Law-Forums.org

[starling]

"My Three Daddies: California Eyes Multiple Parenting Law

California, the battleground state for the arguments for and against same-sex marriage, is now considering an unconventional law that would allow children to be legally granted more than two parents.

The bill -- SB1476 -- would apply equally to men and women, and to homosexual or heterosexual relationships. Proposed by State Sen. Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, it has passed the Senate and awaits an Assembly vote.

Leno cites the evolving American family, which includes surrogacy arrangements, same-sex marriages and reproductive techniques that involve multiple individuals."

http://news.yahoo.com/three-daddies-california-eyes-multiple-parenting-law-180202060--abc-news-health.html

[avikar76]

Wow, I would only want 2 parents but that's the way most of us grew up. So if things change and one day a kid says to my kid, "I have 4 parents" so be it I guess.

[gall]

Sounds like opening the floodgates to polygamy. Up to 2 is plenty enough.

- I just have to add to "Jessica" that every reason she listed for this law making sense is absolutely terrible. A step parent is simply a step parent and should not have any say over health, religion, schooling etc unless BOTH true legal parents want step parents opinion. But passing that on as a general rule is a horrible idea.
Also, if a biological parent gives their child up for adoption then they giving up ANY rights to make decisions for that child (even in cases of open adoption) and any adoptive parent in their right mind would NEVER want the bio parent to have shared custody. They would live in constant fear of bio mom or dad taking the child back.

[atworth49]

I found this really interesting when I first read about it. It does sound a little odd to me but that is just my opinion.

I do feel same sex parents like a man who is married to a man should have equal rights as parents. They are raising a child just like any other parent. Yet I'm confused at how this would work with 3 people. Isn't that like polygamy?

I can't read the full article now. Fighting yet another migraine. I'm only online to keep myself entertained instead of focused on the pain.

I once had a friend who said she had more than one dad & mom. She had her biological parents, her step dad, her step mom, her former step dad & a former step mom. She viewed them all as family & even sent them all Mothers Day cards & Fathers Day cards. My only thought as a kid then was "Wow, she must get a lot of presents." lol

I can see this causing confusion.

But all in all I think like things like gay marriage or gay adoptions it isn't any of my business.

What matters most is the child. Will this confusion hurt or harm a child? Or will it be helpful?

EDIT - "So if they break up, imagine the custody battles in court." - exactly.

I remember a Lifetime movie based on a true story. It starred Brooke Shileds (I think I spelled it right). It was about a gay couple who had a daughter. One woman was the one who carried the baby and gave birth to the baby. The other woman was I think in the process of getting ready to adopt the baby but then the woman who had just given birth got sick and about 2yrs later died. Her illness stalled the adoption process becaue they were focused on the cancer.

When the woman who gave birth to the baby died. Her partner assumed she would raise the litle girl alone as a single parent. Sadly law suits came up from the little girl girls biolgical grandparents. They had never been supportive of their daughter being gay let alone having a baby.

I think it took another 2yrs or so for her to finally get custody.

I found the whole process very sad. This poor woman was grieving the loss of her partner, caring for what she saw was THEIR daughter then loses her or almost lost her.

Here is the movie - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251474/

[rolfe16]

I found this really interesting when I first read about it. It does sound a little odd to me but that is just my opinion.

I do feel same sex parents like a man who is married to a man should have equal rights as parents. They are raising a child just like any other parent. Yet I'm confused at how this would work with 3 people. Isn't that like polygamy?

I can't read the full article now. Fighting yet another migraine. I'm only online to keep myself entertained instead of focused on the pain.

I once had a friend who said she had more than one dad & mom. She had her biological parents, her step dad, her step mom, her former step dad & a former step mom. She viewed them all as family & even sent them all Mothers Day cards & Fathers Day cards. My only thought as a kid then was "Wow, she must get a lot of presents." lol

I can see this causing confusion.

But all in all I think like things like gay marriage or gay adoptions it isn't any of my business.

What matters most is the child. Will this confusion hurt or harm a child? Or will it be helpful?

EDIT - "So if they break up, imagine the custody battles in court." - exactly.

I remember a Lifetime movie based on a true story. It starred Brooke Shileds (I think I spelled it right). It was about a gay couple who had a daughter. One woman was the one who carried the baby and gave birth to the baby. The other woman was I think in the process of getting ready to adopt the baby but then the woman who had just given birth got sick and about 2yrs later died. Her illness stalled the adoption process becaue they were focused on the cancer.

