Do you agree with my wife that I'm the 'bad guy' for firing one of my employees because he used to date her?

by **gall** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:01 pm

I am 42, been happily married for 18 years and have two amazing kids. I am fortunate enough to own my own company as well as the building that my offices are in. A few weeks back I hired a gentleman about my same age, overly qualified for the position who I liked immediately whereas he had the same background as me..married many years, kids, some same interests etc. Needless to say I hired him on the spot.
My wife also works for herself and seeing as I have a few empty offices I let her use one as he base of operations. Imagine my surprise when she came in and knew this guy I had just hired. Later she told me that he was someone she had dated for a year in college, a few years before he met me. I obviously knew this guy existed (we all have pasts) but I had not put two-and-two together when I hired him. I do know that he was my wife's 'first' and the first serious boyfriend she ever had. My wife and I are always open and honest about everything so she wanted me to know who 'he' as before it came out in a casual conversation and I felt awkward or was surprised. I appreciated that immensely.
However, the more I thought about it I began to think that although we both had relationships before we met, the past is the past and I didn't want any guy working on a daily basis in an office with my wife who had known her 'sexually'. It just didn't seem like a good dynamic.
In our state all new employees can be let go within the first 30 days, under a probationary period provision, that does not require me to give any reason. I can simply tell them 'they aren't a good fit' or 'aren't coming along as well as expected' etc. After consulting my attorney and my state labor division and realizing I would break no laws by doing so, I let him go.
My wife was upset because she thought it was an underhanded thing to do. She felt that in this economy that firing anyone with a family from a very well-paying job with benefits was wrong. especially since his only 'fault' was dating her 23 years ago. She also felt that it was a statement by me showing I didn't trust her, which she felt insulting.
I trust her implicitly, but I don't want someone on My payroll that I know has seen my wife naked and had sex with her. Nor do I want him in the offices around her everyday. It just seems 'wrong' to me. She tells me I should call him back, apologize and give him back his job if he still wants it after explaining to him that I was wrong and hasty. I say "No way in hell!"
Am I really a jerk for doing this? or can anyone see my side of this??

by **kendell** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:10 pm

no

by **calvert** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:20 pm

I know what the popular moral opinion would be to say that the past is the past and you should give him the job. But honestly bro, I understand where you're coming from. I know you don't want to lie to your wife, but you also want the guy fired mostly because of the whole dating thing. What I would do is find some reason, anything, why the guy is not absolutely perfect for the position and use that as an excuse to fire him. That way your wife won't be mad because you told her you had to fire him for a legitimate reason concerning the work he does, but you still managed to not lie to her.

And as for feeling for him in the "tough economic times" I'd say **** that.

I know its just my personality but I would always hate anyone that slept with my wife, no matter who they were.

by **jarl** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:26 pm

I think you're in the wrong, personally. He has done nothing wrong to your or affected your business in a negative way, and it sounds like he was a great fit for the job, better than what you expected actually. If he was really in the position to help your business, do you want to let your jealousy get in the way? I guess I don't even know if jealousy is the right word. It's more of a primal, possessiveness in a way. That's what it seems like. And yeah, I get it, guys can be possessive, but there's a time and a place for it. If he had been hitting on your wife, that's one thing. But he did no such thing, and there is no reason, especially if you trust your wife implicitly, for you to need to feel that way. I can understand also why your wife was insulted. The fact that you fired him for that reason alone could easily imply that you don't trust her to be working in the same building as him, which is weird, because I do believe that you trust her like you say you do. And it's even more strange because he has been married for many years as well. He clearly harbors no feelings for your wife, and she has none for him either, so it should not be a problem. I can understand that it may be a little awkward to imagine him with her or something along those lines, but that time has passed, and she's with YOU for a reason, and he is with his wife because he has no feelings for yours at all. If he attempted something inappropriate, I could understand the firing, but just out of jealousy, when he was a good fit for the position? I may have to side with your wife.

by **artzai** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:30 pm

Absolutely awful!! You put your personal feelings before business. I am surprised you've been successful. He was of no threat to you.

by **demarco** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:36 pm

you are 100% right, you just avoided adding fuel to fire, she and him can never forget that they were in bed together and will be anxious to try it again.

by **jolie95** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:39 pm

No, you have done like any normal man. Tel your view pointws to your wife.

by **tanishia** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:46 pm

No, you have done like any normal man. Tel your view pointws to your wife.

Yes i do think that was a mean and unfair thing to do. Imagine if he really needs that job put yourself in his place he was probably all excited and told his family and then got fired for no good reason. Yes he dated your wife but that was more than 20 years ago. You should have just done thing differently idk but i feel sorry for that man. i understand what your saying i wouldnt like my husband and his ex close to eachother but then again the man provides for his children.

by **siuaghan** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:04 pm

Hey man ... find an old girlfriend of yours and give her the job ... I'll bet your wife would hate it!!!

by **avikar76** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:06 pm

Really? You're that insecure after 18 years of marriage? That's sad. Yes, you're a jerk.

EDIT TO ADD:
No, it's not about 'protecting your family'. There's no need to protect them from something that happened two decades ago. It's about your insecurity, and clearly also about the fact that after 18 years of marriage, you don't trust your spouse, which is also sad. You're acting like a jealous 12-year-old.

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