Are my girlfriends family taking advantage of me?

by **crosbey** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:48 pm

I feel really bad asking this but i feel a little taken advantage of and i don't know if i am being selfish or if you would feel the same...

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 and a bit months and spend a lot of time with her and the family.

We have been out to dinner all together about 8 times and all but twice, i have paid. Not that i minded, i just thought it was nice.

Once i gave her mum and brother a lift to their exercise classes there and back and now each week i get asked if i can take them and pick them up. I can't really say no, so i take them. It has turned into a regular thing, me giving lifts as they do not have a car of their own. The parents both work full time and so do i, but i don't earn a lot and still have to pay rent and stuff. Maybe as i work for a law firm they think i earn loads, i don't know.

The other week, her dad needed some fans for the house so i went to get them, they were about £30, and i didn't get the money back.

Last week, me and Lou got back from Florida and her dad asked for some duty free cigarettes, so i got them, that was £24, and i never got the money back either. Lou said i should ask him but i don't want to.

Finally, we are planning to go to the cinema this week to see Batman and her dad asked me if i could book the tickets. I said sure, but that's like £55 for everyone and i don't know if i will get that back either.

I don't mind paying for Lou but am i being taken advantage of? I don't think he is doing it on purpose by the way, just starting to get to me a bit...

by **webb** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:50 pm

you should say to him you have paid but you and lou but would he mind paying for the others

by **hagaleah** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:52 pm

yes you're definitely being taken advantage of

by **muata2** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:03 pm

Stop being such a mug ! letting people take advantage of you liek this is crazy.You have only been dating the girl a very short time so stop being so generous.
Remind her dad for the money for the cigs and fans,if you continue being a doormat they will take you for a huge ride.

by **giulio** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:08 pm

Yes they sure are taking the **** if I were in your shoes this is what i would do don't spend time there and be to busy at yours to give lifts to anyone tell your girlfriend that you don't mind paying for her as she is your princess however you will not be paying for her family as you are now saving to get your own place and can not afford to surly she must see whats going on tell her you are not on good money and your own family would always come before hers

by **edin** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:17 pm

Wow, you got yourself into a very tricky situation. You're a far too nice guy and you can;t say no... or rather you'd rather not say no to your girlfriend's family- that is completely understandable since you want to make a good impression. But for them to make you pay every bloody time. Paying for everyone's dinners 6/8 times?!!?? My mouth is wide open right now btw, her father should feel ashamed of himself, is that your family or his? SMFH!

It would be unfair to blame your girlfriend, but this will (if its not already) create problems for the two of you. No one likes bringing up money, its just an uneasy subject. Lets face it, you are not going to get any of that money back, count your losses and let that be. With regard to the movie tickets, tell her dad that you have exceeded the limit on your credit card and you wont have time to go to the ticket office to pick up tickets, something of the sort but DO NOT buy everyone's, please. And then, when you see him, offer to pay for yours and your girlfriend's, DO IT. But do it politely :)

this giving the mum and bro lifts is some bull ****, how did they go before you were around? What are you? A bloody taxi!? Unavail yourself. When you take them today, tell them you won't be available for the rest of this week as you need to work late or something. tell your girlfriend this too, dont tell her that any of these things are lies- that won't go down very well...

the bottom line is, these are the ways of her family and you sound like a mature guy who needs to start thinking long term now. is this the type of family you realistically see yourself with on a long term basis? because, like I said, this is the ways of her family... this is the way they do things and they see nothing wrong in it. her dad things its a-okay to ask someone to get duty-free ciggs and then not repay them, her dad, the man of the house thinks its okay to have his daughter's biyfriend pay for dinners, Im sorry but that is just FARKED up on so many levels- what happened to the man's dignity.

Just a question, do you do half the things you do for them for your own family? ponder that.

I hope you find a way to work a way out of this free-loading situation youve gotten yourself into. This kind of stuff, not only cheating and lies, can also be detrimental to a relationship. essentially, love is not enough.

by **ahanu** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:19 pm

Yes they are using you. You need to speak to your girlfriend and ask her to have a word with her family about this. She doesn't need to say "hey Ben has asked me to say something" but she can say "I've noticed that you are asking Ben to do a lot for you with no thanks or paying him back when he buys things for you".

As for the meals, before people start ordering you need to ask what's going to happen with the bill so that you're not left with it.

KD

by **sayre** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:28 pm

Yes, you are letting yourself be taken advantage of. You need to fix this immediately or the relationship is over. You weren't even supposed to meet her family for 5-6 months. And here you are buying them things and driving them everywhere. They can find a very cheap car just to get them back & forth.

Luckily, working at a law firm gives you a perfect excuse. Start today and tell them you can't drive them to the class this week and they need to find another way there. From now on, you are only going to see your girlfriend one day per week because you are BUSY with lots of things. You don't give details, you just say you are BUSY. You only give her about a 20 minute phone call between dates. When the topic of driving the family around comes up, just apologize and say you are BUSY.

You will find out within 2 weeks if your girlfriend likes you, or if she expects to to take care of her family after only 2-3 months of dating. It is a good indication of your future if you keep dating her. She may be a great girl, but you did not sign up to take care of her family needs. They survived before you somehow.

You need to find out if she is interested in you, or your WALLET!

by **ezri** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:33 pm

Your Answer:
Dear Ben,
Thank you for reaching out to us. I understand your frustration with with situation of feeling like you are being taken advantage of. Before this really start to get to you I would ask that you set some boundaries with her family.
The mother and brother some how had transportation to and from the exercise class before they asked you, set boundries with them on this. You do not need to feel obligated to transport them to this class it is not your responsiblity to transport them. You need to set boundries with them.
When the father asks you to pick something up for him you can, hand him the receipt for the item and wait for the money you spent. If he does not pay you, then he is taking advantage of you. I would stop picking things up for him and start setting bounderies with this family.
This is a hard thing to do, If you would like to talk about this issue with a counselor, please don’t hesitate to phone the Boys Town National Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-3000 or go www.yourlifeyourvoice.org
and we can talk in more detail on how to set bounderies.

by **jorian23** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:46 pm

As hard as it is. i think you need to stand up for yourselves and stop giving them money
good luck :)

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