My mother in law had chosen me to die in the operation, is that even normal?

[rushford79]

my mother in law always had this jealousy for me and i kind of despised her all through this myself, but gave her respect, given that she is elder to me and also happens to be my lover's mother.
2 weeks ago i lost my child in child birth and it has pained me enough. however my husband has stopped talking to his mother and i didn't know until yesterday when i coaxed him to tell me why.
he told me that when i was sent in emergency room, doc came out n told my husband n my mom in law about the fate and that my hubby had to choose between me and the child. while my hubby chose me, his mom told him to keep the child instead. this angered my guy even more when his mother told him its worse to lose the child. but he stood his ground in keeping me!
my mother in law left soon as she believed that a woman who kills her own child in any circumstance is a witch, thats me...(which i am not). but i didnt even have the choice, i wasnt even in a conscious state to choose and if i had to, i knew my son wud have lived.
what hurts me is, could my mother in law have actually felt happier if i died n the child remained? and how on earth could i be a witch? i wasnt responding and the feeling cant be explained. it was like my rebirth.
i just wanna go and insult that bi*ch of a mom in law and let her know that she has no right to say sh*t about me. i also wanna insult her so bad that she is herself a fu*king witch who may have prayed for my death. shall i just say that to her?
i hate her so much now. she can't even come around when we need her. i have no family, i was the lone survivor in a fire. all i have is my husband and now his dad who is very understanding.
i wanna kill myself, but i dont know how. i wanted the child. i get the milk and its emotionally draining when it all goes waste.
what should i do.

[hackett]

Your mother in law had no say in the decision. None.

This decision was up to your husband alone and it was likely the most difficult thing he'll ever have to do.

You cannot assume how she would have felt had things been different. She clearly has her beliefs and is sticking with them. That's fine...but you don't have to be a part of that.

Let it go and move on with your husband. You don't need to be around her and getting in her face won't solve anything.


right now, you need to see a psychiatrist and get help. The doctor will help you get through this and help you with your losses. Your husband should go with you too. Concentrate on healing...not cussing someone out.

[troyes]

Live with out her in your life period . She owes you both an apology . It was your husbands choice and his only' YOU need to see a councilor about grieving . I'm sure he feels bad enough that he had to make a choice it must hurt him alot also . So you two need to consol each other . Dont even talk to her for a long time when your all thinking better .