My inlaws are over every single day!?

by **felabeorbt** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:31 am

Ive been with my bf for two years now. I have a seven year old daughter and the nine month old baby is with him. We are generally happy but over the last few mos his family that lives in our neighborhood started comming over every day...eps his sister. They are a puerto riccan family...very nice people and ive never had any problems with them and my spanish is getting pretty good. Im white i have a small quiet family and we always call beforewe visit and arent that close. My sis in law is awsome she watches both my kids while i work everyday at her house.BUT then she comes over around 5 pm to hang out with her brother, my bf. She is often here before i get home from work too and often eats dinner with us. His family is big and close and they all walk in each others houses, but i dont want this at my house. After three weeks straight of this i cracked and flipped on my bf. He got mad and defensive and told his sis i did not want her at my house any more. I called her and told her that wasnt the case we just need some family time. She was cool about it but quickly returned to the habbit. Now that is summer her and the brothers are in and out of my house all the time, and just walk in and check out my fridge. I feel like my baby is being taken over and i have no privacy. The other night we sat down to watch a movie when it was quiet and my bf said "let me call my sister she will want to see this" I didnt mind but she brought thier mother and two brothers and it was a work night.im a neat freak too and i never have time to clean bc i have company....im getting a complex like they think im a bad wifey. They are always happy and warm and fun and i love them but im need privacy on my home and down time. My bf sees nothing wrong withit and when i mention little things he says they are just a close family. I dont say much bc i have to deal with them so much and they watch my kids but its ruining my relatinship with my bf bc we have no privacy and we can nevet talk. And unfortunately if i tell him how i feel in a very direct manner i dont think i trust him not run and tell them in the nicest way.....

by **siwili** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:41 am

Make them clean the bathrooms

by **christos** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:43 am

They are a close family and if you are going to be with him it is something you have to get used to. It may be in you alls best interest to move out of the neighborhood so that you can have a little more privacy.

by **cinnard** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:45 am

Lol I completely understand! I think unfortunately this is just something you will have to get used to if you plan to stay with him. Unfortunately this is just something most cultures are used to. Most have big families and they come and go as they please because they are family and feel you should respect that and enjoy their company.

My ex fiance's family was the SAME way, in fact they wouldn't even knock on the door they would just walk over. My ex even gave them a key so sometimes they were already there cooking on the BBQ pit when we got there. It was nice sometimes but sometimes it would hurt my feelings when I would be planning a nice romantic evening with him and right in the middle of it he would want to call his brothers over ... made me wonder why my company wasn't enough for him... Anyhow, I just couldn't handle it anymore.. so with that and a few other reasons I ended it.

by **kienan** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:49 am

You need to tell him how you feel about the situation. Also, I am not judging you, just giving some advice...if you know it is like this, and if it doesn't change, you have to know if you will be able to live that way incase you decide to marry...or before you marry him rather.
Most hispanic, puerto rican, mexican families are like this and are always with one another or around one another.

by **augustus** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:04 am

His family are used to a different life style than your used to
But as you both work yes you need time alone
When he called his sister to watch the movie he was out of order
Does she not have a tv of her own ?
Tell him you love and adore his family but during the week is your time
Family, are for weekends when we don't have work

by **wal49** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:12 am

Well you say inlaws /boyfriend think of this you are not married,but think what will happen when you are married you need to put your foot down.Telll them you have somewheres to go.Every night my MIL would have company she would say she is tired they still showed up anyways.It was an inlaw,every night with coffee and desert sometimes dinner.One night she shut the lights and would hide so they thought she was out this worked for a while then it started again.

by **ricard83** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:19 am

Well first off Puerto Rican Families are very clannish. they are extremely close so your at a disadvantage here. He won't live far from mom and dad. He won't. Expect them over alot. If you don't want this you must leave him. Don't try and change him he won't change who he is. He won't leave his family for you to be happy. Trust me. I just got back from PR and I saw this behavior first hand. Men are extremely close to momma. They are spoiled alot of them. The men are very close to their kids. But more than anything I saw how they stick together and really don't like Americans. They resent tourists even though we pay them alot of money through our government and our tourist dollars. They like the money but they don't like us. I saw this for a few weeks and it's true. We went to different areas in PR and it was the same behaivor.

You need to set up some boundaries on the walking in the house bs. Your husband must also respect this and tell him he needs to back it. Not an easy task but you need to do it. You and him must have a united front in this.

For two years you saw this "clannish" behavior and you ignored it. Now your seeing it from different eyes.....married eyes. You have a 9 month old get yourself on some birth control now. Pills are only $9 bucks a month very cheap. Much cheaper than a third child.

Move away and get your husband to see that if you don't....you will leave with the kids. Of course you will need a place to move to with the kids so think about that before you tell him this. He will say to you, 'where you going to go?' so have a place in mind. He must see he will lose you if he doesn't try to put some kind of distance. If he totally refuses then now you know what I was saying about how they stick together. good luck

by **victorio83** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:22 am

You have a unprotected sex with a man after only six months, and had a child with him before you really came to know him, his lifestyle, etc. and now you are surprised by it. I rather feel sorry for your daughter who is caught up in it all. How important are her feelings?

Marriage and similar relationships involve a lot of compromises, sacrifices and flexibility. You are not married, so made no vows to each other, but you still need to respect each other and make the necessary compromises, etc.

You need to work on your negotiations skills. If you want some family time, ask for far more than you expect, and "compromise". Your home is yours as well as his, and he needs to respect that: perhaps you can designate four days a week when they do not visit (and settle on two?). Can you not go and spend some time with your own family occasionally? It would only be fair for him to go as well. You could talk to him about spending equal time with your family as with his - more, even, as your daughter's grandparents may need time with her.

Good Luck!

by **wilbart** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:30 am

Maybe you can ask him what he would think about having one to two nights a week with just you guys and tell his family. I know what you mean, you are going to have to deal with them coming over all the time. My husband's brother is over all the the time, eating all the food, making the house dirty it is so aggravating sometimes but when we do have alone time together it makes it so much better and we appreciate each other more.

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