How would you react if accused of stealing from your family?

[sherborne16]

It's a pretty long winded story but I'll try and cut it down as much as possible. My brother is in a residential home because he can't take care of himself, the family can't meet his needs. We visit him regularly, me once a week and my dad once a month. He likes DVD's so I buy him what he wants online and he draws out the money to give to me. This place had no internet access.

My dad has been very funny about this practise and I recently found out from one of the staff that he suspects I'm overcharging him for the DVD's. By the sound of it he's been calling me a thief for quite some time. I usually get them on ebay or amazon to get them as cheap as I can. I even offered to take out a rental deal with lovefilm to save him money but my brother didn't like the idea of being so restricted (3x things at a time max). I've started printing off receipts for the stuff he buys as per my brothers request. I can only assume my dad has told him to ask for this.

I suspect he's trying to slander me because he doesn't care for my brother like I do. Maybe he thinks I make him look bad, I don't know. He's always been very selfish and has said before that kids are just a load of hassle and I shouldn't have any. He's a very unpleasant man.

Should I confront him about it? We really don't speak that often because we don't get alone, there have also been rows in the past about his selfishness and lack of respect for my brother.

[wal49]

It's a pretty long winded story but I'll try and cut it down as much as possible. My brother is in a residential home because he can't take care of himself, the family can't meet his needs. We visit him regularly, me once a week and my dad once a month. He likes DVD's so I buy him what he wants online and he draws out the money to give to me. This place had no internet access.

My dad has been very funny about this practise and I recently found out from one of the staff that he suspects I'm overcharging him for the DVD's. By the sound of it he's been calling me a thief for quite some time. I usually get them on ebay or amazon to get them as cheap as I can. I even offered to take out a rental deal with lovefilm to save him money but my brother didn't like the idea of being so restricted (3x things at a time max). I've started printing off receipts for the stuff he buys as per my brothers request. I can only assume my dad has told him to ask for this.

I suspect he's trying to slander me because he doesn't care for my brother like I do. Maybe he thinks I make him look bad, I don't know. He's always been very selfish and has said before that kids are just a load of hassle and I shouldn't have any. He's a very unpleasant man.

Should I confront him about it? We really don't speak that often because we don't get alone, there have also been rows in the past about his selfishness and lack of respect for my brother.

Look, u have proof. Confront him and he shouldnt have anything to say against u once u show him the PROOF.

[bergh39]

I'd confront my father, and say to him that "apparently the staff (I wouldn't mention any names) are saying that 'a certain individual' has been accusing me behind my back of stealing from my brother... why would they say such a thing?" and just leave it at that.... and to be honest, I'd cut off all contact with my father if he could do such a nasty thing.
Your father will know that you know what has been said.

To be honest.... if a person accuses you of stealing... it means it is something that has gone through their own mind, to give them the idea.

And it might be an idea to have a word with the care-home manager, to explain what has been said (again, without identifying which member of staff told you), and to show the DVD reciepts & your brothers bank account withdrawal statements.... to prove that the only money you have been given, is to pay for the DVD's.
If you can get a look at your brother's bank statements, you can check ALL the withdrawals being made, to see if any other 'unexplained' payments are being made to anyone else.