Law-Forums.org

[rumford]

I'll try and keep this as short as I can but there is quite a lot of info you need to know to be able to give me an informed answer.
Im the youngest sibling in my family. I have an older sister who is married with a baby on the way and an older brother who is working. There is seven years between my sister and I and 4 between me and my brother. Im in my early 20s We all get on quite well and I am very close with my parents, especially my mother. The problem isn't with my parents, its more my siblings and brother in law.
Im currently at university studying for an art degree and I have moved away from home and have recently got a part time job. I have a lot of experience and qualifications in this field as I have always known and wanted to have a career in art. I spent a lot of years studying and learning and have achieved a lot. It seems that I get picked on quite a lot by my siblings, especially my brother in law. Because I don't have a "proper job" or doing a "proper degree" he and my sister seem to think that I do nothing and that I'm just wasting my life away and wasting my parents money. Which is totally the opposite of what I'm doing. I work really hard. My parents do help me out by paying my rent, but thats all the money I get and this is an agreement my parents and I have made with each other. They spent more money on my sister and brother when they were going through university. My parents paid for all their tuition and gave them spending money, plus my dad paid for my sisters really expensive wedding 3 years ago. My brother in law can be really spiteful to me sometimes but my sister never sticks up for me and no one will say anything to him apart from my mother. But it's like neither of our voices are ever heard. My sister complains that I never go over to see her, but she will never call me or come to see me. She lives 2 hours on the train away from me and as a student, I haven't always got the money or the time to pay to go and visit them. I do make the effort, but it's not like they make the effort back. Seems they still think I must have so much time on my hands!
Normally I can brush this aside and forget about it, but recently its really started getting to me. My sister found out she is pregnant, this will be the first grandchild etc etc. We are all really excited. I am especially excited that I'm going to be an aunt. I have waited for this day for years. It seems though that my excitement has gone unnoticed. My sister sits there going on and on about how my brother seems so excited about the baby. And how he will love it so much when it comes bla bla. And mentioned the other week that he is going to be her birthing partner (which my mom was pretty disappointed about and I was too as I hoped she would ask me but I'm ok with it, I'm more upset for my mom). She did however ask if my mom and I would throw her a baby shower, which we of course assumed we would do anyway as i already told her we were going to. My brother in law made a snide comment about me doing it, that I won't be organised and my sister will end up doing it (which would not be the case at all, and he said some other pretty cutting stuff which i won't put on here). My sister called up 2 days later saying that her friend asked if she could do it and my sister said yes to her. So now, her friend is throwing the shower. My mom was ok about it, but i was pretty cut up as I really wanted to do something for my sister and my future niece or nephew. And to top it all off, my sister went for her scan recently and my mom called up asking me if I got the photo she sent to everyone, and I didn't receive one. It really hurt me that my sister didn't send me a photo of the baby. Ok I know what people would say, maybe she forgot, or it got lost, or I should wait, but to be honest, how can you forget your sister? I just feel really left out of everything. It's never really bothered me this much but it really has this past month. Any advice on things I might be able to do to help me get over it? I mean I do stand up for myself but it just seems to fall on deaf ears!

[gofraidh34]

You should talk to them about it. Just put it out there that you want to spend more time together. Watch a movie together or something. Hope it helped :)

[langford59]

I kind of have similar problems with other members of my family, its not nice so *big hugs* to you first!
I suggest you write a letter to your sister and get it all out & explain exactly how you feel. I think you should arrange to meet her in her town for lunch & give it to her in person, the reason I suggest this is because I don't like the sound of her husband. She needs to read it and you need to see her reaction to it herself. Her reaction will be how she feels & not influenced by anyone else then! Hopefully it will be good and she will apologize & maybe give you something else to involve you with the baby. If she reacts badly then I'm afraid thats gonna be quite hard for you to deal with but at least you will know how she really feels about you!
Good luck xx

[golding]

Don't try so hard and stay away. when your sister calls you saying why don't you ever visit then it would be the right time to say "I'm tired of your husband always cutting me down and saying rude stuff to me." Tell her that you have feelings and took the hint when all the above happened. I think you have every right to feel the way you do as I would also. I am so sorry this is happening as you need to live your life free from ridicule. Tell your brother in law where to go. He should keep his rude comments to himself and as your sister she should tell him to keep his mouth shut. If you were my sister, my hubby would never disrespect you. Live your life and don't worry about what they say cause obviously they are jealous of your life or they wouldn't keep picking on it. Good luck and I hope this helps.