Help review my transfer essay please?

[wakeley58]

Im trying to transfer into George Mason, and would like feedback.. Thanks for your time :)


Upon returning from a great setting in which to learn, small class size and seminar formats. I soon then realized that Strayer University is not what I had in mind. I had a bad first impression; my first class was introduction to business a core class. The teacher was always late, never there, and impersonal. Which I had a hard time understanding, it should be the other way around. I learned the uncovered topics on my own. Major- related courses are essential elements that shape your success in the future. Unfortunately, the disappointment did’t stop there. I have not been sufficiently challenged and the level of student interaction has not been gratified.
I came across George Mason University. An excellent school, a great reputation and I now have the grades that reflect my performance. By attending George Mason I hope to extend and deepen my knowledge in business, specifically in the field of international administration. I would like the chance to attend George Mason University to learn from, and be close to many outstanding and highly motivated students and professor. I strive to become a leader and to learn from everything and everyone that surrounds me. I have once been told, “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” After all I am ready to pursue my dream.
My current university employs well-educated and experienced professors; still, many are unavailable. Academic proficiency is my main reason, however I do have more reasons for being interested in George Mason University. The tuition at Strayer is quite unstable constantly changing, and financial aid does not cover my classes. Fortunately, for me I have started working in real estate. It has been a great experience, which has helped me in unique ways. Also I would like to start becoming independent and with George Mason I would be one step ahead.
I would like the opportunity to enhance and learn more each and every day from this University. I feel capable in presenting the standards of George Mason University and succeeding into my desired field. Having that in mind I want the opportunity to learn more about the world of business. I’d like to introduce a new phase in my life; my future depends on my actions. I am determined to go towards the right direction. I have many qualities, and I am ready to bring it on to the diversity of students that will be surrounding me at George Mason.