Boyfriend Moving Away - Mature Perspectives only!?

by **cinnard** » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:22 am

My boyfriend of one year has decided to move away and start a new life a few hours away. He says he's not happy with where he is in life and that he needs a fresh start. He wants to quit his job and move in with his brother three hours away. I on the other hand own property, am established have a good career where I am allowed to do a lot of innovative and creative projects. I also will be finishing graduate school in another year. We both really love each other, we have recently introduced each other to our parents. This is a serious relationship.

I'm scared to leave everything I worked so hard for and to leave my friends and family behind. And the uncertainty of moving to a new state and having to find a new job in this economy scares me even more. We have discussed out future together and we both know that we can see ourselves being with each other but we aren't quite ready for marriage. I am 27 he is 30. I've gotten a lot of mixed reviews my father doesn't agree with it at all and told me that he isn't just leaving this area but my BF is also leaving me. My friends on the other hand have successfully maintained long distance relationships some of which have ended in engagement and marriage. He wants me to visit when he's established.

I kind of feel like by writing this I am helping myself get over the sadness, and shock of his decision. I am realizing after looking at some of the job openings things may not be so bad after all. I have mixed feelings about walking away from a job that pays almost $100K and has a lot of job security and I'm really good at it. I do want better hours and less responsibility because my job is way too stressful sometimes.

I also had a sit down with my father and I told him that I am in no rush to be director or superintendent and that having a family and settling down is more important to me than having a title. Unlike some of my peers, I am not hyper ambitious. He of course loves having bragging rights among his friends and colleagues. This of course doesn't matter too much but I just want him to be proud of me.

-Restless

by **bergh39** » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:26 am

I recently did the same thing as your boyfriend. My boyfriend and i have been together for over 4 years, and i decided i just couldnt stand where i was anymore. He's in school and wont graduate for another 2 semesters so i went alone. Now, i am completely miserable here, and alone without my friends OR my significant other. We have now made plans to move in together when he finishes classes and i save enough. Its difficult and i regret my decision to leave. Maybe your boyfriend will too.

by **honi** » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:42 am

As I was reading your post, I was thinking: he's leaving the area and leaving you. And then you said, your father said this.

So I agree with him 100%. I would take Dad's advice on this one!

Also, you have your act together where you live. Job, property, family and friends (support system), graduate school. I think it would be foolish to follow someone that doesn't have it together.

So I think staying where you are is best.

And I would really think hard about settling down with this guy. This whole leaving business would be RED FLAGS for me!!! Makes me think that when life gets tough, he runs away.

by **aethelbert35** » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:50 am

I have no idea how much care or love is in your current relationship, but it sounds like he is leaving everything behind including the relationship. I would think that if he wanted to stay with you then he wouldn't need a fresh start somewhere else. People can easily start over without moving far away. If he is committed then he should be the one coming to see you because he changed the dynamics of the relationship. If not then don't worry about it, we need to enjoy all the time we have here and learn from the people that we meet. Stay true to yourself and don't cling to this relationship if he starts to fade.

by **hackett** » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:58 am

DONT MOVE AWAY! keep your job, a few hours shouldnt be a deciding factor in wether or not you stay together long term. if he is leaving you and you stay where you are, you will find out soon enough. if you stay where you are and he is being honest and just wanting a new start, it could be the best solution for both of you. anyway, i'd stay stay where you are and continue a relationship until things change, or until you decide you want to change things

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