I don't want to live anymore, i wish i was never born?

by **barend31** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:31 pm

I don't want to hurt my family. Lately I've just been wondering how I can disappear with no trace, the other day even unconsciously imagined burning, blowing up or being eaten by sea creatures.

I'm not just feeling sorry for my self. I don't have anyone to talk to.I've been feeling this way on and off since I was 12. I'm 25 now, still no degree.. I lent my brother my laptop for his deployment and had 2 start days go by for online school because he still hasn't returned it. Well I guess my education isn't important. I've moved just about every 2 years of my life due to all sorts of crap.

I'm tired of working so hard and never getting where I want to be. I've worked full-time ever since I was able, I only have about 48 college credits. My last move was because I was denied succession rights to my late grandfathers apartment. I couldn't find a job in NYC right away and even sold my self just to get by.

I'm again in a new town, new state, no friends,** just found out I was being cheated on.** I regret everyone I ever let touch me. I want to be more than a piece of ***. And I even stayed single for 3 years to soul search so imagine the betrayal I feel. I feel like death. I feel like I wont be able to feel much longer. Sometimes I find myself staring and feeling numb. I don't do drugs and I don't want medication because if you had my life you might feel this way too.

I just want to get my degree in environmental science and go to law school. I wanted marriage and a family but may not be able to have kids because I may of had sex too young...
My new state has poor health insurance, I just got fired.

I was previously a human service major, I want to help people. I want to move to a third world country one day and help. I don't see anything in my future just failure. I feel used, unappreciated, looked at only for sex, never mind my passions and goals, I feel stupid.

All my siblings are married with kids, I'm keeping widowed mom company and just failing in the mean

by **kyledyr** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:36 pm

Hi,

Positivity attracts Positivity and vice versa. No matter how low you feel you WILL feel better.

Keep yourself preoccupied.

Wanting to help others is very commendable, there are few selfless people like that so concentrate on your positive attributes.

Forget about the times you've been hurt by men, everytime it feels like you won't get over the hurt and next minute you've got a new crush.

And I think you could do better than a make-up artist. Concentrate on education and look up volunteers for charity work.

Even if you get on hard times don't sell yourself, look for cash in hand jobs instead. It will all work itself out, you're only as confident as you want to be.

Good Luck

by **kyledyr** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:43 pm

Hey so if ur luking for a job try something ur interested like make up try practising an again n be a make up artist if not anything else

by **hjortur** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:44 pm

its not too late to turn your life around. go to a community college and finish up some of those credits..get your associates. if money is an issue, apply for some financial aid. im sure your family could help. you must end the street life and start a new life. its not too late. there are ppl out there who prolly do need your help. get a degree in psychology and when you go back to school, im sure you'll meet new friends and ppl. good luck!

by **marmion** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:57 pm

One day you will wake up one morning, and life will be fulfilling. It may seem dull and empty like there is nothing to live for at times, but you just have to wait til the day when you are glad you fought through your past. You may feel like you're in constant stormy weather, but it can't rain forever.

by **naseem** » Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:01 pm

In the state where I live there all kinds of help for women and men who are sincere about an education. Try not to go back into the life you came from. That just tends to make one lose self-esteem and respect for themselves. Take a low paying job until something else comes along. I personally believe that God has a plan for all of us. Find a church to go to and usually you can find help there. There are a lot of jerks out there but just as many earth angels. Speak the name of Jesus and He will know that you are calling on Him. He won't let you down but we can't let Him down either. I have found that those who are confused and their life is going down-hill just need to rest their mind and let Jesus guide them. I will be praying for you. God Bless!!!

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