My husband's family takes advantage of him but he doesn't see it.?

[jen]

My husband and I have been married for over 4 years. We have a 1 year old and a second child due in 8 weeks. Both my husband and I work full time. Currently, my husband's mother and sister live in another state. The sister is unemployed and has a 12 year old child who she does not go after the father for child support. The mother 59 years of age who is very healthy and also unemployed but receives approximately $600 a month from my husband for support. My mother in-law uses the excuse for not working because she takes care of the granddaughter; everything from cooking for her, cleaning after her, taking her and picking her up from school. Since the sister has had her child my mother in-law has been the one to raise her.

Now that we have a second child on the way... I feel that my husband should stop giving my in-law the $600 and that she needs to go get a job. The $600 dollars given to her every month can be used for daycare. The way I see it is that we are paying the mother in law to be the care taker for the 12 year old granddaughter. I have spoken to my husband about stopping payment to the in law immediately as this is money that should go to our children. However they make him feel that they should come first and they do not have any family to rely on. When they tell him that they don't have any family near by them it makes me angry because we are a military family and have absolutely no relatives near us, as they have several cousins, aunts uncles and close friends with in just a few miles of them.

I don't know what to do anymore. Financially supporting his family has become very stressful and I feel that they just don't care and very inconsiderate. Their excuse is that in the "hispanic culture" the man of the family always provides... I think that is a bunch of bull... I have expressed to my mother and sister in law that my husband is MY HUSBAND and that he is just a brother, son and niece to them. He is not married to them he is married to me and that I and his children should come first. The in-laws think otherwise.

Any suggestions????

[aenedleah10]

Try to make him aware gradually.

[spengler]

Your husband is easily manipulated by them!! If your mother in law is healthy she should work! Same with his sister. That's not his responisiblity to pay for her child! If she really wants the money that bad she will go after the baby daddy and apply for child support. You and your family should be first!! Honestly this is affecting your marriage and it's only going to get worse if you don't tell him exactly how you feel!! I understand the culture thing but this sounds expected rather than appreciated!! You have a baby on the way and he is disrecpecting you and so is his family! You just really need to explain your side and if he's not willing to listen then you need to figure something out. Good luck!

[luther]

A way I see for your husband to stop giving money to his mother who refuses to work, is for the 12 year olds mother to go after the father for child support. The grandmother or the mother of the child, could also apply for some type of assistance for the child and get medical, a food stamp card and maybe even social security. But the father of the 12 year old child definitely needs to be pursued for child support. If the grandmother or the mother applies for assistance, the state will automatically pursue the father for child support. Maybe you could get your husband to encourage his mother or the mother of the child to apply for assistance.
Good luck! : D