Is it normal to feel this way about your gf?

by **montrel68** » Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:17 pm

I've been with my gf for 5 years, we have a very good relationship and have supported each other through tough times - when her parents got divorced and when I had a series of family problems. I care about her and I am pretty sure she cares for me. I am 26 and she is 24.
But lately I have been fixated on where our relationship is headed. We are living together and so far it has been... okay. I say okay because so many of her habits and some of her actions drive me up the wall and I have to stifle my feelings otherwise I would be yelling at her everyday. One of my biggest concerns is her lack of common sense, she is book smart but she does stupid things like washing her shoes in the kitchen sink (right next to the clean dishes) - no concern about splashing mud.... She throws away all of our used bottles, even after I wash some of them and set them aside for re-use. She has a slight neurotic personality such that she turns small problems in to massive ones - she lets problems drag out for long periods of time and complains about it all to me to the point where I am fixing her problems. She is really dependent on me, she couldnt even complete a FAFSA or even a tax return without my help. She cannot even cook to support herself.
I am in medical school and sometimes she doesnt really understand the pressure I go through just to pass my classes. I try to talk to her about these issues but she is really sensitive and acts really hurt.
I feel like these traits are not ideal in a wife and are strongly detrimental in a mother. The way things are now I am able to be happy with her for a good portion of the day (when I'm not putting up with her ridiculous demands), but I dont see a future in this relationship.
Should I try to make her change or just leave?

by **aviya** » Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:28 pm

You can't "make her change". It doesn't work that way.

And while I agree with Pearl that you need to let go of the idea that your way of doing things is the "right" way, your girlfriend does not sound mature enough to be in a relationship, never mind being a wife or a mother. A marriage is a partnership, and that means both people have to contribute to the practical, everyday stuff. If she can't cook or handle paperwork and acts hurt when you tell her what you need from her, she doesn't really want a boyfriend or husband; she's looking for a daddy.

I would sit her down and tell her that you're ready for an adult relationship, and that you need her to start acting like an adult woman instead of a little girl. Don't bring up things like the shoes in the sink or the bottles -- that's not a lack of common sense, it's her not doing things *your* way. But not being able to cook, do paperwork or solve her own problems is ridiculous for someone her age. Let her know that you're thinking of marriage and children, but that you just don't think she can handle the responsibilities that entails.

She'll probably be hurt, but you have to stand your ground. After this long, you owe her the chance to start making changes and taking more responsibility, but if she doesn't then you have to move on.

by **victorio83** » Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:34 pm

Look, she may be kind of a dumba*s, but no girl is perfect. I have a hunch this relationship has ran it's course for you though, which is normal for a couple who got together so young. Time to decide if you want to really commit or stop wasting eachother's time!

by **tupac** » Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:42 pm

"She has a slight neurotic personality such that she turns small problems in to massive ones" - you mean whinging about stuff like washing shoes in the sink and throwing away used bottles?

by **aldric13** » Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:59 pm

Dam dude she sounds like a train Wreck
Try to FIX her you know get her to help herself cuz it sounds like you're going to be taking care herx for a long time

by **arne33** » Wed Jul 25, 2012 2:04 pm

First off, if you dont feel she is wife or mother material for you & children then that should answer your question of whether to leave or not.

Second, you cant/dont try making someone change its entirely up to them.

Third, a person being dependant on you is another weight tied about the neck & as time passes that weight will become heavier especially when adding children to the mix.

Last, if you love & value her as your mate you should discuss the matters with her & if she doesnt want/try to change then make a decision on what is best.

Personally, i think you should bail!

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