How should I handle this situation with my mother-in-law?

by **dacy17** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:22 pm

My mother.in.law told my husband, and he told me that his mother thinks that I should work. I'm a stay home mom of 3 and my husband of 6yrs is bringing home a steady pay check. She can't stand the thought of me sitting around while her son works to support HIS family. Mind you, she's single and unhappy.

by **flannagain** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:25 pm

I mean this with the utmost respect, but: Is your husband a momma's boy?

First off, it's not your place to defend your honor with his family, IT'S HIS. Just as it would be your obligation to defend him if it was your family saying something unfair about him.

Secondly, he should have stood up for you when she was smack-talking your decision to actually be a mother to your children (kudos to you, by the way!)

Third, have you considered that this is how *he* feels, and he's trying to pawn it off on his mom by bringing her into the conversation and thus being super-passive about telling you how *he* feels?

I think you need to talk to your husband and find out if he really is happy with the arrangement. If he is, then you need to explain to him that your situation with him and your family is not her business and if he's not going to stand up for you then the least he could do is not run home and stir up drama by telling you about it. If it turns out that he shares her sentiments, then you can finally find out about it and you two can start working on a new situation that will make everyone happy (except her. who cares what she thinks!?!)

by **banys** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:39 pm

The decision for you to stay home with the kids is between you and your husband. Your mother in law needs to get a hobby. The decisions you and your husband make are none of her business. your not married to her. I was very fortunate to be able to stay home with my children too.
If your husband makes enough money to support you and the children, then stay home with them and later in life you will see what a true gift it was to be able to stay home with your children.
Your husband needs to tell his mom that your marriage doesnt have enough room for her to make decisions for your marriage.

1 man + 1 woman = marriage.
1 man + 1 woman + 1 mother = drama drama drama

by **dalon** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:49 pm

Your hubby needs to tell his mom to mind her own business (in a respectable manner of course ). If it's working out for you, your hubby and kids, then no one else should speak on it.

by **janyd** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:57 pm

Is your husband in the habit of allowing his mother to run his life? If he's taking his mother's advice and he's complaining that you should have a paying job and helping him out. Then ask him if he really wants to add on more work and responsibilities in his daily life by having you get a job.

If you're both working full time jobs, then you will have to divide up all the work you use to do when you were a stay at home wife and mother. He'll have to do half of all the housework, laundry, cooking, child care, grocery shopping and do half of all the household errands. What happens when one of the children get sick and wakes up in the middle of the night? Somebody has to get out of bed and take care of the child. Half of the time it will have to be him, because you have to go to work in the morning too.

These aren't the 60s anymore, where a woman has to do it all.

by **colum** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:58 pm

3 kids is a full time job IF: You cook, clean, sow, mop, vacuum and dust! If you're sitting around the house all day, then maybe you should find a job.

by **ryscford** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:12 pm

That's your husband and yours decision, if you are both comfortable and stable for you to be a stay at home mum then so be it. It's none of her business, get your husband to tell her it's got nothing to do with her, and don't get upset. My mother in law would do the same thing but I havent spoken to her in 3 months because shes a manipulative crabby ***** and my life is better without her

by **sebastiano53** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:13 pm

I agree with her, why are you allowing your husband to be your master? You are an independent woman who has a percentage of share in her future and should not rely just on her husband to bring in the money.

You could get a small job to start with and tell your mother in law that your husband has decided to do the majority of the work outside the home and you do the majority of the work within the home until the children are older and you will go back to work and he will then share the majority of housework and child care as all husbands should.

It is the worse decision that women make in being a mother and not considering that the man could die or leave her and she has to maintain her education and intelligence. It is good for the children to see their mother also works a little outside the house, as it empowers daughters and shows sons that their mothers are equals

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