Would it be easier to get a restraining order against my mother in new york or new jersey?

[lamarr3]

I have residency in NY and NJ, limited evidence, not nearly enough money for legal assistance (money will not be an issue for her), and need a restraining order against the relative people are quickest to assume I am in the wrong for cutting off.

I know this sounds horrible, because it's my mother and asking which state is easier makes it sound like my reasons for needing a restraining order may be questionable. The unconditional love I inherently had was physically and emotionally beaten out of me while I was a minor and I tried to cut off ties with her literally as soon as I was 18 and got out of the house. She has continued for the last 3 years to pursue a relationship with me using malicious violating tactics(pretty sure she has a personality disorder) despite having been told countless times I do not want her contacting me. I know she was abusive and currently is harassing as defined by the law and if I saved all the evidence this would be a piece of cake. I didn't consider seeking protection of the law until recently, because I never think to reach out to authority for help (she knew enough to usually avoid highly visible damage and no one else in the family ever defended or comforted me. If anything I've felt embarrassed by my home life and have always tried to hide things) and even if she is kind of evil it's uncomfortable pursuing legal action against your own mother. In the past 3 years I've been trying to deal with these personal issues personally and kept impulsively ridding myself of upsetting reminders of this upsetting individual and only now realize that's the opposite of what I needed to do. I wish there was some other way to get around this, but there isn't and I have debilitating trauma issues that I'd really like to work on instead of allowing to perpetually worsen.

Also, my father has maintained a relationship with her by inexplicably allowing and actually sometimes assisting her in anything she does to me and my only sibling was never treated remotely how I was and instead has alarmingly taken after my mother. The most I hope for from them is unknowingly assisting me in gathering evidence and not doing the worst thing possible when my mother possibly demands their support (pretty sure that won't happen, but I've been shocked before).


The differences in the NY and NJ legal system may be minimal, but I really need to play my cards right... At least I think I do. My case and evidence might be stronger than I think and I just don't have that healthy support network which prevents these kinds of situations from happening in the first place.


This might be more a separate question, but are there any resources in either state that could somehow help me out?

[gowan]

It not easier or more difficult in either state. File a few complaints against her a your local police precinct. Try to catch her in an abusive or illegal act against you. Things of that nature will be valuable evidence for you to use to obtain a restraining order. Good Luck.

[syvwkh]

Hi-
I don't have an answer for you but I am in the process of doing the same thing. I had to get a restraining order against my mother a few years ago and now she has found me again so it looks like I am going to have to go through the process in another state. She has borderline personality disorder and rages.

Like you I have no love for her. She beat and abused it all out of me. I just want her to leave me alone.

Anyway, I hope you find the answers you need and know you are not alone. Just because someone can give birth doesn't mean the deserve the title of "mother."

Take care of yourself.