How to help my wife who wants to run away.?

[chozai65]

My wife and I have been married over 4 years, we have a three year old daughter who has been with grandma for a month this summer. My wife and I went thru me being deployed. While I was deployed she cheated on me. I found out after I came home. We have been inn counseling and it has helped a ton. I even was relocated to Wisconsin so she could be closer to her home town of Duluth MN. We have been here since February and it has been a little hard on us. The reason my mother in law took my daughter for the summer was so my wife and I can reconnect. I thought it was going good. We went camping and to an amusment park. We have gone out and had dinners together and have continued counseling. She even went back home to help her friend who just had a baby by herself. Last Thursday she came home and we went to a concert Friday night. I thought we had a great time until we left the concert and she told me she wanted a divorce. The next day she took of for work and I didn't see her for two days. We argued a few times when one of us called the other. But when she came home I was calm and said what was on my mind. We went to counseling that day. My wife said she wants to be free and not answer to anyone. She said it's not me and she's not cheating. I had doubts about the cheating but thats normal since she did it in the past. She said I'm the best guy she could ask for. I don't hit her, I don't do drugs, I pay all the bills we do equel house cleaning, I do the grocery shopping and I cook 90% of the meals. I work hard and I am the best father that I know. I have faulths but I am a great guy. She said she doesn't want to be married. She doesn't want to be tied down and most of all she doesn't want to hurt me. We agreed in counseling that a break for her would be good. She is going camping by herself for a few days then house/cat sit this weekend for a girlfriend. She will also be gone for a couple weeks to get our daughter then I'm leaving for a couple weeks of army schooling. So we are going to have a nice break. But she still wants a seperation. The counselor said not to make any decisions until after she goes back to school in a month and our daughter is back in a couple weeks and see how life is for her when she goes to school and has more to focus on. She know she has issues. She told me last night she wants to get better. I want to support her all I can. We talked last night and thought we had a good chat and at the end of the conversation she told me ever since our break from our daughter she stopped caring about my emotions and she wants to leave. I don't want a divorce, I love my wife and I want us to work. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[muata2]

How to help my wife who wants to run away.?

Buy her a new pair of good running shoes and tell her to get lost!
You deserve better, so go for it!

[dureau]

She went back, not to just help her friend but she loves someone there. The heart wants what the heart wants. good luck

[dennie18]

Bro...i feel your pain....i think its time for plan B

I ve been recently reading about this guy... David DeAngelo....

He is a relationship coach...a bit eccentric....but worked loads for me and men like me.....as i find you.....too

By your story....i think what you are doing is totally the opposite of what your Mrs wants .....my guess is she is not attracted to you anymore....

Since I began reading this guy David DeAngelo.....I started to see changes in my life and relationship....now I have more of a piece of mind....

Have a read and try his ideas out....see if these make a difference for you...his ideas are primarily geared towards the world of dating....but also applies to marriages.......

all the best...!

***********************************
HERE IS ONE EXAMPLE
***********************************

What Causes Women To Leave Men?


>I want to tell you the story of how I learned to
overcome my fears with women, plus how I learned
to approach women, get phone numbers, get dates,
and take things to a "physical" level smoothly and
without rejection. If you'd like to read my story,
then click here:

http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/Catalog/


Why do women leave men?

Interesting question, isn't it?

We've all had women leave us...

And we've all been in the situation, wondering
why she was leaving... and willing to do literally
ANYTHING to get her to stay.

Read the following scenarios, and nod your head
silently if you can identify with one of them:

- You met an incredible woman, and you really hit
it off at the beginning. But the more time you
spent with her, the less interested she became...
but the MORE interested you became. You could feel
the balance of power shifting, but there was
nothing you could do about it. Eventually she just
stopped seeing you, but she never explained why in
a way that made any sense...

- You were seeing a woman for several months,
maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine.
But then one day she came to you and said, "I
don't know how I feel anymore, and I just need
some time ALONE... some time to 'find myself'...
it's not YOU, it's ME"... but, her time "alone"
turned into her seeing some other guy that didn't
treat her half as well as you did...

- You were in a serious long-term relationship
that had lasted more than a couple of years, and
you were with the woman you thought you'd spend
the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your
problems, but you knew that you'd always work
through whatever came up, and she would stick by
your side forever. Out of nowhere, she started
acting strange... she started to become more
controlling and angry... no matter how hard you
tried to make her feel better and do nice things,
it only got worse. They she dropped the bomb that
she didn't love you anymore, and she was leaving.
Or maybe she cheated on you, then told you as her
way of breaking up...

...of course, there are a million variations of
these basic situations, but I'll bet you can
identify with one of them.

I can identify with ALL of them. In fact, I've
been through each of them... some more than once.

And I'll tell you... I can remember the PAIN
and the DESPERATION I felt each time.

I mean, it SUCKED. I hated it.

