My mother in law is being absolutely rude to my family, how can I deal with this in an adult yet firm way?

[leland]

My wife's mother always has to have her 2 cents. She always has to voice her opinion, whether it's solicited or not. The other day I dropped my 4 youngest kids off (10, 8, 8, 7) at school and then stopped by her house to pick up a package for my wife.. As soon as I walked in the house she's like "Why do you and your wife have to run a baby mill? Can't you keep your **** in your pants?" ( I do have 8 kids with my wife) At first I didn't respond, I just got the package and began to walk out of the house.. Then she slapped me on my back and I did not respond. I guess that wasn't the reaction she was hoping for because then she was like "Why couldn't my daughter marry a nice white guy & give me beautiful white babies instead of those mini pieces of tar?" I walked out of the house in order to keep my cool because I never hit a woman in my life and I didn't intednt to start then.. I told my wife about it and she was like "Mom probably has her reasons.." and just dismissed it casually.

I am a black male and she has demonstrated an outright dislike for black people since the day I proposed to her daughter. It's not like I'm a deadbeat dad&husband, I take care of all 8 of my children and her daughter. I am a senior accountant at a large firm in D.C. and she's always questioning our reasons for having so many children and my answer is always the same "I love them and I can afford to take care of my family". She's always making stereotypical remarks like "Don't males in your race usually play ball?" or "How do brothers like yourself make it out of the hood?"

I don't understand her for anything in this world.What can I do differently? I've been dealing with her in the most civilized manner possible but she enjoys pressing my buttons. How can I deal with my mother-in-law in an adult way but still letting her know that her behavior is absolutely unacceptable.

[hillocke]

It's your wife's job to handle her family and your job to handle your family. If your wife refuses to do anything, then there isn't much you can do other than avoid your mother in law as much as you can.

I hope when it comes time to put eight children through college you are successful at doing that, otherwise you have let them down.