How do I deal with a future sister-in-law I hate?

[laureano97]

My brother-in-law (husbands brother) has been dating a girl for about 3 years. They are high school "sweethearts" and are 19 and 21. I've been married to my husband for 5 years and I've been around the family for 8 years, I consider them my family too. When these two first started dating things were okay. She was a nice 16 year old who didn't talk much and we tried to make her feel included and part of the family. Then the her true self came out... She was constantly causing problems. She'd keep him from doing things with our family or if they did come they'd only stay for a bit, hardly talk to anyone and then leave. His personally completely changed and it was like we didn't know who he was anymore. She'd get upset and say it was inappropriate for my brother-in-law and I to talk or hug because I was "another woman" (Gross! he's like my brother!) She'd try to pin family members against each other by play the "he/she said this about you" game, and most of the time she made it up. At first we chalked it up to; she young! She'll come around once she grows up. But it continued for months like this, only getting worse. No one in the family could stand her, we all just sucked it up and were nice because we didn't want to cause waves. Then about a year ago, there was a huge blow up within the family involving her not showing up to be the guest book attendant at my sister-in-laws wedding, then coming to the reception and dancing with other guys, and actually meeting up with one of them later. My idiot brother-in-law took her back because she claimed "all they did was talk." But my husband and I just couldn't take her anymore. She tried to come with him to our home for a get together we were having and we had to tell him she wasn't welcome in our home and that resulted in us not talking for about 4 months. We later had a sit down discussion, the four of us, that was basically beating a dead horse and in my eyes got us nowhere, but we decided to be decent towards each other. Now they're engaged... and having to spend time with them is excruciating for me. I am very emotional and have been struggling to be kind and contain my hatred. It makes me physically ill and I'm just not sure how to deal with this. It feels like no matter what she does or says I'll never like her. And now in June of next year she'll be a permanent part of my family! The thought that she'll be kids aunt is enough to make me cry... We have to see them Sunday for a Father's Day Diner and I'm dreading it. Any advise?

[abraham90]

I know how you feel my bros gf is like a gold digger she makes fun of me abd my family she causes drama it drives me insane but I speak my mind so I told her how I felt and she doesnt like me ethier! I give you props for holding your ground and not going crazy like me I would talk to your brother about it when shes not around and talk to her seperatly too you know or see some therapy lol

[celeste]

Your just going to have to keep your distance from her, and just be civil. Just continue to ban her from you house and ignore her and hopefully your brother in law Smarts up. I'm sorry to hear that your having a difficult time. If you get a chance let us know what happens at the dinner.

[leonie36]

It sounds like YOU need to sit down and have a 'heart-to-heart' chat with your brother ONLY.
If you can't get him to open his eyes to her - then you'll just have to find a 'common ground', after they're married, and make the best of it.