Probably the WORST part of it was the feeling
of POWERLESSNESS that went along with each time.

It's bad enough having the woman you like or
love leave you... but to have to ALSO deal with
the fact that you don't know how to change things,
and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT is just
plain depressing.

Again, if you've been there, nod silently with
me...

Now let's talk about how to AVOID this kind of
thing in the future.


THE PROBLEM ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK

The first thing you must realize in this type
of situation is that the problem you're dealing
with isn't what you THINK it is.

Most guys naturally assume that the woman is
leaving them because he's not being "nice" enough,
or he's not giving her what she wants, or he's not
being a good boyfriend... etc.

Or they assume that this is just "one of those
things that happens", that "feelings change" and
that there's really nothing he could have done
anyway.

Well, these ideas, and almost all the others
that most guys think, are DEAD WRONG.

So STEP ONE is for you to realize that what you
THINK you know is WRONG. Throw it out.

Start over, and open your mind to a new way of
seeing things. I'll share more on this later.


YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAME

Now I want to talk about what NOT to do.

I know that this is going to sound pretty
obvious, but if what you're doing isn't working in
a particular situation, you need to STOP.

Don't keep doing what's not working.

In other words, if the woman you love is
breaking up with you, and you've been being nice
to her, doing whatever she wants, and telling her
that you'll do anything to make it better... if
only she'll stay... then STOP.

Stop doing that.

Whatever it is you're doing that isn't working
ISN'T WORKING. Duh.

So stop it immediately.

More of the same is only going to get you more
of what is happening.


WHY ATTRACTION IS SO IMPORTANT

One of the main reasons why I talk about and
teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it
comes to these types of situations, the REAL
underlying reason for them is usually that the
woman doesn't feel ATTRACTION anymore.

When it all boils down, she just plain does not
FEEL IT.

Now, a woman will say and do all kinds of
things OTHER than telling you that this is the
problem.

Women have all these ideas in their heads, like
"I can't tell him how I REALLY feel because I
don't want to hurt his feelings" and "I can't tell
him what's going on because I don't want to
emasculate him" and "It's just easier if I just go
away".

Love it.

But when you take away all of the B. S., and
you get right to the core of what's going on,
you'll usually find that it all boils down to
ATTRACTION... or, more specifically, the LACK of
ATTRACTION.

I'm going to say something that's pretty bold
right now. Get ready.

If you do not know how to make a woman feel the
GUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called
ATTRACTION, then you are going to be out of
control in relationships, and you will very likely
have women leave you for the rest of your life.

There is no security when you don't "get it" in
the ATTRACTION department.

And you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Women KNOW that they have the upper hand with
most men.

As a guy, you can FEEL IT when a woman "has you
by the balls".

And even if she's not evil or mean, a woman can
still crush you emotionally when she's in this
powerful position.

Well, guess what?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GIVES HER THIS POWER.

And if you choose, you can KEEP this power for
YOURSELF.

Before I give you some tips on how to do this,
I want to recommend something to you. If you know
that you give your power away to women too often,
and you'd like to get a SERIOUS mental overhaul in
this area, then check this out before you read the
next section:

http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/OnBeingAMan


SOLVE THE PROBLEM BEFORE IT STARTS

Now, the BEST way to deal with this particular
problem is to SOLVE it BEFORE it even starts.

The absolute most important prevention method
is an understanding of female psychology and
ATTRACTION.

Here are a few pointers to get you started:

1) Women are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

Women don't feel ATTRACTION for weak men.

Sure, if you chase a woman for long enough, and
buy her enough things, she may "fall" for you. But
in that case it's not because she feels ATTRACTION
for you. OHHHHH NO. It's because she feels
AFFECTION for you, and she confuses it with
ATTRACTION.

So if your Inner Wussy has been taking the
wheel, EVICT IT! *****-slap the Wuss out of
yourself. Do it now.

2) Don't be PREDICTABLE.

Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to
attraction.

If a woman can guess what you're going to do or
say, you're being predictable.

If she CAN'T guess what you're going to do or
say, she'll always be wondering...

Now, keep in mind that women are MUCH better at
predicting behavior than men.

So if you're going to stop being predictable,
then you're going to need to LEARN how.

To begin with, PAUSE before you do and say
things. Think about what you'd normally do, then
DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Throw in some crazy, off-the- wall stuff for
good measure.

Predictable is BAD BAD BAD for business.

3) Don't be BORING.

Boring is the bastard child of Predictable.

When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new
or different, then you are officially BORING.

Boring is also the lack of adventure, passion,
energy, humor, and ATTRACTION.

Unfortunately, most men are REALLY, REALLY,
REALLLLLLLLLLLLY boring.

I mean like shoot-yourself boring.

Like, if there was a "Boring Score" that took
into account everything from food to clothing to
interests to conversation, most men would score a
99.75 on a 100 scale.

