I'm Upset About The Way My Daughter-in-law Handles Gifts I Send To Their House.

[Hadlai]

I don't want to upset either her or my son, but something needs to be done. When I asked my son how the kids like the gifts that I mailed them he didn't know they had gotten anything from me. When I described the gifts, he said the kids had love them, but he thought that his wife's mother had given them. Also, I sent a large gift card to a local restaurant for him and his wife, which the daughter-in-law put in her purse and "forgot" to tell him about. She didn't admit to receiving it until he'd researched on line and found out when it had been delivered. This is the second year that this has happened.Any suggestion as to how I can handle this without causing a family rift!

[Brigg]

Start addressing the package to your son, and tell the kids before you send gifts. How old are the kids? If they are old enough for the phone, and you want to make sure the kids know YOU sent the gifts, you might want to talk to them yourself before and after you send the gifts so the kids connect them to you. If they're too young, they might just be forgetful.   It might be better if you address the gifts to your son instead of daughter-in-law. He is your son and, really, the only one bound by blood to be responsible for doing what you ask. Address the package directly to him and make it his problem when the kids don't know who the gifts came from. His wife's weird mail behavior should be his problem, not yours.   As added insurance, you can send the gifts with a tracking number for 30 cents to a dollar, and you can bug him immediately when the package arrives. If you want to make a point of it, you can also require that your son(and only your son) sign for the package when you send it in the mail. ayleedleedlee 65 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Caoimhin]

There are several approaches to hopefully solving without upsetting anyone except DIL?s planned use of future gifts.   I suggest the easiest is to inform your son first of what your plans are, what you are sending as gifts to the Grand kids so he?s aware of it. Send the gift card to the local restaurant when possible to your sons place of business, when this is not possible order from restaurant and tell him he can pick it up!   There is not much the wife can do, she can?t get upset or vocal about it without giving herself away as selfish. This will mean in the future the other Grandma either sends an actual gift or nothing. What I don?t understand is your son did not think it odd no gift arriving from you, surely he had to notice but said nothing to you.   The other options are registered or insured mail making one sign for the package, do this and inform your son that they are on the way that someone needs to sign for the packages sent. This can upset no one, you merely wish to ensure they arrive in one piece and there is an avenue to recover losses if broken or lost. The DIL here again can?t make any noise at your decision, this way your son can look for your sent package everyday and there is no way for her to say it did not arrive, her signature will give her away!   Good luck!

[Auley]

real choices You already know your...real...choice. Of course, you could do what so many do and mix in a marriage...not your own.   Another common mistake is when we decide that..."something must be done"! We can believe this just the same way be believe the other collection of misconceptions and illogical beliefs we hold dear.   On the other hand, you could show the magnanimity and largess to stay above the situation.   You decide. skep 65 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Adika]

...this is going to be one of those "walking on eggshells" things! One way might be to address the package to your son, and inside have the individually wrapped gifts, along with a fun little note "instructing" son to act as your elf, and announce with each gift, "This is from Grandma!" On each tag, you could write a note and say "Please call me and let me know if this is the right size(or color, or one you wanted)!"   Sheesh. What IS her issue that she feels it is her place to intercept gifts?!? That is attrocious behavior. I hope your son is a good influence on her, and helps her get over some of her "issues."   Goldie

[Alastair]

I am sorry to hear, how sad.. There are several approaches to hopefully solving without upsetting anyone except DIL?s planned use of future gifts.   I suggest the easiest is to inform your son first of what your plans are, what you are sending as gifts to the Grand kids so he?s aware of it. Send the gift card to the local restaurant when possible to your sons place of business, when this is not possible order from restaurant and tell him he can pick it up!   There is not much the wife can do, she can?t get upset or vocal about it without giving herself away as selfish. This will mean in the future the other Grandma either sends an actual gift or nothing. What I don?t understand is your son did not think it odd no gift arriving from you, surely he had to notice but said nothing to you.   The other options are registered or insured mail making one sign for the package, do this and inform your son that they are on the way that someone needs to sign for the packages sent. This can upset no one, you merely wish to ensure they arrive in one piece and there is an avenue to recover losses if broken or lost. The DIL here again can?t make any noise at your decision, this way your son can look for your sent package everyday and there is no way for her to say it did not arrive, her signature will give her away!   Good luck! Sources: PC123 WoolyBadBooger 65 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[mardel]

You already know your...real...choice. Of course, you could do what so many do and mix in a marriage...not your own.   Another common mistake is when we decide that..."something must be done"! We can believe this just the same way be believe the other collection of misconceptions and illogical beliefs we hold dear.   On the other hand, you could show the magnanimity and largess to stay above the situation.   You decide.

[Reilley]

If it were me, I'd stop giving gifts for a while.  My own two daughters each went through spells like you described above, and so I just stopped gifting for a while.  It grieved me to do so, but it was very grievous to have to follow-up on the gifts as well, and it was getting to be like a boomerang.  So, when it dawned on me what was happening, I just stopped for a while.   I'm really sorry this has happened to you.  It sounds to me like your son and daughter-in-law aren't very good about communicating with each other, at least where gifts from you are concerned.   You could, if you really want to give them something, start sending them to your son at his office instead of having them sent to their house or p.o. box.  That might feel funny to you at first, but if part of your intent is to let the their children know that YOU are thinking of them and to let your son and daughter-in-law know that as well, then that's one way to get your message across.    Your daughter-in-law has some issues, obviously.  It makes me wonder if her own mother doesn't give as generously as you do, and so she's sort of rewriting history as it goes along.   I'm really sorry.  This makes me sad for you.  I sort of know how you feel.  There was no hiding or rewriting of history, there was just no acknowledgment whatever, much less a phone call to say thank you.

[courtland87]

Very delicately... ...this is going to be one of those "walking on eggshells" things! One way might be to address the package to your son, and inside have the individually wrapped gifts, along with a fun little note "instructing" son to act as your elf, and announce with each gift, "This is from Grandma!" On each tag, you could write a note and say "Please call me and let me know if this is the right size(or color, or one you wanted)!"   Sheesh. What IS her issue that she feels it is her place to intercept gifts?!? That is attrocious behavior. I hope your son is a good influence on her, and helps her get over some of her "issues."   Goldie @Goldie 65 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Aadi]

How old are the kids? If they are old enough for the phone, and you want to make sure the kids know YOU sent the gifts, you might want to talk to them yourself before and after you send the gifts so the kids connect them to you. If they're too young, they might just be forgetful.   It might be better if you address the gifts to your son instead of daughter-in-law. He is your son and, really, the only one bound by blood to be responsible for doing what you ask. Address the package directly to him and make it his problem when the kids don't know who the gifts came from. His wife's weird mail behavior should be his problem, not yours.   As added insurance, you can send the gifts with a tracking number for 30 cents to a dollar, and you can bug him immediately when the package arrives. If you want to make a point of it, you can also require that your son(and only your son) sign for the package when you send it in the mail.