Black sheep of the Family?

[freedom97]

I am 46 years old. I have four children and six grandchildren. I have no brothers or sisters. I have always felt that I have been the black sheep of my mother's side of the family. I have struggled to take care of my children with no help from ANYONE and helped my two sons take care of their two children. I have never asked any of my aunts for anything. I have asked my parents for small favors like gas or helping with food in small amounts and can count on my fingers the times I've asked. It's true I have made mistakes over the years, but you learn from them. Also, I learned what I needed to know as far as being a parent, from my mother in law and my first son's father. At the age of 17, my Mom wanted me to have an abortion, was basically forcing me to do so, because "What would her sisters think?" I was scared so I called my son's father and he picked me up and I moved in with him and his mother. At that time I had to learn how to do so much especially by ways of Hygiene. My mom never taught my anything. I do remember her buying my clothes and shoes, making sure we had food in the house to eat and making sure I had a roof over my head, but when I tried to tell her that my stepfather was molesting me, she overlooked it. I was so glad to leave home at 17, but I forgave him because I needed to move on with my life. But I never trusted him around my children. Over the years, I never felt that I was accepted by my mother because whatever I did, it was never good enough. I have also over heard her talking to her sisters about me in a negative way. When she's around her friends or her sisters, she does and says things to embarrass me or she'll get really out of the ordinary. As and example, my kids, grandkids and I were at her house for a family get together and I began to take pictures. She yelled at me to stop taking pictures in her house because I put them on facebook and the next thing that would happen is someone would try to break in her house. That was really crazy. and there have been other things also over the years and I just over looked them because this is my mother. Well, I'm 46 now and the limit has approached. I was just laid off my job and have been really depressed because it's Christmas time. I have not unemployed since 1995. My stepfather is now in a Nursing home and my mother goes to see him everyday. I don't because my funds are limited and I live on the other side of town. I did not go to the Nursing home to see him because I have not really been in the Christmas spirit. My mom stated that I didn't since he's really not my real father. Not once has she tried to talk with me about how I've been feeling over the holidays. I love her but I have made up my mind to just keep my distance because under stress I eat and eat and eat. I have to find a way to still love her, but I just can't understand why I have to be treated by her the way she treats me.

[jordi]

You have to get over this and move on. Your mom is who she is and you can't change her. Just be proud of who you are and take care of things in your life. You are responsible for your own happiness. Life is not a dress rehearsal. There is no encore, so stop wallowing in grief and enjoy what you have and stop worrying about what you don't have.