Can i or should i forgive a cheater?

[wendlesora]

Me and my Fiance have been together for 3 1/2 years, we have been engaged for 2 1/2 years, we are suppose to be getting married in 3 1/2 months.

I just found out about 3 days ago that he has been doing drugs every so often behind my back and that he cheated on me.

to give you some background, before we got together he delt drugs and was an adict and had gone to rehab and everything, which is stuff i have never ever been around or done in my life, it was all totally not in the relmn of anything i know. I never would have stayed with him for so long if i hadnt been under the impression that he was clean. That he was no longer doing any kind of drug whatsoever.

He had been really distand the entire week and it was starting to freak me out, i though i was just being paranoid becuase everything going on im crazy stressed out, and that night i was still upset about it and he asked why i was upset and i told him what i thought about him seeming distant and thats where the evening began, he started by talking about cold feet, and how he has been distant because hes been thinking hard about everything and trying to figure out if we should get married and if we are right for each other or if we just stay because its convienent or were to afriad to leave and what not, then the evening progressed into him admitting about the drugs, saying it wasnt alot just every so often the urge would be to much for him to bare and he would so something, and was always to afriad to tell me because i had always said i would not be with someone who does drugs, and he was afraid i would hate him if he told me.

He takes marriage very serisouly with the sanctity of marriege, joining your self before god, and he said he just kept feeling more and more guilty about lying to me and the closer it got the worse he felt and then one night he got extremely drunk and it happened, said he didnt even realized it was happening at first, and when her realized what he was doing he threw her off of him and left, but by then of course it was to late.

He said he couldnt enter into marriage with out being completely honest about everying, this was about 4 days ago i found out, and he said the cheating part was just a few days before.

the first part of the evening was me telling him he should come get his stuff, most of the stuff in the apt is mine so it was easier this way, then he got angry saying that i have to leave not him, so i started packing, but i cannot pack a entire 2 bedroom apartment at midnight, eventually me and my sister in law called a quits and i went to stay at her place with my brother, thats when my fiance called me bawling his eyes out (and he never crys, ever) telling me how sorry he is and that he made the biggest mistake of his life, and he never wanted to hurt me like this, and he doesnt want to do drugs, he wants to be clean, and begging me to forgive him and work things out, said that he believes in marriage and what it means, and that i can trust him because he would never again give me a reason not to

he has also drank alot the entire time we have been together, and he even said he wants to quit drinking since thats when he does all the stupid crap he has done, (he has said he was going to quit before and didnt, so i asked how do i know he would this time, and he said because this time it is hurting me more than he ever wanted and its not just about him anymore, and thats why he is quiting this time)

its been about 3 days actually and i have been staying at my brothers, he text me everyday begging me to forgive him that he will do anything, quit drinking, stay clean, and never lie to me again,

i just cant seen to figure out what to do, its like im numb, i cant decide about anything at all, i dont know if i want to be single, i dont know if i want to try and work things out,

do i want to work things out becuase its easier then cancelling everything for the wedding and loosing all that money, and not having to worry about moving and returned the car i just bought in my name for him because his credit isnt good enough, so i would be leaving him without a car, phone, since its in my name as well, all utilites are mine as well.

or would i be leaving becuase thats what my entire family thinks i should do, even though i know they are there for me no matter what?

how do i know what i want to do. My heart is going a million different directions and i just dont know what to do. i cant tell what my brain stops and my heart begins...........

[adusa37]

No

[jung-hwa75]

Never take back a cheater.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[janyd]

Never take back a cheater.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

He does drugs and is a cheater. Leave him before you endure more heartbreak.

[wahchintonka48]

never never never forgive a cheater because if you do they know they can do it again because they got away from it once

[tim]

leave him

[bergh39]

What was your first reaction to his confession? If it was devastation that the man you love had eyes for someone else, then your love is true and you need to decide on whether or not to forgive him which is probably not a good idea given his track record. If your first thought to his confession was "How can I cancel the wedding at this late date" then you probably love him about as much as he loves you, i.e. not enough to get married. Sorry, but when a guy cheats, he is not into the relationship 100%. He can't use his drug abuse as an excuse. He did what he did on purpose. He can't be a good husband to you if he is not a whole person and someone addicted to drugs has a lot of work to do before they can build a life with someone else. I say cut your losses and move on. This is not the guy for you. You deserve a whole person - we all do. You obviously did not have the relationship that you thought you had with him. How can you build a future on lies? I would consider myself lucky that I only lost out on the wedding deposits - a divorce (which is where this would be headed I gather) is a much more expensive and messy situation. Courage and good luck to you.