Am I obliged to help my sister-in-law with her bridal shower ?

[choviohoya]

My sister-in-law is getting married next year. She has asked me to help her with some things with her bridal shower. I am not the one throwing her this shower but she is seeking my help. The twist in the story is that for last three years, she has been a horrible person to me. She holds some grudge against me (which I still don't know what) and ignored me on all family functions. Once she told me I suck and I should not be surprised if people hate me. She even came to my house and did not talk to me. Truly mean and selfish.

Fast forward to now where she has a "good" life and all the things going for her so she no longer hates me (or atleast pretends infront of her fiance). I have a newborn and I am really not in a position to run around and do "shower" things for her. I am super busy with my baby. I mean, if I reeeeeeeeally wanted, I probably could bend backwards and do this for someone else but my heart just doesn't want to do anything for her ........ How do I get out of this politely ?? In reality, I want to tell her to take a hike but I am a "reasonable" person who chooses to be civil in such relations for the sake of the family peace. Please help !!!

[nemausus36]

tell her to take a hike

[westbroc90]

Well I know that at least in America it is customary for the made of honor to be in charge of all the planning for the shower. I think that honesty is really the best policy, let her know that you would love to be a part of her marriage but that you being a new mom has been more of a challenge than anyone could have prepared you for. Tell her that you would be happy to give your opinions about colors or venues that she is looking at but, that you have a bigger priority right now. Sign off by telling her that you hope she isnt upset about it and that if you could commit more time you would in a heart beat but, you dont think you could plan the shower that she really deserves with a newborn.