How do I deal with a lying spouse?

[adaya]

My husband loaned his mother $8000 without talking to me about it. Before the money was loaned out, my mother in law has never worked, racked up credit cards, and then filed bankruptcy. My gut told me that this was going to be trouble so I started documenting things from the very beginning of this loan. Recently my husband lied to me and told me that his mother paid back all of the money. I know for a fact that she hasn't. She still owes almost $5000 and we can't afford to just give someone that kind of money. We owe creditors money and needed that money should never have been loaned out. When I asked my husband to provide me with transaction receipts, he responded with a "If my word isn't good enough than we really have problems." His word isn't good enough because he has done some other deceitful things such as forging my signature on things such as checks that don't belong to him. He also gave his mother a credit card without my consent. Every time I catch him in things, we have nothing but a major argument. He has done a lot of unethical things behind my back. I am very disappointed and unsure of how I want to live the rest of my life. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression because of all of this stuff. How should I handle my husband?

[jasper]

You stop making sandwiches for him.

[janyd]

If there is that much lying then I would introduce him as my ex. He can go live with MOMMY and she if she can take care of him.

[chadburne48]

A liar is always a liar and they do not change. This is a major character flaw and honesty is very important in a marriage. You have to decide if you can live with him even though he is a liar. He should be putting you and your relationship before his mother and if he isn't now, he probably never will.

[han]

I did good. Divorce him... he doesn't deserve you. Both parties are bringing fascism to the US. I hope you are not like the rest that are too spineless to vote for a third party. Listen my little slave, I'm a banker on Wall St. and please take my advice, and shut the **** up. Just do what you're told by your government, media and corporations. Don't ask questions. Just fight my wars for me. Don't incite any kind of revolt or common sense amongst yourself or those around you. You’re just a silly, little goyim gentile. Go follow your silly religion and be fearful of “God.” I AM your God. Poor people like you shouldn't ask questions. Just shut up and do what you're told. That goes for all of the sheep out there that think they have a democracy and freedom - all of you Republicans and Democrats. LMAO! Just keep voting for both parties and keep ME in TRUE POWER. Join the army and let's get the big green capitalist machine going again. Let's spread capitalism further, there's a lot more work to be done and a hell of a lot more money to be made FOR ME. Whatever you do, do NOT realize that all Democrat and Republican supporters are really the same - they’re all comparatively poor and powerless. Really, all of you should vote in concert, rather than vote against each other, weakening yourselves. By diminishing your true strength, you only keep the cycle of theater going, and your pathetic country based on supposed “values” and “culture” and “history,” remains under my control. You only defeat yourselves when you b-tch at each other over who’s “better,” when both are the same and work for the same person - me. It's funny how no one has figured out that the third and final thing we stand for - capitalism - is by far the most important thing we stand for. It is the religion of all religions I have successfully spread globally for 2000 years by promising the few elite a new caste system, no longer based on creed or race, but on financial status. The other two, democracy and freedom, are just used as propaganda to fool our own animal population of sheep (that's you). Everyone has known that politicians, especially presidents, are puppets, but never have figured out the puppeteers. Peek-a boo, b-tches! It’s me jackass, the foundation of capitalism. I'm sick and tired of you puny little worthless children acting like you have legitimate needs and questions. Let's do this for the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! GOD BLESS ME AND THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Dammit without me and my funding of your capitalistic economic structure, you’d be nothing! Let’s attack Persia, the home of the Aryan race, the first great empire the world ever knew. The first empire that I funded. The race that I even come from. But bombing my grandfather doesn’t get between me and my money. Glancing at my people’s history will tell you that. Your president, whomever it is, always was, and always will be, my little b-tch. Now get out of my presence you worthless pile of crap. And whatever you do with your waste of a life, DO NOT have the independent will, bravery, intellect, self-respect, courage and pride to vote THIRD party! Good riddance to you and your weak and pathetic lives. Just do NOT band together and figure out who are the puppeteers of your puppet politicians and elect someone that is not bought and paid for by ME. I own you and always will own your insignificant life. As long as you keep gobbling up the propaganda that the great American propaganda machine spits out (which I fund as well), you’ll never change your pathetic habits. Anyways, as long as I own your government, media, and your corporations (because without me and my lending/credit, they don't even exist), you'll be dead soon enough, and I can start all over again with your kids. Have a nice life, chump! A TWO(!)- party "democracy?" And you all keep voting for the same parties because you want your vote to "count." ROTFLMAO!!! HILARIOUS!!! Fascism is coming baby! And I'm at the top of the food chain!

[burdett]

The answer doesn't lay in the resolution of your conflict. It lays within the very question you asked.

How do I deal with a lying spouse? Don't. A relationship should never compromise the health of one for the advantage of the other. A marriage is not a marriage if it is causing anxiety and depression. Loving someone is a choice. Plain and simple. He is choosing to lie to you and cause undue stress on your relationship instead of choosing to love you.

My ex-wife spent a lot of time making sure she could get away with her lies. When I discovered the first one, it was only a matter of time before the entire scope of her deciet came to light. Liars are a special breed. If they know they can get away with one little seemingly harmless (even white) lie, they will continue to push and push and push until their whole life is one big lie. Liars can change, but because of the very nature of a lie it's almost impossible to tell.

Without knowing the complete dynamic of your relationship with him and both of your personalities, I can't begin to guess how to do this. Liars require a strong guiding hand and a very disciplined environment. If they can't get away with the tiniest of lies, thier lies can never progress. Draw a firm line in the sand and don't let him cross. Not one inch. Absolute ZERO TOLERANCE on your part must be adhered to, or you might as well embrace that depression and enxiety because it's gonna be around as long as you let it.

If he can't handle that, then ditch him. You need to take care of yourself first. If you don't you will fall prey to illness and disease, and then who will be left to watch after you? You guessed it. The person who helped land you in that predicament in the first place. Do you really want a liar overlooking you healthcare?

By the way my (albeit prejuduced) instinct, is that you have only seen the tip of his lying ice berg.

[smid]

Why are you still putting up with him and his Mommy .This is not a marriage to you he is married to his Mommy ,and his Mommy is taking her son and you to the cleaners............she is cleaning you both out financially what nerve she has and he keeps giving her more money credit cards..........DIVORCE HIM AND MOMMY

[eochaidh94]

Well a divorce will comand the two of you to split everything.I guess you'll have to consider it if he is spending your money and not giving you proof.This is the biggest reason for divorce money.If it's his money then there isn't much you can do. Write the pros of yur marriage and the cons if there are more cons than pros then start the seperation. If that is not an option start getting seperate checking accounts ect. You can both have your name on the accounts but set one up just for him one for you.That way you will have piece of mind.

[elton]

How much do you love yourself? Sounds like an off the wall question at first but think about it for a moment. You're willing to affect your overall happiness, take on depression and anxiety over someone that says he loves you, that clearly places his mother over his wife, has a questionable character and is in denial of his decietful ways. Is that what you call a happy and blissful marriage? Is this what you signed up for for the rest of your life? I'm going to take a lucky guess and say NO! There's enough questionable activity going on here that justifies some serious counseling. If he feels there's no reason for counseling then in a sense he's telling you he doesn't care enough about the marriage in order to save it! If you think shutting down and going into your depressed state will hopefully cause things to simmer down then you're sadly mistaken. The marriage is broken, it needs to be fixed. That requires ACTION, action from you. because it's clear that he's not going to take the appropriate action in order to fix it.

[jacobs8891]

well that's very genuine question.you should trust and talking with your spouse and resolve the matters