Why does my mother in law tattle on me to my hubby, and how can I keep it from ruining our lives?

[hrafn]

Hi! I was just currious if any one has any experience with this annoyance. My mother in law is a very nosy, gossipy person and often tells only half true or untrue stories. I am her favorite person to gossip about to all the family and friends that we have in common. At one point it got cps at our door because she told someone at the church that I don't change or feed my children. And also that I'm a chronic hoarder who is never home. That made me very hurt and concerned. But the thing she does most that is causing the most strife in our house is tattle telling on me to my husband and it is causing fights. She steals our mail to show to him to make it look like i'm sneaky, and texts him about things I do during the day. Example: "Paul, did you know Sarah's taking a nap?" or "Paul, did you know that Sarah went to a dr.'s appointment this morning?" Sorry this is so long, I just need some perspective, amd advice. She is ruining my life and my marriage. I think she enjoys making people miserable. or, she hates me... she currently lives with us ( due to economic issues) My hubby has talked to her about it numerous times, but it occured to me a few weeks ago that there should be a way that we can work together to avoid the chaos. I just want to know a variety of meathods that we could use to make our lives run more smoothly. Any advice would be greay. We can't change her but we can change us.

[bardoul]

how does your husband feel about all this. Is there any way you can make her a room with a separate entrance. Sorry but I could not live like that.

ADDED: I am not sure if she is living with you to help her out financially or to help you out financially. But if it is the second, it still doesn't excuse what she is doing. But if it is the first you could try writing up a list of rules - ones that most people wouldn't need in writing, but she obviously does. Such as not talking to people about your children or your home other than "everythign is fine" types of things. No tattling etc. Then have your husband warn her that she has to abide by the rules or she is out. I know it sounds harsh, but someone who is "normal" wouldn't do those things to begin with so a normal solution won't work.

[croslea]

You need to have a face to face confrontation with her and SPELL it out to her that her negative and harmful behaviour HAS TO STOP !
Dont mince your words just tell her !!
Your husband seems to be on your side so get him to tell her again and make it clear she must stop this.

[karlitis]

here is what you say to her the minute she starts to spew. EVERY BODY WHO LISTENS TO HER DIRT FEEDS HER DISEASE. INTERUPT HER AND QUOTE THE BIBLE, and post these bible verses in every room she is in and point at them.






Leviticus 19:16
Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the LORD.


Proverbs 11:13
A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.


The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Proverbs 18:7-9


Proverbs 20:19
He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.


Proverbs 26:20
Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

Proverbs 26:22
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

One other technique works and every body should try to use it to deal with her.

listen carefully to all the dirt on every body she knows then say "what about that one guy what do you got on him? " she won't be able to undersatnd sho it is but she won't be abloe to let it go, keep asking about that one guy, and finally when she is ready to hear a name say " me" then she will denie talking about you and just laugh in her face. the other thing is to record her talkkng all this trash as much as you can and the when you have hours of it play it back to the victim of the back stabbing. It always amazes me the way people eat gossip up and never ever even guess that the guy that just gave them an ear full about tom is filling toms ear next about them.