What do you think of my first chapter of my new series I am working on?

[dacy17]

Chapter One
I'm a werewolf so are my family and friends. My name is Crystal Ella Glass. My mom's name was Alice Glass. I live in Alaska with real wolves, my kind.
I was having some raw caribou with my friend Isabella.
My mother walked in and she asked "How was school?"
I thought for a bit and said "I was fine."
My mother had a mean look on her face she said "Oh really Crystal Ella Glass, because your Principal, called and said you haven't been at school for two weeks!"
I thought to myself and now they notice!
I answered my mother’s question in a duh tone "Well I take my backpack every day but instead of going to school me and my friend, Isabel, go to hunt in wolf form! We stay in the woods for a bit and eat up. That's why for two weeks at school we've had cherry Kool-Aid!"
My mom said in a harsh tone "I've had it with you missy!”
I cut her off and said "But Mom!"
She cut me off and said “Go to your room no meat for 2 weeks!"
I told her "I hate you! I wish you were never my mom! You know what I should call you now? Hater! That's all you are!"
Let me tell you something when teen werewolves get mad it is trouble. They don’t have as much self-control as a full-grown werewolf .It is very bad when a female one gets upset, just like a Mama Bear!
I looked around the house and made sure no mortal is standing around. Then I turned into a red wolf. I am surprisingly bigger than my mom. She is so short in mortal form and wolf form!
Isabella quickly turned into wolf form and pulled me back. In wolf language she had said in growls “She is your mother. It is against pack law to hurt your own pack.”
I grunted then turned back into human form. I went upstairs to my room. I had a mini-fridge that my mom had forgotten all about and I always stashed some raw elk or caribou in it. I pulled it out of my walk- in- closet and sat it on the ground and started to eat up.
Suddenly I heard the doorbell ring. I put up my meat and went down stairs. I could smell it. It was a female… werewolf.
I opened the door and to my surprise it was...

[thom]

what the actual **** were u on when u wrote this....?

[iker]

sorry, the werewolf stories are WAY over told now. Also, it is very unoriginal and a lot of extra exclamation marks where not needed. A lot of bonus things that don't make sense. Maybe get a new idea and try again?
EDIT:thanks fro changing your answer on my question to something mean because yours is bad. I saw it before and you said it was amazing. Good to know your controlled by jealously!

[burt]

Hmm, to be honest, it isn't the best. It.. needs a little work. The whole vampires and werewolves thing is really overused. I suggest that you find a more original idea :)

[benon]

AMazing E-mail me more.
[email protected]

[forde]

Topic: Unoriginal
Grammar? Needs work
Opening sentence: Boring, you give to much away and do not grab my attention
Notes: I feel like this was suppose to be in third person but you mixed it with first.. this needs proofread and redone either third or first person not both,
Ending: predictable- needs work.