Does this Personal Statement sound alright?

[fyfe]

Okay, so we have to write a Personal Statement to progress onto year 13 at our Sixth Form, and I was wondering if it sounded alright? I haven't included information such as work experience as its not for university, only for college. Thanks.




Personal Statement


My name is .............. and I am a well presented person with a focused approach who can work well on his own initiative. I have superior presentation qualities which were developed over time along with my speaking and written skills. These show signs of necessary attributes for me to become a successful law student.

The current subjects I am studying at Sixth Form are AS Law, AS Computing, Finance and Criminology. My A level law course has helped me in terms of interpreting text when studying the course of criminal law. My problem solving skills have also strengthened my ability to apply the law to specific scenarios, evaluating and applying the text. Studying Law involves me using my analytical Skill and such skill demonstrates my ability to apply logical thinking. All these skills which I gained in a short amount of time would insure me becoming a success in law.

I have particularly enjoyed Tort Law and Parliamentary Law Making which has given me an insight on how parliament creates legislation. During my time as a law student I have come across many novels including ‘To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee’. My reading of statutory instruments also contributed, in some measure, to my general literary activity.

Studying Finance helped me develop vital communication, presentation and researching skills which enabled me to share my intellectual ideas among my pears. These set of qualities are again useful characteristics to become an auspicious law student.

The fact that I am able to inspire myself is a key aspect of my overall success. I have a great passion for the subject and high quality academic skills, as well as good personal qualities. This makes me an ideal law student. I am academically competent to pursue my goal of studying law, with my final objective of becoming a Barrister.

My passion for law arose when I witnessed my first ever court case whilst watching an Indian drama. From that point on I knew that when I was older, that's where I wanted to be, in a court room fighting a case. From that moment on, I knew that I would follow a path that would hopefully lead me to fulfil, what I believe is my destiny, an occupation in Law.

[darce]

Insure me becoming a success in law - should be ensure?
analytical Skill - the skill does not need a capital S - see line 8.
My problem solving skills - sounds like a you have a problem solving skills. It should be hyphenated, as problem-solving.
The word Law does not have a capital L unless it's at the start of the sentence - see line 8.
"Among my pears" should be PEERS, unless you've been talking to pieces of fruit.
These set of qualities, should be either THIS set of qualities or these SETS of qualities.
Barrister does not have a capital B.
The last paragraph is a bit scrappy. From that point on, from that moment on, you should try re-writing it.