Inheritance - is this unfair?

[dalon]

Hi everyone, I would appreciate if you could advise me on this - I'm not looking for a legal advice, just a life advice, if I can put it this way.

In my family we are two sisters and have a younger brother as well. My father died about 6 years ago. He was quite rich (and respected as well, a personal friend with many ministers), he was a businessman then he became a landlord. When he died, he had at least £2m worth of property - this included a few homes and houses, an absolute gorgeous mansion (in the country side though, hence the value not that expensive), and a few places that he used to rent out (including a land which he has rented out to a bank and it's now 15 years that the bank is there and has no intentions of moving out and a restaurant with high class customers such as ministers, MPs, foreign visiting officials etc).

The rent generated now by the properties is about £4,000 a week.

When my father died, he left all properties but one to my younger brother. The other property was left to my mother. Out of this £4,000 rent per week, £500 is my mothers, the £3,500 is my brothers.

Me and my sister were left with nothing. I wouldn't want to fight or argue with my brother because of money, he's my brother at the end of the day. But the thing is, whilst he's buying Jaguars and Range Rovers for him, new houses, clothes for £3,000, with every new girlfriend (which changes every two weeks) at least a £1,000 worth of presents, spending £300 a day on restaurants (at least, on occassions such as birthday this goes up to £2-3,000) and £100 tips for all the waiters (so a very high life), whilst he's doing that, we're really struggling. I mean, I don't want to sound as if I'm begging or crying, I always thank God for what we have and appreciate the fact that what I have could have been much less, but I still think it is unfair that my brother was left so much inheritance and we were left with nothing. At the moment, for example, we're working hard, literally waking up at 5am every morning including Saturdays, to pay for my son's university fees, because I didn't want my son to start his life with a loan. I've had my job for 4 years now, from 5am to 4 pm, but then for the last 9 months I had a second job from 4pm to 7pm and getting home at 8.30pm.

The thing is that he doesn't even care.... He always calls us and we call him as well, talk to each other normally etc. But that's because when I learnt everything was left to him, I thought that's all right, my father knew what he was doing, my brother will probably share, or make more money then share with us more etc. But it's been like six years and he doesn't do anything. He knows our living conditions, we don't even have a house, we rent for 4 years now, and he knows it but just does nothing, absolutely nothing.

The other day, for some reason, he called somebody a greedy person. How could he even dare saying that when he himself is so greedy?

What do you think about this all, is this fair? I'm so upset with my father because of what he did, or maybe he didn't think this will happen and the only person to blame is my brother? It's not even in our traditions to leave everything to men - I know some religions or countries have this tradition to leave everything to the oldest men - it wasn't the case with us. So why it happened is still a mystery for me.

What shall I do? Shall I continue as it is? Shall I just stop talking to him at all? I don't care if I don't get the money, but I can't continue it like this anymore. I'm so dissapointed, what would you do in my place?

P.S. I know how much he spends on tips and stuff because on one occassion my son had to stay with him for a week, not voluntarily though, it just happened that we were out of country and he had no other place to go, and so he's seen everything. But even without him seeing it, it was self-evident anyway.

[weiford]

(1) Your father left everything to him. Deal.
(2) Your brother is a selfish jerk. See #1.
(3) There's nothing you can do. If money means more to him (and, obviously, to you), the ties should be severed.
(4) If you don't care about the money, stop harping on it, and live your own life. I've been a poor man all my life, and I do just fine.

[vipponah]

Here's my opinion, your father sounds like he was a smart man, and he probably loved you all equally, but when it came time to write his will he realized that some of his children were more capable than others. Your brother's expenses suggest he isn't good with money, your father probably mistakenly believed he would mature if given the responsibility of running the family estates. You've managed to have a relatively comfortable life and you're able to send your son to school, obviously you can take care of yourself. In time if your brother cannot reign in his expenses he may end up right back where he started. It sucks but that's life, do what you can for yourself and your family and live your life.

[vanaken25]

Here's my opinion, your father sounds like he was a smart man, and he probably loved you all equally, but when it came time to write his will he realized that some of his children were more capable than others. Your brother's expenses suggest he isn't good with money, your father probably mistakenly believed he would mature if given the responsibility of running the family estates. You've managed to have a relatively comfortable life and you're able to send your son to school, obviously you can take care of yourself. In time if your brother cannot reign in his expenses he may end up right back where he started. It sucks but that's life, do what you can for yourself and your family and live your life.

