PLEASE HELP!! She's pregnant and I dont know what to do!!?

by **siwili** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:53 pm

Ok this is a LONG entry but PLEASE read ALL of it if you want to answer. Thanks. Im 26 btw.
So this girl I have been hanging out for several months told me she is PREGNANT!!! Im gonna be a DAD!!!.....I have had SOOO many emotions in the past 48 hours....but it gets REALLY complicated--for one I BARELY EVEN KNOW HER!!---ok so we ARE friends but I dont REALLY know her!! WE HAVENT EVEN DATED!!

Ok so I just graduated from an Ivy League law school about a year(focus: Corporate Law), and I am finishing up an intership in Chicago.....anyways....(I made about $36k last year).
I have a REALLY great future set up for me....I just accepted a position at a firm in New York that is going to pay me a STARTING salary of $120k!!! Anyways...I have worked my *** off all my life and I am so happy to see it finally pay off. I grew up in a very middle-class home (my dad was a construction worker and my mom was a chef at a small restaurant). They sacrificed A LOT to make sure my sister (who is doing her 3rd year of her medical residency) and I had a good education....they somehow managed to pay for both of our undergraduate educations (it WAS NOT cheap). Anyways they don't know about it yet....they wouldnt be too happy......they are VERY STRICT Baptist Christians. Anyways, I do have around a $200k loan (for law school) which i have to pay off.

Ok let me be honest---my situation SUCKS!! I dont have any intention of starting a serious relationship with her....I dont have to just because she's pregnant right??? Im NOT an ****hole though....I sat her down and told her that I would pay ANY child support I am told to....AND I told her that if she needs more due to some unforeseen circumstance....I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay her more. Im also helping her through her pregnancy....I get her whatever she needs and run other errands for her. She's a waitress btw.

The thing is--she wants to MOVE TO NY WITH ME!! I DONT WANT HER TO!!! Im going to be working 80-100 hours/week and 6-7 days/week....its not like Im going to have any time to spend with her or my kid....and I wanna get married someday and have kids the proper way (after marriage).....I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.....I really cant.....I know I sound like Im abandoning my kid BUT IM NOT....I can see him/her during summer vacations....they do arrangements like that I think. And if she came there it would only cause DRAMA considering she proabably get jealous and try to **** me over when I date other women....Im NOT saying she will.....but it would be a VERY AWKWARD situation which she could exploit....

I dont know what to do.......SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY!!!.....she is going to make a SHITLOAD of money over the next 18-20 years through child support.....(she makes about $25k/year as a waitress)....the lawyers' salary at the law firm I joined rises FAST.

3-5 years exp.--avg= $150k-180k
5-10 ' ' = $180k-$300k
10-20 ' ' = anywhere from $300k-$500k
20+ years = $500k-$1 million
Top Lawyers with over 25+ years = can make pretty much anything from $1.5-$3 million.

I talked to a child support attorney who said that I will have to end up paying her around about 25% of my salary AFTER TAXES!!!!!!---THAT MEANS SHE GETS FREE CASH IN HER HAND!!!! SHE IS GOING TO BE MAKING AROUND $20k-25k IN PURE CASH NEXT YEAR!!
And its only going to go up.....there may even be a time where her "child support" may hit 6 figures!! I can only imagine what she's going to use it for!! And now she wants to follow me around to make my life a living hell!! I do not get it......SHE WON!! WHY CANT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! SHE WON!!! In her mind she is thinking that she basically won the lottery!! I KNOW she is!!! She is going to be getting HUGE sums of money during the next 18-20 years......she should be happy and just respect the fact that I never want to see her again!! I SAID I WOULD PAY!!! IM NOT EVEN GONNA FIGHT OVER IT EITHER!! I TOLD HER I WOULD PAY!! WHY WONT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! She makes ME look like a father who abandon's his kid!! WELL IM NOT!! I said i would see him/her in summer!! She'll be fine raising him during the year after all the money she's gonna be sucking outta me!!!

OMG WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!.....That just flowed out.......I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! HELP!!

by **drystan** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:59 pm

Nick S., is it? Well, Nick, first things first, unwind a bit, subsequently, when the child arrives undergo a paternity test. Struggle to not sweat the details until you’re certain this baby belongs to you. Simply have your ducks in a row for when the time draws near. It’s not worth suffering through so much anxiety concerning something that’s unknown. It’s completely acceptable that you don’t want an intimate relationship with the mother especially if you’re not in love with her. If the child is yours a long distant parent/child relationship certainly isn’t out of the question. Don’t feel it’s socially unacceptable as it is no one else’s concern. Just as the mother has made the decision that’s best for her, you need to make the choice that suits your needs. You wouldn’t be judged if society would do their part and remain neutral. You’re asking for ADVISE, NOT OPINIONS! Good luck.

by **mads** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:04 pm

Certainly Nick S., you are most welcome. Good luck with your future endeavors

by **rushford79** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:07 pm

i didn't read this crap. have you had sex with her? are you the only one she's had sex with? i'd get a DNA test when the kid comes. don't automatically tell her that you'll pay support. make sure that baby is yours. she could be seeing dollar signs...

by **bachir93** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:16 pm

COME ON MAN, YOUR GOING TO BE A DAD!!!! Looks to me that you are set up for a good future. Be a man and support your child and the mother of your child. Drop the freakin lawyers and do the right thing.

by **gerard** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:21 pm

she let herself get pregnant with your child to get her hands on your future $$
its called control
she took the short cut to her fortune--cars, etc.

you idiot

by **roche** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:22 pm

The only thing that I read was I... I.... I... me... my... and a lot of capital letters. If you dont want children USE PROTECTION.

What can you do? Sit down and talk with her. Say that you do not want this to be a serious relationship, that you want to think about your career and you are not ready to have children or support someone with your child. Discuss whether she would like to adopt the child out, to keep him/her or to abort the baby.

by **cumhea** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:42 pm

I am sorry, but it just seems like you are letting your money control your life, because you brought up how much you make many times in that question. Money isn't the answer. You were the one who had unprotected sex with her, you need to deal with the concequences. You shouldn't be freaking out because you have to give her money so she can raise your child by herself. Giving her money is the least you can do

by **eddis** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:48 pm

dude, first of all, you're a dick.

second of all, do not abandon your child and its mother so you can see them "over the summer".

third, you sound like a stereotypical lawyer with all the money talk. you may have to pay money, but she has to RAISE YOUR ******* CHILD

screw your head on straight jackass and take responsibility, apparently your $500k education didn't teach you anything

by **zacchaeus21** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:57 pm

Firstly, no, you don't have to date someone or have a relationship just because they are having your child. In fact, I think thats the worst reason to be with someone!

Yes, you will have to pay child support and it will probably be a lot, but it's your child. I'm from Australia so our system is different, but you may be able to work out a private arrangement with her when it comes to the money side of things

This is YOUR child too, you may not be ready for him/her, but it looks like it's going to happen.
To be honest, I don't think you can ever been 100% ready for children. I wasn't!

You should try and sit down and talk with her about the options you both have. Not sure if its possible for you to do that though.

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