try to get your kids taken they will never get the opportunity to again.I think its the MIL. I wouldnt let her around your child if I could prove it.

by **newyddilyn60** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:32 pm

well good thing is if it isn't true they will drop the case like you said. if some how you can prove it was your MIL i would not allow her in my home or around my children again. the next time she calls you lazy tell her that her precious son knocked you up and he can help with th chores! i am lucky to not have a MIL like yours.

by **jasper** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:34 pm

HI
No wonder your so mad, I hope you find out who did this. Its such a waste of time for already busy social workers who should be able to visit children who really need them. People who report people like this should be made to pay for the wasted time.
My friend had the same happen to her although they told them that the step dad (my friends husband) was sexually abusing my friends daughter. They all had to go through the most in depth questions their daughter was 12 at the time and totally mortified, don't think she'll ever get over it!! It was totally untrue, but they never found out who reported them.
I would just confront her you've got nothing to loose by the sounds of it, good luck x

by **arne33** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:36 pm

Let it lay....

As long as you have nothing to hide, and there is nothing going wrong, child services isn't going to do anything. They have to check things out when a claim is made- but more often than not the claims are false- just business as usual to them.

We were investigated by CPS when my son was 3 months old because he had fallen off our (very tall) bed and fractured his skull. They came though, and found nothing wrong. They said it was state law that they investigate bone breaks and other injuries on children under age 2...and they were very concerned because he also showed an older break on his shoulder (his shoulder broke when I was delivering him) and the hospital failed to mention to them that the shoulder broke under their care so they assumed both had happened in my care.

It was invasive, and scary, but nothing came of it. They saw our house was normal and our baby happy and healthy and went on their way.

Also, you don't HAVE to let them in. They will pressure you, but you are well within your rights to deny them access. When CPS notified me that we were being investigated, I told them I would only let them in with a warrant. They came by a couple times, I denied them entry, and then they finally got a warrant and an officer came over with them. At that point I allowed them in to see my house and my child.

by **reid** » Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:46 pm

Let it lay....

As long as you have nothing to hide, and there is nothing going wrong, child services isn't going to do anything. They have to check things out when a claim is made- but more often than not the claims are false- just business as usual to them.

We were investigated by CPS when my son was 3 months old because he had fallen off our (very tall) bed and fractured his skull. They came though, and found nothing wrong. They said it was state law that they investigate bone breaks and other injuries on children under age 2...and they were very concerned because he also showed an older break on his shoulder (his shoulder broke when I was delivering him) and the hospital failed to mention to them that the shoulder broke under their care so they assumed both had happened in my care.

It was invasive, and scary, but nothing came of it. They saw our house was normal and our baby happy and healthy and went on their way.

Also, you don't HAVE to let them in. They will pressure you, but you are well within your rights to deny them access. When CPS notified me that we were being investigated, I told them I would only let them in with a warrant. They came by a couple times, I denied them entry, and then they finally got a warrant and an officer came over with them. At that point I allowed them in to see my house and my child.

Sounds like it was probably your MIL. I would keep some distance from her and avoid her at all costs, if for no other reason, the rude/sexist comments she made while visiting. Keep in mind that your kids are safe no matter what crap anyone makes up. You know the truth and it will show.
If you're really determined to find out who it was, you could try calling your MIL and telling her that Social Services released the name of the person, because the claims made against you were clearly false. Then see how she reacts. If she asks who, say "All that's important, is that I know, and I don't want to talk about it.". Tell her you will be talking to an attorney. That should give you an answer if it's her because she will get defensive if it was.
Legally, I wish there was a law that would force the release of the name of the person if Social Services found the claim to be untrue and malicious. Especially, if it's done more than once by the same person. It seems like you should be able to file charges against them for defamation of character, emotional distress, and harassment. Also, you think Social Services would be upset with people who waste time and money by making up crap just to be malicious (not people who's claims are legitimate or out of reasonable concern). There really should be something in place to stop these people who abuse the system. You have a right to be upset, and if you wanted you could call and talk to a lawyer and find out if you have any rights in the state you live in considering you were falsely accused. Hope you get to the bottom of it. Good luck

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