[warton26]

After reading your question, my first reaction is, have you asked your brother for help? Why would you think he will give you money without asking for it. Are you afraid he will call it a loan and make you pay it back? Perhaps you should do some introspective thinking and figure out why your father cut you out of the will, instead of complaining that it isn't fair.

[muireach]

The first two answers are both good.
Whether your Dad thought that your brother could handle the money better or that he needed it more is unclear. What is clear is that your brother is not handling it well.
Legally, there is probably nothing you can do. You can appeal to what ever good nature is left in your brother, in other words, beg for his help, or you can ignore him and live your life independent of his selfishness.
Have you talked to your mother about this whole situation? She didn't get a very good shake either but your Dad left her with something because he knew that she needed it. Maybe she can talk to your brother and appeal to his sense of fairness, if he has any.
I'm sorry to hear that your father had such poor judgment in this crucial decision of estate management.

[barraq]

Hi everyone, I would appreciate if you could advise me on this - I'm not looking for a legal advice, just a life advice, if I can put it this way.

In my family we are two sisters and have a younger brother as well. My father died about 6 years ago. He was quite rich (and respected as well, a personal friend with many ministers), he was a businessman then he became a landlord. When he died, he had at least £2m worth of property - this included a few homes and houses, an absolute gorgeous mansion (in the country side though, hence the value not that expensive), and a few places that he used to rent out (including a land which he has rented out to a bank and it's now 15 years that the bank is there and has no intentions of moving out and a restaurant with high class customers such as ministers, MPs, foreign visiting officials etc).

The rent generated now by the properties is about £4,000 a week.

When my father died, he left all properties but one to my younger brother. The other property was left to my mother. Out of this £4,000 rent per week, £500 is my mothers, the £3,500 is my brothers.

Me and my sister were left with nothing. I wouldn't want to fight or argue with my brother because of money, he's my brother at the end of the day. But the thing is, whilst he's buying Jaguars and Range Rovers for him, new houses, clothes for £3,000, with every new girlfriend (which changes every two weeks) at least a £1,000 worth of presents, spending £300 a day on restaurants (at least, on occassions such as birthday this goes up to £2-3,000) and £100 tips for all the waiters (so a very high life), whilst he's doing that, we're really struggling. I mean, I don't want to sound as if I'm begging or crying, I always thank God for what we have and appreciate the fact that what I have could have been much less, but I still think it is unfair that my brother was left so much inheritance and we were left with nothing. At the moment, for example, we're working hard, literally waking up at 5am every morning including Saturdays, to pay for my son's university fees, because I didn't want my son to start his life with a loan. I've had my job for 4 years now, from 5am to 4 pm, but then for the last 9 months I had a second job from 4pm to 7pm and getting home at 8.30pm.

The thing is that he doesn't even care.... He always calls us and we call him as well, talk to each other normally etc. But that's because when I learnt everything was left to him, I thought that's all right, my father knew what he was doing, my brother will probably share, or make more money then share with us more etc. But it's been like six years and he doesn't do anything. He knows our living conditions, we don't even have a house, we rent for 4 years now, and he knows it but just does nothing, absolutely nothing.

The other day, for some reason, he called somebody a greedy person. How could he even dare saying that when he himself is so greedy?

What do you think about this all, is this fair? I'm so upset with my father because of what he did, or maybe he didn't think this will happen and the only person to blame is my brother? It's not even in our traditions to leave everything to men - I know some religions or countries have this tradition to leave everything to the oldest men - it wasn't the case with us. So why it happened is still a mystery for me.

What shall I do? Shall I continue as it is? Shall I just stop talking to him at all? I don't care if I don't get the money, but I can't continue it like this anymore. I'm so dissapointed, what would you do in my place?

P.S. I know how much he spends on tips and stuff because on one occassion my son had to stay with him for a week, not voluntarily though, it just happened that we were out of country and he had no other place to go, and so he's seen everything. But even without him seeing it, it was self-evident anyway.