I Don't Think My Obese Mother In Law Is Fit Enough To Look After My Son. What Should I Do?

by **vaughan53** » Mon Jan 20, 2014 7:07 pm

My mum in law is very over weight and is currently looking after my son 2 days a week. She gets out of breath at the smallest tasks as she also suffers from Asthma. She has bad knees, diabetes, a bad back and finds it difficult to get out of her chair.She knows that she needs to change as she keeps telling me she is gong to do it, but with no action so far.I am really worried that one day my son will be in a dangerous situation(as he wil soon be walking) and she will not get to him quick enough.I am seriously doubting my decision to go back to work as this is really making me more anxious than anyone could know. My husband agrees with me but doesn't want to hurt her feelings, and wouldn't know how to address the situation.I love her like my own mum and would never want to hurt her as she is doing us a lovely favour by looking after him(and he adores her too!) I can't help resenting her for her lack of motivation.What should I do?!

by **Shai** » Wed Jan 22, 2014 3:34 am

Why are you trusting her with him two days a week right now? He is obviously starting to get around in a walker or pulling himself up and grabbing things.. correct?What difference does it make? He's still going to get into things... that is perfectly normal for children his age.As long as she can provide a safe environment, than she should be allowed to babysit.So let me get this straight.. she's okay to babysit for now.. but when the child is older he will be walking and getting into things and you do not feel that she could be trustworthy.I wouldn't hurt his grandmum by telling her anything about her weight. This should be done by her doctor or her son. I can't imagine an obese woman suffering anymore than she already has.If you are very close to her.. try to help her get on a balanced sugar-free diet, that will help her shed some pounds.. maybe even exercise with her. You cannot condemn someone for being over weight. I have a best friend that has struggled with weight issues, and it's very difficult for her to lose the weight without help.I can tell you that she is probably the best grand mum in the world, and I wouldn't worry about too muchabout it.. and to tell you the honest truth.. She has many problems.. Why are you adding to it?Please.. If you think she is not doing a good job.. than do not leave the baby with her.You said the baby loves her and she loves him.. so let her be overweight and enjoy her time with him.I do not think that she's unfit because she is overweight.I am not over weight now.. but, when I was carrying my son.. I got over the 200 mark and I still chased my friends kids around.. I had a breathing problem along with spasms in my back.This grandmum needs encouragement and love. Please.. Do me a favor and rethink this plan out... You do not want to separate your son from the granny that he knows and loves. Maybe you could just bring the child there two days a week and help her care for him.DO not make her do anything that her doctor has ordered. She has a lot of medical problems and maybe exercising too much could cause more damage than what it is worth. Allow her son to mention this to her. Blood relatives sometimes can get through to their loved ones better than in laws or friends.Remember, she isn't going to be here forever.. so allow your baby to enjoy the love and special bond that they have shared together so far.Good Luck to you, your son and his SPECIAL GRANDMUM!!!

by **Joshua** » Thu Jan 30, 2014 12:09 pm

As a me-me I can say that no matter what you say it is going to break her heart...now with that said choose carefully what and how you say it and explain that you are thinking of her and her being around and able to see your child grow up. I hope that like the others mentioned she loves this baby enough to do what she needs to. You might also offer yours and your husbands help in anyway possible and make sure she gets plenty of time with the baby. She can reach the goals she needs to with help from all of you.

by **Hadlai** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:19 pm

~Nutty~ said: 5 Why are you trusting her with him two days a week right now? He is obviously starting to get around in a walker or pulling himself up and grabbing things.. correct?What difference does it make? He's still going to get into things... that is perfectly normal for children his age.As long as she can provide a safe environment, than she should be allowed to babysit.So let me get this straight.. she's okay to babysit for now.. but when the child is older he will be walking and getting into things and you do not feel that she could be trustworthy.I wouldn't hurt his grandmum by telling her anything about her weight. This should be done by her doctor or her son. I can't imagine an obese woman suffering anymore than she already has.If you are very close to her.. try to help her get on a balanced sugar-free diet, that will help her shed some pounds.. maybe even exercise with her. You cannot condemn someone for being over weight. I have a best friend that has struggled with weight issues, and it's very difficult for her to lose the weight without help.I can tell you that she is probably the best grand mum in the world, and I wouldn't worry about too muchabout it.. and to tell you the honest truth.. She has many problems.. Why are you adding to it?Please.. If you think she is not doing a good job.. than do not leave the baby with her.You said the baby loves her and she loves him.. so let her be overweight and enjoy her time with him.I do not think that she's unfit because she is overweight.I am not over weight now.. but, when I was carrying my son.. I got over the 200 mark and I still chased my friends kids around.. I had a breathing problem along with spasms in my back.This grandmum needs encouragement and love. Please.. Do me a favor and rethink this plan out... You do not want to separate your son from the granny that he knows and loves. Maybe you could just bring the child there two days a week and help her care for him.DO not make her do anything that her doctor has ordered. She has a lot of medical problems and maybe exercising too much could cause more damage than what it is worth. Allow her son to mention this to her. Blood relatives sometimes can get through to their loved ones better than in laws or friends.Remember, she isn't going to be here forever.. so allow your baby to enjoy the love and special bond that they have shared together so far.Good Luck to you, your son and his SPECIAL GRANDMUM!!! 59 months ago

by **Bartlett** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 4:56 am

As a 'Gramps' married to 'Mum-Mum' who can't keep up with our 3 year old Grandson I am here to tell you that you need to have this conversation with your Mother-In-Law...Your phraseology will be all-important, of course, and my recommendation is that you should take the position that if she isn't going to get herself into better shape in order to properly supervise your child then you are going to be forced to either give up your job, or put the child into daycare. With that in mind, she needs to realize that she needs to do this for the child(since she apparently doesn't think enough of herself to do it for herself). The child will need to be able to 'run free' for the most part in order to fully benefit during these early years. Almost as importantly, she should be made to realize what a joy it is to observe first hand this learning and growing the child will be doing, and that it will be a terrible shame if she was to miss out.The child's safety is paramount.There is time, though. She can lose a lot of weight in a year, and also get a lot stronger in that time. A year from now she will need to be, and if she is not she will regret her failure for the rest of her life.

by **collyer** » Mon Feb 10, 2014 12:26 pm

feisty_sugar said: 4 As a me-me I can say that no matter what you say it is going to break her heart...now with that said choose carefully what and how you say it and explain that you are thinking of her and her being around and able to see your child grow up. I hope that like the others mentioned she loves this baby enough to do what she needs to. You might also offer yours and your husbands help in anyway possible and make sure she gets plenty of time with the baby. She can reach the goals she needs to with help from all of you. 59 months ago

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