When the woman who gave birth to the baby died. Her partner assumed she would raise the litle girl alone as a single parent. Sadly law suits came up from the little girl girls biolgical grandparents. They had never been supportive of their daughter being gay let alone having a baby.

I think it took another 2yrs or so for her to finally get custody.

I found the whole process very sad. This poor woman was grieving the loss of her partner, caring for what she saw was THEIR daughter then loses her or almost lost her.

Here is the movie - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251474/

Alright, I think that should be on a case by case basis. You have the literal, single parent household, you have the traditional two parent household (even if it doesn't appear as traditional as it once was), you have the extended family household (grandma, grandpa, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends and other family members), and I am sure other scenarios. Personally, as many adults who want to love a child as a parent does (caring for them, being there for them financially, physically, emotionally, etc), then in my opinion, that is how many parents a child should have, either on the books or off.

Edit: I have seen custody battles like that in court. A friend of mine got pregnant, split with the dad and moved back home. The guy ducked out for years leaving my friend and her parents raising the daughter. My friend was completely dependent on her mother, really. She would cash her checks and give them to her mother.

Eventually she met a guy and he initially moved in with them but couldn't take it. He talked her into moving out, bringing her daughter and their son (they stayed long enough to have a son and he was nearly 2). When they tried, the legal battle ensued between her parents, herself, and her ex (her parents recruited him after he had abandoned her daughter all those years).

Long story short, the grandparents have the grandkids 2 days every other week and 3 days on the opposite week PLUS one weekend a month. Dear old-walk-out-of-his-daughters-life dad has a similar arrangement. 1 day during the week and every other weekend. This leaves the parents with almost no quality time, with the exception of a single weekend a month which they now have to fit "socialization" time in.

Having 3 dads isn't the complication, it's the ending of any relationship that will make a custody battle complicated, especially when all you hear from the adults "I want", "My time", "I didn't agree they could do that, it interferes with my schedule", etc.

It's not the "parents' ", our time ended when we chose to have our children, from then on out, it's our CHILDREN'S time.

[valentino]

It's an interesting way to address the issues involving divorce and remarriage and those families that come about as a result of medically-aided reproductive techniques, but I think it also opens up a dangerous possibility for those couples who have sought help for fertility. It runs the risk of awarding custody to otherwise anonymous sperm donors or even to surrogates who carried a fetus but is not biologically related to the child. I don't normally like the phrase "slippery slope," but I think it fits this situation.

[rheged]

I see a lot of people looking at it as a path to polygamy, but I think it would actually make since in quite a few situations, especially when it comes to shared custody parents, whoever has primary custody could have their new spouse to help with school, medical, etc situations requiring a legal guardian. Also if a single mother chooses to give her baby up for adoption the couple who adopts could share custody with her in an open adoption if they choose. Granted these and many more situations where this could be beneficial are rare, it is nice that they can have this as an option.

[werner72]

wow, is there even a point to being a bio parent these days?? I'm saying 2...Cali has been an odd state altogether....I wonder if the drama is just way too intense in that state...

[alburt]

Move to Bountiful, BC and away you go.

I don't understand how that could possibly not be polygamy. Parents are supposed to love each other... so if there are 3 parents... then surely they love each other... and that's polygamy. I'm thinking that would be an issue with agreeing on parenting too; you know the saying "too many cooks spoil the broth". I find that two people is sometimes too many.

I actually know someone who has a husband who also lives with another woman in a relationship (but they're not actually married as far as I know, so it's legal). She claims she likes it. Personally, I cannot even begin imagine how that could be possible, but then again, I've never tried either. So even though I find it extremely weird and hard to wrap my head around, I guess I would be okay with other people doing it, if the kids are alright (which is hard to measure, which is a problem).

If it's for mixed families, there's no way that would work. That would just be a huge mess. Once a step mother becomes a legal parent, then what? if they get divorced, then she can fight for custody too? That does not make any sense whatsoever. Now *that* is ridiculous.

[abraham90]

I think it sounds like a good idea actually, in cases of surrogacy it could be very helpful, as it could with sperm donation and with step-parents, I know the issue of what if the parent and step-parent break up, but really it would protect the step-parent and child, I mean is it really fair to a person or the child, if a step-parent raises the child for years and years, treats them like their own and regards them as their own and the child feels the same to suddenly have no legal rights in the case of divorce? that seems cruel to the child and the adult involved, yes it could make it more complicated in terms of custody agreements but there seem to be more benefits than problems from it, as long as it was kept within reason, I mean allowing a child to legally have 4 parents would be much different than allowing say 12.