Would you read this story? ?

[langford59]

This barely scratches the surface of what my story is but it's all I can fit. :( Anyway would you read this story?(based on what I have done so far)


"All I remember is walking through that weirdo glowing door thing right there!?" A young red haired girl said to the woman in the white suit. She had just stumbled upon an odd and quite scary place. She walked into an empty room out  of some glowing door and was met by a smiling brunette in an all white suit. She greeted her and said it would all be fine. The woman gestured the young girl to sit down at a table and asked her just exactly what she last remembered. When the girl replied with an angry tone she was confused but glad that she didn't remember anything, as usual.

 However this was no ordinary girl. This was Avery Sue Jones and she was not easily fooled. She slowly began to remember things of her past. Like her abusive mother and her father who never noticed. Her younger brother sent to a regal boarding school in Europe. She remembered her drug addicted friends and her amazing school. But she didn't mention this knowing that it wouldn't go over to well with miss smiles over here. Avery just pulled her best stupid act she could and hoped for the best. "Alright dear let me explain things to you" the woman began. "It's about fluffin time"  Avery thought. The woman continued, "You are in the after life. You sadly died at a very young age and it's not often that kids your age pass." 

Oddly, not phased at all by the fact that she found out she was dead. Avery just stayed emotionless."What does age matter here?" she questioned. This upset the woman.

"Its because sometimes it's hard to work with someone less... mature." She stumbled trying to think of the right word. 

"I think death would give everyone the same level of maturity don't you?" 

The woman was getting quite upset of this girls attitude.

Rate 1-5 please. And btw. "Fluff" is in there manley for comedy purposes. Its not just a substitute for Yahoo

[torran]

To me the first paragraph was a little confusing but the story sounds interesting and i would like to read on :) I would give it a 3.5