Why are they my responsibility?

[dallen47]

My niece and nephew were taken away from my brother-in-law by CPS and given to my mother-in-law. Now she works two weeks days and two weeks nights. I go to college full time, have a five year old that I feel as if I don't have enough time with as it is and on top of it I'm pregnant. I have spoken with my MIL several times about how she needs to find someone else to babysit for her, but every time I do she just gets mad at me. I have finally talked her down to only watching them once a week, but it's still so overwhelming. They are two and three and absolutely the loudest, most stubborn, mischievous little kids I've ever met. Neither of them listen to me at all. I can't discipline them except to put them in time out which does absolutely nothing. My daughter gets snotty and gets an attitude sometimes, but for the most part she is very well behaved and generally pretty quiet and content. So now that you have some background here is my question. Why is it ok that she gets mad at me that I don't want to watch them. On top of it all, she doesn't get mad at their dad that he isn't there for them, but she gets mad at me because I don't want to babysit them all the time. They were never my choice to have. I didn't give birth to them, I didn't ask to be their guardian when they were taken from their parents, and I never agreed to this responsibility. I just don't understand when they became my responsibility. I so wouldn't mind watching them if I could take them for a couple of hours like any other aunt would, but I really don't want to be ultimately responsible for them for half of my weekend off when I want to be spending it with my family who I don't get enough time with. I battle depression and anxiety and I can't seem to keep my cool when they are here. I blow up at the smallest things and I just don't like myself like that. What am I supposed to do?

[scirwode]

Don't answer the door when they come knocking.

[mate]

So these are your brother in laws kids? WAIT these kids aren't even blood related to you? That's ridiculous.

Your MIL took them on, she needs to care for them. Not you, you didn't offer to to become the new caretaker, she did.

[jamilah38]

Don't let them take advantage of you. That's not your responsibility. You have to stand up and tell them that you are not going to take care of them anymore. I used to care for my sister in laws kids and i hated it. She only called me when she needed me to care for them. And when I said no she would get mad at me. I finally told her straight up that those are not my kids and that if she had a little respect for me she wouldn't look for me just to drop her kids at my house. She never a called me to see how was I doing or if i needed her to watch my baby. I realized she only used me. After I told her how I felt she stopped bringing the kids. And stopped talking to me. But I still see her at family reunions because she is my husbands sister. Now she talks to me but I will never care for her kids. And i don't trust her to watch over my baby. You need to stand up to them no matter how close you are to them. Don't let them take advantage of you.

[kirklin]

Don't let them take advantage of you. That's not your responsibility. You have to stand up and tell them that you are not going to take care of them anymore. I used to care for my sister in laws kids and i hated it. She only called me when she needed me to care for them. And when I said no she would get mad at me. I finally told her straight up that those are not my kids and that if she had a little respect for me she wouldn't look for me just to drop her kids at my house. She never a called me to see how was I doing or if i needed her to watch my baby. I realized she only used me. After I told her how I felt she stopped bringing the kids. And stopped talking to me. But I still see her at family reunions because she is my husbands sister. Now she talks to me but I will never care for her kids. And i don't trust her to watch over my baby. You need to stand up to them no matter how close you are to them. Don't let them take advantage of you.

I know it is stressful, and if it is too much, the best thing would be to just tell her so. If you can deal with it, I think it is really kind that you are doing that for them. If you have the free time, I think it could pay off for you to keep them, because you might be in a situation where you need childcare one day.

[delron72]

I agree with "Brenda"'s answer. Your mother in law is using you to solve her problems, with insufficient respect for your wishes.

Let her be unpleasant. Your are better off risking losing your relationship with your in-laws. Never tolerate manipulation.

Tell her precisely why you are no longer willing to handle those kids.