How do I tell a good friend that I hate his girlfriend?

[ji]

First, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR, "You say nothing, it is not your place to tell him who is right or wrong for him," crap. I know this. I am asking how I should tell him in case it gets to the point where I need to say something.

The following points are examples of why she needs to be dumped. I have read many of posts similar to this one and none really go into detail as to why the girlfriend/boyfriend needed to be dumped. After reading this post, you will learn that she's just genuinely a bad person. All of the quotes and stories that will be told are true. Either I was there when it happened/was said or I was told firsthand by my friend:

(NOTE: From this point forward, the girlfriend will hereby be referred to as "Satan.")

Here are the specifics: My friend is currently unable to work due to a back problem that requires surgery and has literally NO money. My friend and I will joke about what he's going to do with his first paycheck after finally being able to work. Satan has said, "No, you can't buy a new Xbox because you owe me money for all the dates I had to pay for because SOMEBODY has a bad back." For her birthday, he was going to surprise her by taking her to the aquarium about an hour away from our city. On the way there, she tries to guess where they're going and he won't tell her. After a few guesses she says, "Well I hope it isn't the aquarium because I HATE the aquarium!" Once he told her that's where he was taking her, he was chewed out for even thinking she would enjoy that. I cannot make this stuff up, folks.

Satan has faked being pregnant in order for him to stay with her. They (luckily) hit a rough patch in their relationship and he told me about how he was thinking about dumping her due to his loss of feelings towards her. The week before, Satan had been complaining of her menstrual cramps and how she was on her period (like a typical girl would do). My friend made his wish of wanting the relationship to be over known to Satan and then she told him that she had missed her period and was pregnant (Remember, she had her period the week prior to the attempted dumping). He didn't want to leave her since she was carrying his "kid" and stuck it out. Once their arguments ceased and he quit showing the signs that he was wanting to break up, she "wasn't pregnant anymore." I was unaware that babies could just disappear from the uterus.

She's disrespectful to his family. She will argue with his mother over little things like what should be cooked for dinner, where their vacation should be, and other things that don't concern her. My mom always tells me that, "The way you treat your mother shows how you will treat your (future) spouse". Well what does the way you treat your friend's mother show you?

Satan does not allow my friend to associate with any other member of the female sex. That includes his sister, his mother, and his sister-in-law. I will repeat this. HE. IS NOT ALLOWED. TO TEXT. HIS. MOTHER. Me, Satan, my friend, and another couple went to a Tennessee football game. My friend's brother and his wife were sitting on the opposite side of the stadium. My friend's sister-in-law texted my friend and asked where we were sitting. Satan (who regularly does this) peeps over his shoulder and reads the text and proceeds to tell him that he should not be texting any other girl, even if it is a relative. She logged onto his Facebook and Twitter and blocked every girl that he was friends with, followed, or followed him. I understand that he shouldn't go out on dates with other girls while he has a girlfriend, but I was unaware that people consider it "cheating" to talk to another girl while in a relationship.

There's more reasons as to why Satan deserves to be dumped, but I don't want to take up too much of your time. I would love to hear your feedback and I appreciate all responses (except for the ones that say that Satan is a saint).

[dureau]

Tell him his girlfriend is a **** if it gets to the point to where you HAVE to say something. Seriously. Just say, "dude, I know you love your girlfriend but she's a **** and I don't think she's any good for you."