It's a bad situation.

I used to be pretty damn boring myself, so
boring, in fact, that I could probably be
certified as an expert on the topic.

So take it from me, BORING is BAD

[ern]

It sounds like you have a good counselor. Your wife sounds like she is going through some 'growing pains' and unfortunately you have to watch. When you were deployed, she had freedoms she doesn't have now - and I'm not talking about sexual freedoms. I mean that now, when she is with you, she doesn't have any time when she's just free to be herself, decide for herself how she wants to spend the afternoon, etc. Add to that, she is a mom and so all her time, she thinks about the care of that child.
If your wife wants a separation, you can't change that. But - and I'd discuss this with a counselor - you can discuss how to give her more 'space' and freedom - and how much space and freedom she wants to give you. A separation is a separation, not divorce (although that can follow). Do you have a social life with other couples? That helps.

[josephus]

She cheated and you're fighting for the relationship harder than she is! That's crazy. She cheated and she obviously doesn't care about how you feel. You should grant her the divorce because you deserve a better wife than that. You shouldn't be stressing over a cheating spouse. She will realize once you are gone and have moved on that you were everything she could have ever wanted and being alone isn't all its cut out to be. Just continue to be a good father and move on. She will regret her decision and hopefully by then time has healed your wounds and you have found someone better. Prayers your way but I beg you....don't stress about this issue. You have done your duty as a husband to care for your wife and child and provide for your household. You are even serving the country and going through counseling. You are a REAL man and even she has to acknowledge that to a certain degree. Move On...you will be much happier in the long run.

[pete]

She cheated and you're fighting for the relationship harder than she is! That's crazy. She cheated and she obviously doesn't care about how you feel. You should grant her the divorce because you deserve a better wife than that. You shouldn't be stressing over a cheating spouse. She will realize once you are gone and have moved on that you were everything she could have ever wanted and being alone isn't all its cut out to be. Just continue to be a good father and move on. She will regret her decision and hopefully by then time has healed your wounds and you have found someone better. Prayers your way but I beg you....don't stress about this issue. You have done your duty as a husband to care for your wife and child and provide for your household. You are even serving the country and going through counseling. You are a REAL man and even she has to acknowledge that to a certain degree. Move On...you will be much happier in the long run.

If you take her back, your setting yourself up for major heartache and pain. This is not the atmosphere that you need to be raising a child in. So put your feelings to the side, because this is no longer about you and your feelings. This is about your 3 year old daughter. She needs a stable home life. Do what you have to for her. Kick the serial cheating b*tch you call a wife to the curb, and take care of your daughter.

[maddox]

She cheated and you're fighting for the relationship harder than she is! That's crazy. She cheated and she obviously doesn't care about how you feel. You should grant her the divorce because you deserve a better wife than that. You shouldn't be stressing over a cheating spouse. She will realize once you are gone and have moved on that you were everything she could have ever wanted and being alone isn't all its cut out to be. Just continue to be a good father and move on. She will regret her decision and hopefully by then time has healed your wounds and you have found someone better. Prayers your way but I beg you....don't stress about this issue. You have done your duty as a husband to care for your wife and child and provide for your household. You are even serving the country and going through counseling. You are a REAL man and even she has to acknowledge that to a certain degree. Move On...you will be much happier in the long run.

If you take her back, your setting yourself up for major heartache and pain. This is not the atmosphere that you need to be raising a child in. So put your feelings to the side, because this is no longer about you and your feelings. This is about your 3 year old daughter. She needs a stable home life. Do what you have to for her. Kick the serial cheating b*tch you call a wife to the curb, and take care of your daughter.

It sounds like she has already given up. Your job as a husband and father is to lift up the rest of your household (helping with chores, cooking, providing financially, etc.) which you are doing to your highest capacity as a man. So kudos for that. She is in a stupor right now that's hard to get out of. Usually that stupor starts with a fantasy about being single and not being "tied down."

Think about a rubber band for a moment. When you stretch this rubber band, at what point does it have the greatest resistance?

Answer: Just before it pops.

So maybe the breakthrough you've been hoping for is very close. Keep pushing until there is absolutely nothing left. Coming out of this situation will make your family stronger than you could imagine. Good luck to ya bro

[bocley]

Your story brought tears to my eyes..
An idle mind is a devil's workshop...She need to do something to keep her emotions in a positive state...Prayerfully, those trips etc...will bring her mind back to reality and realize that you really do love her even though you are actively in the service.
You sound like a good dam man! Nobody is perfect but just remember... "Once a cheater... always a cheater".
Good luck!

[fenwick]

She has someone else or doesn't love you and both equal the same she wants out. What you need to do is look after you and your kid and not pay much attention to her, you don't need someone that doesn't love you she is selfish and you and your kid have to pay for it,

Karma will get her in the end