30th Birthday Party - Not so Great?

by **garbhach65** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:48 pm

My husband and I have been together for 6 years - for most of them a big to do has been done for his birthday - surprise parties, a big family trip to our cabin, or a fun game night. Other members of my family we've also done their birthdays rather big and it's always been a lot of fun. My birthday on the other hand is always a nice dinner cooked by Mom. Nice, yes. But I love my birthday and when I 29 I started telling everyone they had a year to put something big together. When I thought we were dropping the kids off at my parents so my husband and I could head out for a nice dinner, I walked into my surprise party. I was thrilled that some thought and effort went into it. That's where my happiness ended. Shortly after dinner and cake I put on a movie for the kids to watch so the grown ups could socialize. But before long, my husband and sister in law who share the same political views started having a big discussion and wound up "lecturing" people. One by one the grown ups faded into the living room and that was the party. Sitting watching Wizard of Oz. I was home by 9:30. I know their intentions were good, but I can't help but feeling cheated. I did not have a great time, and now I'm left feeling annoyed over the whole thing. I'm trying to get over it, because again, an attempt was made. I'm afraid though if I don't say something it's going to eat and eat at me and eventually I'll just explode about it. Thoughts?

by **emmanuil54** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:50 pm

Pumpkin.....how will your ever get over this massive ordeal? I'd divorce him and take everything! It's is not like it was your 27th birthday...it was your 30th! Take him to the cleaners. Take everything and leave nothing. Make sure he is homeless by the time you are done with him. This is not acceptable at all!!!! Can you believe that he talked about politics at YOUR party!? OH MY GOD. Your husband is a disgrace and should be arrested! Poor pumpkin!

by **macquaid35** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:54 pm

Communication is one of the most important things in a marriage. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. You are allowed I have your own feelings.

by **maddox** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:57 pm

even my children when they hit 12 y.o stopped asking for birthday parties. what re u, 12? grow up. and your husband does not know what good manners are. maybe it is wise for u to visit the etiquette section on here and ask a question whether it is permitted to discuss political views during socializing with people time. i know the answer, does your husband?

by **jung-hwa75** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:08 pm

You weren't cheated...you were highly disrepected!!!

You asked for something, anything pleasant with a touch of special.

Your sister-in-law is an inconsiderate shithead! Stay away from her!!!

Your husband disrespected YOU, by having a big discussion and "lecturing" people. One by one the grown ups faded into the living room and that was the party. You didn't count! If it were at his party, he'd throw a fit. In fact. his events are all-out vacations. You get dog food from him!!!

You two need marriage counseling NOW. He has little regards for you, is all caught up in his own agenda, his own ego driven agenda, and expects you to be mommy, shop. cook, cleaner and sex machine. He is a disrespectful husband, in essence. I suspect you have other stories...You tell husband today you two are going into marriage counseling. ASAP because the marriage is failing. Sex is over for him and he is not to sleep with you in the bedroom...If he wants to know why, tell him he will find out in counseling. I have the feeling he takes you for granted in many areas and doesn't know what mature love and partnership, never mind friendship is.

If he refuses to go to couples counseling ASAP, NOW, when he is at work tomorrow, I'd give him a good lesson:

When he is at work, take his gold and silver (which are at all time high to sell), all the cash you can, other valuables, your stuff, kids and their stuff if any kids, your cell phone and charger, your laptop, and leave. Do not give him any idea you are leaving. If there are two cars and he leaves you with one, take it. Move where he'd not expect you to live. Have mail fore warded to a PO box where you could ask someone to get it for you. Change cell number the moment he leaves for work. Block his e-mails to you on regular email, facebook, twitter, etc. tell no one except a person who'd prose to keep this all silent. From there, you will seek a divorce lawyer. You have grounds of emotional abuse.

He does not love really you. He has no use for you other than a servant. That does not mean you aren't a good lovable person. He has undiagnosed problems, worse than his sister..ignoring you day on your big birthday so his agenda could be met is spousal mental abuse. etc.

Do not tell him any of this for you own sake. BTW: Is the car in your name? If so, Of the title is in your name, please take it, change all licks etc. IT IS legally yours. If he is the one who take it to work, but you have extra keys, by all means, get it when he is at work on the QT....

Before you leave, take good pictures of every room, closet, etc where you live. Make sure you show all property, including some valuables of his in draws. If he claims you tow had nothing, a judge will see HIM a liar if you produce pictures. Also photograph the car.

For your sake, leave NOW if he refuses couples counseling with a p[sychologust expert in this. Do not go to a church religious counselor.

by **kirklin** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:13 pm

No, I totally get it. It's not even the birthday party. It might have been a wedding reception where a couple had a big verbal blow-up that made everyone uncomfortable. It might have been the baby shower where your SIL announces she's pregnant, or the Christmas get-together that ends by the bad behavior of the drunk uncle. The point is that this was something in your honor and your husband and SIL disrespected everyone by discussing inflammatory politics. That's childish, irresponsible and disrespectful on their parts. They did take something from you and the other guests.

I would be gracious to anyone who contributed and attended. But in private I would definitely tell your husband and SIL they owe you an apology. I'm sure you've thrown wonderful events on their behalf, they owed you the courtesy of seeing that you and your guests had a good time.

by **darrick34** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:25 pm

You know, I think the fact that they made an effort to surprise you after you "started telling everyone they had a year to put something big together" should be more than enough effort on your behalf.

You've been begging for attention for a freaking year?
You got your surprise party and were surprised.
That it did not live up to your expectations of birthday worship is your problem.
The lack of graciousness on your part will sour any remaining effort from them for the future.

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