Law-Forums.org

[denys]

My future in-laws were supposed to visit us next weekend, in part to celebrate MIL's birthday and in part to see our wedding venue and start looking at places for them to host the rehearsal dinner. Last week they cancelled their trip and invited themselves to my graduation in June (which was fine, I was planning to invite them) saying we could just do all the things we planned that weekend.

I emailed MIL back telling her that my graduation weekend would not be best to do wedding related stuff for either my fiance or I (he gave his blessing I speak for both of us) but they are welcome to celebrate my graduation with us and I would keep them posted on the plans.

I realize now that I may have spoken out of turn and may have comitted myself to having them tagging along all weekend. I don't mind them coming to dinner with us after the ceremony, but I was hoping to get some time with my friends, with my fiance joining, and just do young people stuff, perhaps going to a party or hosting a little get together. I don't mean to exclude them, but I am not really a "more the merrier" type. I like small, intimate gatherings and stress free things. I feel bad because they live 6 hours away. At the same time, it's their choice not to come if they want more time with my fiance and I. I feel that a compromise may end up being that I go off and do my own thing and he stays to entertain his parents. Still, I don't think that's fair. I think it comes down to boundaries. What is a polite way to correct a possible misunderstanding that they are invited to all my graduation weekend festivities? Can I say, "you are welcome to join us for dinner saturday night" and then tell them we have plans on Sunday. I have already planted the seed that I am trying to organize a get together with some other grads for the day after the ceremony. They are helping pay for our wedding, so I don't want to hurt their feelings. At the same time, it's my graduation, and these are HIS parents! What about me getting time with my own family and friends to celebrate my accomplishment? Is this what marriage is like, no more boundaries?

Help!

[bean]

I think it's best if you say that they are welcome for the saturday night dinner. it gives them a true understanding of that, and it really depends on what the individual in-laws are like when it comes to boundaries, the pushy ones usually like to include themselves in everything, others like that usually don't realise that they do this so they usually mean well and then there's other that just want to be included for important things