My brother in law has a new girlfriend, her son is a few years older than my daughter and he is autistic.?

[jerrick]

I have a few concerns. While we were having dinner with the family, her son took my daughter into one of the back rooms and wanted to shut the door. My daughter is only 8 years old, I have not had the "don't let anyone touch you in these parts" talk with her yet as I don't want to scare her. I realized last night that this is a conversation I must have with her. However, I am still not comfortable having her around my bro-in-laws girlfriends kid without adult supervision. I don't know how to approach this with his mother, I don't want it to seem like my husband and I have prejudice against children with autism (not the case at all- it is only about our daughters safety). Am I right to be concerned? I know that some children with autism don't seem to have a good idea of right from wrong, and to be honest, this woman doesn't seem to have any control over her children, autistic or not. I don't know if this boy would try to touch my daughter or do anything inappropriate, and I really don't want any tension in my family. What should I do?

[mate]

Autistic girlfriends son or not...at 8 you really need to have that talk with her. It isn't an inappropirate talk..you don't have to mention sex or body parts...just keep it simple. Who is and isn't allowed to see your private parts and noone is ever allowed to touch your private parts. If you don't feel comfortable having this talk and don't know how to approach it..look for a book you like and use that.

There really isn't any reason for you to bring your concern up to his mother(unless you really think something will happen (not because he is autistic) but because he is a BOY older than your child....when he wants to close the door. Get up..walk to the room they are in and say..the door needs to stay opened..that is our rule with all "friends" If you suspect...ask your daughter what they did in the room.

I have lots of kids over for playdates...autistic..and "typical" the rule is...the doors always stay opened!

And...to be honest..I would be more concerned if he wasn't autistic(: IF autism is new to you, and this child will be in your life and around your child and you are concerned...research Autism, educate yourself and if you have questions....ask his mother!!!! Not in a...I am afraid to have my kid around yours way...do it in a way....of curiosity. "I don't have any knowledge about Autism..I would love to understand more...most parents with special needs children like to talk about there children so others understand them and what the parents go through daily. It isn't an easy thing at all to deal with. Your child also needs to know about differences in people. she may be wondering why he acts differently...you need to explain that to her so she understands and is kind to others that are "different"
I think you need to understand Autism....so ask about it or research. then teach your child to be kind to piers with special needs.

I don't have an Autisic child but know many with Autism and other special needs. All the kids I know with Autism are very imature for there age.

I am NOT AT ALL saying you shouldn't be concerned. If you are...what the mother thinks from your concern..IMO doesn't matter. Your daughters saftey NEEDS to come first. So do what your gut says. Talk to your brother in law...ask him the questions, then if you dont get answers...talk to the mother.

[hackett]

You decision is just right about talking with your daughter because she's you daughter and you will do anything you can to keep her safe.

[aingeni]

First of all, at 8 years old, you have waited far too long to not give her the 'don't let anyone touch you in these parts'. Many girls have already been molested by 8. Secondly, an autistic child should always be supervised when in a stranger's home and you are literally a stranger. I would mention the issue to the mother (about him wanting to close the door) to be alert to any inappropriate behavior by her son when visiting others. When he is at your house, he will be supervised at all times.