I'm upset that my son was left out? He's always the one left out and he's starting to realize it now...?

by **shen86** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:40 pm

My in laws are going to Indiana (we live in PA) to my MIL's mom's for Thanksgiving. She is at the end of her battle with lymphoma and it will probably be the last time the extended family sees her, and her last holiday to celebrate period. My son's father didn't even ask our son if he wanted to go but it wasn't even a question that the other grandchild gets to go. My son has never met her, I haven't even personally met her, but she always sends him money for birthday and Christmas so I thought it would be a great experience for him to go and spend time with his part of the family he's never met.

I'm not sure how to tell him why he can't go. Using her illness as an "excuse" is unacceptable because my own mother, who he loves dearly, has been fighting cancer for 12 years. Plus it just wouldn't make sense why he is the only one not going. Not enough room in the car isn't valid because they're taking 2 cars and I would love for him to go so I can't lie and say I chose for him not to go.

I hate lying to my children but the real reason is probably that his father simply doesn't want to deal with him by himself that long, which I can't tell him that either.

Any advice on how I can tell him without lying, but not upsetting him either?

by **josephus** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:45 pm

I suggest you tell him she is sick and it would not be a good time for him to visit her . If you really think the reason he is not invited is because "his father doesn't want to deal with him " then it's best for this 8 yr old not to be put in this negative situation . Of course it's sad that he is not invited but I think it's more sad that his father has the attitude that he has towards his son . . Don't make an issue of this whole thing ..it will only serve to make the child feel really left out ....arrange to have some fun things planned for him to do when that time comes around .
I think if I were in you situation ..I would not tell him the truth , in time he will learn ...not all people a nice / thoughtful / considerate / loving and not all fathers / mothers are good parents .

by **tahmelapachme33** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:47 pm

not really the truth hurts and that is that. But I can see that there is favoritism in the family and it needs to be addressed soon I think the child should meet his dads side of the family. What ever you do don't lie to your son but break it to him easy that his dad doesn't want him to go and let him ask his dad why he can't go. good luck

by **bedyw25** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:52 pm

I would just tell him that she is very sick and he doesn't need to see her in that condition.
If I were in that situation idk if I would even want my son to go see this person. He has never met her, and his first and probably last meeting will be with someone that is very ill, not a good memory for a child, in my opinion.

If your son if your husbands step son then it's not that big of a deal anyways. The sick grandma isn't even your son's blood.

by **dalon** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:54 pm

Personally I can't see the reason you could not send your son on the trip ev en if his dad did not ask him wheather he wanted to go most important you would like for him to go on the trip, it's only fitting for him to go and see his grandmother for the last time because she was always kind to him over the years, If I were you I would send him along with the rest of the family maybe he is longing to see his dad it's a prize for being left out all the time no need to lie and upsetting your son send him on the trip.

by **jocheved** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:57 pm

Personally I can't see the reason you could not send your son on the trip ev en if his dad did not ask him wheather he wanted to go most important you would like for him to go on the trip, it's only fitting for him to go and see his grandmother for the last time because she was always kind to him over the years, If I were you I would send him along with the rest of the family maybe he is longing to see his dad it's a prize for being left out all the time no need to lie and upsetting your son send him on the trip.

I agree with FLO actually. I wouldn't really want to send my child to another state just to have them meet someone on their deathbed.

It seems like there are deeper issues here. The inlaws favoring one child over another. That's always hurtful. It's made worse when your husband goes along with it. I wouldn't push the issue at the moment since they are dealing with the aunt and the holiday however I would have a long talk with hubby when they got back.

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