How good is my LOTRO character background story?

[cuartio52]

I have a story I have been writing. it's about a Lord Of The Rings ONLINE Character, Clefspear to be exact... Clefspear Banaster. and here it is. I haven't even come close to finishing, I will post end results later. check my profile if interested..


Clefspear

Prologue
Clefspear always wanted to be a front man. A guy in charge, someone to look after someone’s back, someone to rely upon. Well, this is the story of how that came to be. Be sure to pay attention, because I will not repeat myself. Enjoy! Or don’t…. I don’t care.

















Chapter I
Jailed

I was shaking as I walked –wait, no- was dragged into the jail… I had never been to one before, certainly not like this! I scowled at the two men dragging me by my arms.
“Is this REALLY necessary?!?” I said in an incredulous voice.
“I mean-“ (short pause as door portal loads)
“Really, it wasn’t all that bad! I was only pointing out that you’d lost weight!!! Is that such a crime?”
The guard to my right dragging my right arm scowled back and said
“Yes, it IS necessary! I am arresting you for offense against The Law.” He said with a smirk,
“Oh, come on!!!!” I sighed and drooped as if boneless, making it harder for them to carry me. We neared the desk and a lady in tights and a rusty tunic looked up from her desk.
“Can I help you?” she asked in a rough tone,
“This savage here caused direct offense against The Law.” He said to her,
“He was using unnecessary language towards our good mayor.” I had had enough.
“I did nothing of the sort!!!! M’Lady you’ve got t-“ she interrupted with
“Don’t.” she added emphases by poking me hard in the chest,
“Call me Lady, EVER again.” She said with deep annoyance in her voice…
“Yes M’- I mean of course. And might I have the pleasure of knowing your name?” I said, a little taken aback,
She simply stated,
“No.” as if I was too filthy and ‘unjust’ to know why.
“Well you need to know that I did nothing of the sort! I simply stated that I noticed he’d lost a few pounds is all!”
She sat there a second and said,
“Fine, guards, let em go.”
They did as they were told with agony.
I started for the door, just as she said
“Ah, not so fast, what was your name?”
My face drooped and I let out a sigh.
‘Here we go again.’ I thought to myself,
“Clefspear is my name, miss, and I would really like to go now.”
She smiled a cruel and vicious smile, “I’ll bet you would, you’re wanted for arrest in several Dwellings, if I’m not mistaken.”
My face grew hot, “only because they won’t give me a fair trial! I haven’t done anything wrong and yet I am accused of murder! I didn’t even know the man!”
She frowned, “Well that’s odd, they said that he was your cousin…”
I ****** an eye-brow. What would they come up with next?
“I don’t have any cousins. All of my relatives have died in the past six years or so.”
She also looked confused, “If what your saying is true, then I think someone is framing you. I would have you under my own command, as to both train you and keep an eye on you. Please stay here in Bree, so that we may know each other better.”
I thought this was very strange, just a moment ago she was giving me a look that could give a child nightmares. I wandered what had changed her so quickly. I bowed my head and said
“Well, I guess so, but why do you ask this? Just a moment ago you were giving me a very threatening gaze, as if I’d taken your best jewelry.”
She laughed “I treat everyone that way unless they’re not criminals.”
I nodded, sort of understanding. As a jailor, I suppose looking tough has its perks.
Chapter II
A little bit of training.



Profile:
Name: Clefspear.
Class: Captain
Race: Man
Country: Rohan
(Level as of 2012 april 10th): 32
Personality; Valiant, Good-Hearted, Nature-Loving, Useful,courageous.