Telling my parents-in-law I'm pregnant again?

by **lalla3** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:16 am

I've just found out that I'm pregnant and am very happy. But as soon as the happiest settled down the worry of telling my parents-in-law came to mind. This is my second pregnancy and the reason why I am so uptight about telling them was when we annoyed our first pregnancy. The first thing that came out of their mouths was 'I thought shed do that.' I didn't really enjoy the start of my first pregnancy because I felt not wanted and that my baby wasn't wanted by my husbands parents.
The problems with my parents in law have been before me and my husband got married but we dealt with it and lived our life. I never was accepted into the family on my wedding day either.

So I'm really worried that its going to happen again. I don't want to feel the way I felt last time through out my pregnancy. You can say that i'm already feel like that because I'm remembering how it felt with my first pregnancy. My husband is on my side and didn't want anyone to hurt me and dealt with the issue straight way.

So my question is how can I tell them without going through what I did last time?

by **shaddoc98** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:17 am

How about let your husband worry about telling them and you don't have to be there when he does it? Then they can make whatever comments they please and you don't have to be subjected to it.

Other than that, all I can do is encourage you to quit allowing yourself to be a doormat. If their comments are hurtful, tell them. Tell them to keep their negative opinions and comments to themselves, and don't choose to be around them. If your husband isn't willing to step in and create some boundaries for behavior, then you have to do it yourself. You are only treated as well (or as poorly) as you allow yourself to be treated. You are under no obligation to be a part of these people's lives just because you married their son, especially if they are going to continue to treat you as an outsider. Toxic people are just that, and you don't have to put up with it.

by **orson19** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:22 am

When you and your husband are ready to share your good news HE needs to tell his parents that you are both happy to announce that you are expecting an addition to the family.

by **porter** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:27 am

Have your husband tell them and beyond that ignore them.

by **jarel** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:27 am

Have your husband tell them and beyond that ignore them.

by **adin55** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:37 am

I would just come out and tell them and if they say something mean be like:
Listen your son and I are going to be together obviously we are already married and we want to have a family this is none of your say. And quit frankly I'm hurt that you guys act like this because I treat your son like he should be treated he could of been with someone who go pregnant before they were married and treated him like crap
I don't know your whole story I just remember what my friend had to do

by **menw** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:39 am

Just tell them and if they can't be happy with the fact that you are giving them another grandchild then oh well. From the sounds of it they probably weren't going to be happy with whoever their son married. I know they are your in-laws but honestly I wouldn't even let it bother me.

I have a mother in law that has voiced her opinions on how I should keep my daughters hair and that in not so many words that she will be very upset if our second child that is due in July is a boy. Her daughter is pregnant and due in July and she was pissed that they are having a boy. Honestly neither one of us care what she thinks, my sister in law is happy and we will find out when baby is born. Just be happy about your pregnancy and try not to let them bother you. Good luck!

by **andor25** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:47 am

I think you should forget about people being negative over such a happy thing and focus on how good this is! Even though they are your in-laws, why would you let a*holes like that get you down this way and ruin one of the happiest things that could ever happen to you? I know it's easier said than done, but my attutude to people like this has always been - if someone is hurting you, then juist take yourself away from the situation. It becomes much easier when you think of it like that. So stop spending time with them and don't go tell them yourself, let your husband do it. And then if they make any kind of negative comment he can just calmly say "until you can be respectful of us and our happy event then we don't want to speak to you" and walk away. They can't say bad things to you if you don't see them!

And if you feel like the first baby wasn't wanted by them, then that's a clear sign you shouldn't be wasting thse feelings on them. The child will soon realise as it grows up which family members are worth having a relationship with, and it won't be the ones who have rejected it, so don't force the issue or make them spend time together just because they're family - if they're going to bring negativity and upset onto your lives then keep your distance and be happy.

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