Boyfriend In Overseas Witsec Program - Can We Marry?

[Holwell]

Hi. I have been reading your answers to WITSEC related questions with great enthusiasm. My boyfriend apparently is part of an overseas WITSEC type of program.  We have been in about a year-long relationship, with him having visited the US twice and us living together for a couple of months, and keeping in touch almost every day when he is back in his country in Europe.  We are definitely in love and discussed getting married when he was here.  Ultimately, he would like to move to the US and we would like to establish a life together.  I proposed to him, and initially he accepted, but when we looked online and saw the information that is required on documents such as alien immigration forms, fiance sponsorship forms, etc., we became intimidated and both got scared. When reading the questions, he panicked, and thought they were asking way too many questions, and got cold feet, and just said we shouldn't get married here in the US, or maybe at all because of the risk of him being discovered as being a witness.  Do you see any way around this?  

Also, on another topic, I know I shouldn't ask any questions about his family - parents, siblings, etc., - but I am naturally curious.  Before I knew he had been in the program, I attempted to do a background check on him(to find out if he had been married or had a girlfriend, etc.). and he was livid!  Later I realized how that could have potentially put him in danger. And although he has volunteered some very brief information about his very remote past life many years ago, I am curious about his family and would like to one day meet them, especially if we were to get married.  However, I know this is out of the question, right?  This is so complicated.  I love this man and want to marry him, but I don't know how this all can work.  Also, it is sometimes hard to trust him, as he is so secretive about his past, although I know he has to be.  How do you get around this?  Any suggestions as to any of these issues would be much appreciated.  Thanks!

[Alonzo]

Kathleen,

I can't answer your first question because I am not an attorney, this is a question for an experienced immigration lawyer and when you do ask a lawyer you might want to word it "How do we comply" rather than "How do we get around"...just a suggestion, it sounds better. As to the second question since I don't know what Country we're talking about it is difficult but since most Witness Security & Relocation programs in democratic Countries are modeled after the U.S. model I can give you a general answer based on Witsec in the U.S. It is really very simple. At face value and just based on the limited information you have given me I would have to say that he should not have any contact with his past other than via secure methods supplied by the administrators of the program he's in, nor should you. He is supposed to be starting "A new life"...you have to decide for yourself whether or not you can accept him as he is right now, with only what he can tell you about himself right now. You have to decide if you want to be a part of his "new life" as though he was born the day you met him...this may prove easier said than done. Speaking from personal experience...I will say it's a very weird thing. I am like two people, the old me...the person I was has one set of people, friends, etc and the new me...the person I am now has another set of people that only know me as the person I am now. See, it's strange even when I say it! The only thing that will fix this is time...you just have to decide if you can handle the situation. I wish I could give you a magic formula...but there is none. Remember...all of these programs are programs of last resorts, no part of the equation is perfect...not even close. It's just a whole lot better than the alternative. Good Luck.

Stay Safe

Max Caulfield

www.caulfieldinvestigations.com

www.caulfieldinvestigations.net