How do I deal with mother in law living a double life? (living with 1 man engaged to another?)?

[coinleain]

I have been with my husband for a little over 8 years. In those 8 years I have seen his family really grow up & change. His parents were always super in love & always together. His parents would do ANYTHING for any one. If we didn't see them at least twice a week something was majority wrong. His father passed away after being sick for about 2-3 years.
After his father passed his mom went CrAzY! There was a point I was thinking about putting her in the hospital! She started dating with in a few months of her husband passing away. A few guys were OK but she started dating guy #1. They dated for 7 months. He has never been married but has some baggage.Nothing major. He ended up breaking her heart. (we only met him once at this point so I couldn't say yes or no on him) She started dating guy #2, & moved in with him & his 11 year old child. This man has 6 kids to 4 different woman, has been married 3 times. He looks great on paper besides the kids & wives but turns out he is nutts! He never lets us see her, he has many court & legal things going on & is about to lose his home. They have been together for about 10 months.
The last 4 months she has been seeing guy #1 again & over Valentines day they got engaged.
She is currently still living with guy #2. Guy #1 knows about Guy #2 but Guy #2 DOES NOT know about guy #1. She says she can't leave because of money & the 11 year old. She said she was going to move out since Christmas.
Every time she calls I get drama stories from Guy #2 & how some times she fears for herself.

I plan on telling her as of April 15th if she does not move out to Guy #2's home, she will no longer be part of my husband & I's life. & most important she will NOT get to see her first grandchild at all! ( I'm due end of Aug 2012) As of now she is not stable enough! & I do no trust Guy #2 around myself OR my child EVER!

Am I being to hard on her?
I'm trying to be a good "friend" but I can't do it any more!
She is brushing off her own family (3 kids & grandchild) to be with an abusive guy & an 11 year old child she hasn't even known a year.

[boynton35]

i don't blame you for what your doing. if she wants to see her grandchildren then she needs stability in her own life. tell her that you don't want your children seing what she is doing and think that is okay behavior and she is not setting a healthy and good environment and until she grows up and starts acting her age, you do not want her around. you have every right to say this to protect your children!

[eliot]

I would mind my own business honetly. I don't care about my MIL's love life.

[seager]

I've gone cross-eyed.

[boynton35]

Yes.

[karlitis]

you let her live her life and you stay out of it - that is how you deal with it

[devon]

talk to her.

[teyo]

be happy its not your husband and take her for who she is.. It is not your life, so let her live it that way

[tripp]

Can you please explain to me how her life became YOUR business? Honey - you need a reality check. YOU don't have the authority to be "putting her in hospital" or "tell her she will not longer be a part of your husband's life"... I can't get over your arrogance. You're not her "friend". She is your husband's mother. YOU don't get to decide what's good and bad in her life.

GROW UP.

[chavivi]

She may feel she's protecting that 11 y.o. Tell her if she doesn't leave him she risks losing her fiance. What is going to happen when the wedding plans start being made? She can't keep hiding that and can't live with the abuser when married to the other guy. She'll end up alone or abused,etc. You are NOT being too hard, you're showing concern for her safety and happiness.