Problem with my husband's ex and child?

by **aingeni** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:25 am

My husband and I have been together for a very long time. His daughter is 7. The mother just does not like me, and is always trying to create problems. They are going through family law mediation, but he is about to take her back to court for non compliance.
All I have ever honestly done bad that I can think of, is that when the little girl approached me, she was asking questions about us during a visitation. what she knows about us, and what she has been told by her mother are two very different versions. She was telling me how she thought my husband (her real father) is her stepdad.
I very gently told her, "no, he is your real father, and I am your stepmother". "our child is your sibling". I have reason to believe that the mother sets the child up with a voice recorder or something because she keeps coming up with these wild stories, like the child said that I am telling her that I am her mom. which is completely untrue. I think she just took what I really said out of context on purpose just to create chaos.I actually try to stay out of it, and be polite, even when the mother hurts my feelings. I have already apologized to her, even though I have done nothing to her. I feel like she is jealous of me, in spite of her new marriage to another man, and her baring a son for him. I just want to know froma legal standpoint, what are her chances of making it so that when my husband gets visitation time with her, that I am left completely out. Can she keep me away even though all she has are false alligations? What kind of things do these women do in family law courts in california? and what can they get away with? Thank you for your thoughts and opinions!

by **aingeni** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:32 am

going to court will not change anything. her father, your husband, has the right to move on with his life and get married and start another family! unless protective service has been involved for VIOLENT ACTS on the part of you or your husband, NOTHING WILL CHANGE! i'm feeling a little bitter about step-children right now myself... i just want you to know that NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, NO MATTER HOW MANY NICE THINGS YOU DO, NO MATTER HOW HARD you try to blend your family together and try to treat his daughter and your child as equals IT WILL NEVER be an ideal situation! I raised my step-children when their mother just walked away... i let them be involved in EVERY sport they desired (because they always wanted to do certain things but their mother never had the time to let them join)... i had a FANTASTIC relationship with these kids and raised them trough their teen years and INTO COLLEGE... but NOW, their mother has decided to get involved with them AFTER MANY, MANY YEARS and you know what? now these same LOVING children TORTURE me because it makes their mother happier! i NEVER tried to be their mother but i WAS their constant parent... the one they laughed and cried with... and now i'm treated like something you'd scrap off the sole of your shoe!!! I wish someone had told me to NEVER grow attached to them and i wish someone had told me NOT to treat them as equals with my children... i've short changed my own children for WHAT??? i never wanted to be a wicked step-mom SO I GAVE, AND GAVE... don't get to close to the child! treat her well when she's with you but pretend SHE'S JUST A VISITOR... if you get to close she will end up breaking your heart and being a HUGE road block between you and your husband! be a family with your child and husband... don't let things get to complicated... I TRULY WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND FEEL FOR YOU AND YOUR STRUGGLE(S)!

by **caelin** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:39 am

First of all, STOP APOLOGIZING to this woman!! If you know you have done nothing wrong, stop trying to appease her with the apologies. Let her ***** all she wants to. It's apparent that the child is not rigged with a recording device because it would be crystal clear you didn't say what she is accusing you of saying. She might be jealous of you if she still carries a torch for her ex. Unless you have abused her child in some manner, she can not keep you away from the child during visitation.

by **roche** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:44 am

THe ex might not be jealous she could just be a drama queen. If I were you I would stay out of there issues. When the child ask you question tell her to ask her dad. This could get messy. It's sad that people involve the kids but they do. She probably won't be able to lessen the vistation because the child wasn't harm but she could scream child alienation but sometimes that hard to prove without getting a child psychologist involved. I would also suggest getting the child in counseling and letting that counselor testify if it goes to court.

by **hjortur** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:50 am

If the mother pushes it she can make it so even he doesn't have any visitation rights, and I doubt very much it's jealousy of you. I am in a similar boat and it was the woman's audacity that angered me into disliking her. So for contacting me without ever even having spoken to me, I wrote my ex who had been trying to get me back for the last 3 years, that his woman did it and now he's gonna pay for it. he shall lose all custodial rights all together and I shall pull ALL of the punches and I will do what I feel is best for my child, if that means her not seeing his new woman then so be it, if it means her not seeing him after all of the damage he has put her through, then so be it. I'm in a mother state, the grandmother even has more rights to get my daughter than her own father does. so if you plan to fight the biological mother you better have a damn good lawyer proving she's incompetent or abusive.
I got my information all from my lawyers, these are not guesses!

by **roche** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:54 am

time for dad to set up and do his part to explain to his daughter that he is her dad and what mom is playing is a game. dad needs to spend time with his daughter and answer the questions at hand and explain to her that mom is not always saying very nice things about his wife and her step mom. all you want is to be her friend not her mom. then he needs to follow through in court and prove her games are causing harm to his daughter and fight for legal custody of her if he has too.

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