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[arrigo]

So I am having a small issue with my future mother in law. She is a very nice lady who has always treated me nicely, but i am finding as the wedding planning begins her demands are increasing. (Before I go into further detail, I want to make note that she is chipping in for the wedding which was very generous of her...) First of all, my family (Family A) lives in one state (example: Kansas) and my future in laws family (Family B) lives in another state (example: Indiana). Either way if we have the wedding in one state there will be one family at a disadvantage. My finance and I decided to go with a location close to Family B leaving my side at a disadvantage.

Next, my fiance has one sister and I have 5 brothers. His sister is standing up as a bridesmaid in our wedding, but not one of my brothers is standing up on his side. My brothers have already expressed how it was a little unfair that not even one of them was part of the wedding party but just ushers instead when I am including his sister on my side.

Now here is where the dilemma occurs... My future mother in law wants us to have her two grandchildren (Kristen, 11 and Mikey, 7) stand up as a junior bridesmaid and junior groomsman in our wedding. First of all I really don't want to have juniors in our wedding and secondly that is even more unfair for my brothers if I include my finances niece and nephew in the wedding before them. We already have five bridesmaids and five groomsman in our wedding, which is a great number.

When my future mother in law asked me about this, I simply told her that we were set on our five that we have now and that it would be unfair for my brothers. I then told her that Kristen and Mikey will be included in the wedding in another way. She did not seem happy about that and told me that would be an issue with her... What do I do? I was very polite about it and I am usually a very easy going person that never says no to people, but I can't get over this because it seems like this wedding is becoming more of an affair for the grooms side.

Am I being unreasonable about this? Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated!

-BridetoBe2011

[bachir93]

http://book-101_surefire_daughter-in-law_rules.dads-house.org/
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[webb]

Quit being bridezilla and what is wrong with the kids in the ceremony? The ceremony is about family. Have a cool bachlorette party with just the girlfriends and do it a week before the big day so you don't have hangover face the next day.

[dallen47]

It's you and your fiance's wedding. Seems like mom chipped in with strings. Stick to your guns, talk to your fiance about the plans, not his mother, she's a minefield. You're giving too much ground this is your day too. good luck

[leonie36]

that is why me and my husband got married at the justice of the peace. stand your ground. if you start out letting them have there way it will be like that your entire marriage.

[emek]

to long to read but just don't get married

[chozai65]

Regardless of who is paying, it's YOUR day and YOU should be running the show. Sounds like your "generous" mother in law may be being generous so she can call the shots. Before this marriage begins, you and your family are already getting the shaft. I would take it as a sign of how things are going to work.

You can either continue to let your mother in law plan the wedding of HER dreams, or you can step up and take back the control of your wedding.

Good luck.

[favian]

No, whose day is it anyway??
From what I saw on t.v. It was suppose to be one of the memorable days of a brides new life.
Do you want it to be one where you are happy or she is at your expense. Just because one
offers money to pay for something, it is not a bribe (unless it is put across as so). As it was
a "gift," receive it with gladness (unless you want to pay the whole thing yourself) and leave it
at that.

[lundie]

Ok I am not in agreement when i hear this is YOUR day.It is Your day and Grooms day.Use to be brides parents gladly paid for their daughters wedding. Who ever pays i say calls the shots to some degree and some kind of compromise of course.
Both sides of the family should be honored to be a part in the ceremony.Whatever role you give them. Everyone has to understand some things can not be helped MIL needs to back off and just you and groom need to do final adjustments.If you cant talk to him about it
why would you want to marry a wuss?
This is what all these big lavish weddings do is create a whole mess of problems for one day.
I say lavish for one reason is the traveling issue from one state to another
and all the expense and time lost and to be made sad or upset that you not going to be in the party seems unfair to me.I agree with you for the junior bridesmaid and groomsmen although i see grannies point also. Those little things she is asking for to make her happy for her son ,and to love you even more, will later on give you many more rewards.You donbt have to be a doormat but that little special attention you gave her and honor her at the same time will always be rememebered. I would say though;

'ok
I will say ok with this even though I did not want junior this and that to make you happy this once.

Now if you dont mind let me and my new husband take over OUR wedding. OK love:)' Then walk away as there will be no more discussion on it.
If she has any sense she will get the hint. If she doesnt get the hint then get all bridezilla on her.
But one thing fiance has to grow some balls and talk to his mother about interferring so much.
ok Good luck on YOUR day I wish you the best.

[bernd]

First, your brothers need to understand that your fiance would not be able to include ALL of them, so he can't decide on just one or two. And you need to remember that this is your day, it should be your decision on who is in the wedding and who is not. We did not have any juniors or ring bearers and none of my family (3 brothers) were included as a part of the party. Your mother-in-law will get over it if she's as nice as you say.