What do you do when your adult Children break your heart?

[nemausus36]

Intro: ~~> We will call the youngest daughter SZ.

SZ is highly involved in criminal activities include theft, grand theft auto and a lot more, drugs, alcohol are both involved, lie after lie, she could very easily win a "Best Actress" award, ~ She has NINE children that she has pretty much abandoned for a new boyfriend. (She is still married, she put her husband in jail under false accusations, he is now out of jail from her false accusations and all of the charges but 2 have been dropped, he is still fighting the other 2 charges dropped and goes to court next month for those)

2 of their 9 children are in the US (SZ sneaked them across the U.S. boarder) and the other 7 are now in foster care in the other Country. SZ did not show up for a court date this month like she was told to do and so now she has possibly lost all rights to the 7 children.

SZ is an American citizen,and 2 or 3 of the children are American. ~ SZ's husband and most of the other children are of the other Country.. ~ SZ's husband is Cristian, SZ has turned Pagan/Wiccan as she has her oldest daughter (age 15) addicted to prescription drugs, cigarette's, theft, lies and sex. ~ The oldest daughter also has 17 different adult persona's online and her Mother thinks it is funny... They are the best of friends and do almost everything together.

There is so much more to this story, SZ has done a lot of wrong things to my husband, her sister and I also. She has stolen from us, lied over and over to us,. At one point in time my husband and our oldest daughter were watching the 2 children that SZ has here in the U.S. for her ~ While she stayed in the other Country for almost 5 months, and then in March of 2011 she came to the U.S. to live with her new boyfriend. ~ Then one day, shortly after she came to the U.S. she called the police on our oldest daughter for yelling at her 15 year old and had the police take the 2 children away and given to her new boy-friends Mother.

None of her 9 children live with her at all.

She is now telling everyone that she absolutely hates me (her Mother) and that everything that has ever gone wrong in her life is all my fault and that if I had just died back in the late 1980's in a major auto accident that I was in (A drunk driver hit my car & I almost died and am still partially paralyzed on my left side) Anyway, SZ said that she could have married her step Father and had him all to herself like she has always wanted. She even literally told her Step Father "I know this sounds really sick Daddy, but I always wished Mom had died in that car wreck, so I could have married you."

Eeeek!!

My husband and I have now been talking to our son in law who wants to give my husband and I custody of the children until SZ can get ALL of the help she needs and can prove that she is stable and can gve all of the children a stable life. They have NEVER had a stable life and if you have ever seen the Movie called: "Lord of the flies" the children have always raised each other. ~ Period.

Those children need more than anything in the world, someone, to show them that they AREloved and that someone DOES care about them. We might not ever be able to give 9 children everything they WANT in life, but we can always show them Love and that we DO care!!

Everyone who knows us, our entire family, has said that SZ is extremely mentally ill and nothing anyone can do will ever help her and they tell us that we should "SHUN" her and stop trying over and over again to help her. Every time we try to help her in any way we end up getting hurt extremely badly. She did it again just this week. She showed up at our door with no heads up and just walked in like nothing had ever happened bad. She talked about how everything that had happened was our oldest daughters fault and how sorry she was for hurting us in any way. She then asked me to take her shopping and we'd go to lunch. We had a wonderful visit.

That was on Wednesday, I have heard absolutely not one word from her since and the ONLY thing I have heard is from her husband whom she has a "No contact order" on said that SZ contacted him in an email and threatened him that he had better NEVER give my husband and I any type of custody of their children!!

My God, does she want then in Foster care forever, does she want them adopted out where she can never see them again unless they become adults and come looking for her?? We can not "to save our lives" figure out WHY she hates us so very much!!??

Shutting up before I end up writing a book here... Which I could easily do if I really sat down and thought about the 34 years of SZ's life. ~ Thanx so very much to anyone for your thoughts and prayers about all of this. ~ Take Care & God Bless!! ;)

[calvert]

Wicca is a nature revering religion based on the belief in a nurturing Mother Goddess. It is not about magic, although some people get confused and think that Wicca is witchcraft.

It sounds like your daughter is very mentally ill. Have you tried to have her committed? Either you or her husband would have the right to do so if you feel she is a danger to herself and others. From what you have said about her, she probably should have been committed long ago.

If you don't want to have her committed, then you should probably at least get a restraining order against her. She sounds like she might be capable of harming you...especially since she says she wishes you were dead. That is just scary!!

[jomei69]

Truly sad.

I am Wiccan and my religion's core tenet is to learn to take personal responsibility for yourself and your actions. We're supposed to hold ourselves to certain moral standards like finding a healthy balance in life and not doing unnecessary harm to ourselves or others, and hold ourselves accountable for what we do.

She has really missed the point of Wicca. It's too bad... my faith really helped me straighten out my life 20 years ago and has helped me so much. Of course, any faith-- Christian, Jewish, Pagan, etc-- with good morals and values can be such an asset, but not in the mind of someone who isn't grasping the meaning of it or living it.


Honestly I have never even remotely had any trouble with my kids like that... a little teen rebellion, breaking the occasional curfew, not finishing homework or blowing off chores, etc... but that's about the extent of my problems; I've taught "at-risk" kids in public schools though and I know how challenging and draining it can be.


The kind of things you mentioned would really break my heart... but I understand it would be impossible to give up on a child. Have you considered the possibility of having her committed? For her own good? By court order if necessary? Because I think if someone I loved began to screw up like that, I'd have sat on them if I had to if it would keep them from doing more harm.


Right now I think you need to do what is best for the children, though, fight in court or whatever need be done to get them in stable homes. They can still be saved from this kind of self-destructive lifestyle.

It does not sound like you are ever going to figure out why she feels what she feels or does what she does-- this thinking is beyond rational evaluation. You may never be able to help her if she's not willing to accept that help.


You're in my prayers; I wish your family and all those little ones blessings and peace.

[geol19]

This girl does need therapy, obviously. Remember the old saying that "you can't change a person that doesn't want to change herself"? It is hard to remove yourself from this person't life because you are her mother, however, I think that since she has had such a LONG history of problems, it is doubtful she will change. Her children would be better off in a home that provides stability and since there are so many children, I think adoption would probably be the best. There are all types of adoptions and you can have written in that you get to visit the children.
Quit taking on this young woman's problems. Until she gets help, nothing she does will make sense, including all the mean things she does to you. There are many support groups for families who have a troubled family member and they are quite comforting. You can share coping mechanisms and friendship.

[emmanuil54]

This girl does need therapy, obviously. Remember the old saying that "you can't change a person that doesn't want to change herself"? It is hard to remove yourself from this person't life because you are her mother, however, I think that since she has had such a LONG history of problems, it is doubtful she will change. Her children would be better off in a home that provides stability and since there are so many children, I think adoption would probably be the best. There are all types of adoptions and you can have written in that you get to visit the children.
Quit taking on this young woman's problems. Until she gets help, nothing she does will make sense, including all the mean things she does to you. There are many support groups for families who have a troubled family member and they are quite comforting. You can share coping mechanisms and friendship.

Your daughter needs help. Forget the horrible things she is saying about you. Get those children and show them structure and love. Children crave structure in a home environment. Get SZ to someone before she destroys her life and can never repair it again. I am 22. When I was 16 I was a terror. A nightmare. My mother set me up with a case manager and a counselor. I hit rock bottom in my life at a young age. My mother got me into therapy and then let me have space enough to take some responsibility. I am now living in my own place. My mother passed away of cancer 3 years ago. I thank her everyday for intervening in my life and forcing me to get some help.