Question for ladies - how should normal relations with your (future) mother-in-law look like?

[gedalyahu]

Hello,

When a woman is in a serious relationship with a man or married to him, his family in most cases becomes a part of her life. In many instances there is some obvious or hidden tension between the young woman and her boyfriend's/ husband's mother. I think many women get very disappointed by their male partners if they are not independent enough of their mothers and prefer to stay passive if there is a confrontation between the two women - a man who has been a dream boyfriend/husband can quickly turn into a 'jerk', 'mom's boy' in the young woman's eyes and the respect she has had for him will be damaged.
I wonder, however, how do young women see normal relations with a guy's mother - how often do you think your boyfriend/husband should call his mother, how often should they see each other if they live in the same place or near each other, what is a 'normal' pattern? I am curious to hear your opinions, thank you!

[tripp]

Im my husbands second wife and we have a daughter together. He also has 2 other kids with his ex. My husbands mom talks to the ex like everyday and his mom takes the kids a lot. But me and my daughter are the "extra" in her eyes she does not like me or my daughter.

[fyfe]

I have no idea how often my husband talks to his mother, because that is their relationship and not my business. I am not threatened by her place in his life because I am not trying to replace her. I am glad to be with a man who understands the importance of family.

[curney13]

Been married 12 years and I get along with my MIL fairly well.

However, after we'd been married a few years, she'd been drinking at a family get together one night and blurted out -to everyone there and right in front of me- that she had hoped that her son (my husband) would have married this other girl he dated before me :( He wasn't there and didn't hear her say it.

That really hurt. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for like an hour. When I told him about it later , he called her and raised hell and made her apologize to me. That made me realize that it doesn't really matter what she thinks...I'm his wife and I come first. And that's how it SHOULD be.

[aswynn81]

I doubt there is a "normal" measurement here. Some people talk to their family daily and some go months at a time without even thinking about it. Health and age issues come into play as well.

I think that if you live in the same town then having the in-laws over for a meal once a month and calling them briefly every Saturday morning is completely acceptable and well within bounds. An occasional meet-up in town for a cup of coffee or something would be nice if you actually enjoy each others company and a popover to the folks' place one a month is good too. That's once a month in both homes and a few phone calls. Plenty for most grownups. For some people that is too much and for some people that would seem cold and remote and unloving. In my immediate family that would be considered extremely attentive.

If there are grave health concerns or a need for home care or if the parents are in their late 80's... different arrangements likely should be made.

[osmont]

My husband calls his mom about once a month and has a decent conversation (half an hour to an hour or so I'd guess). I'm surprised it isn't a bit more, but he isn't a phone person. We live about 10 hours from my in laws. We lived next door to them for a while, we would chat with them almost daily then. My mother in law and I both garden so we would be outside a lot.

I call my mother in law a couple times a month to say hi or tell her something about our son. I also text and email them fairly often.

[calin]

Frankly men presently crude at recipricating the affection that we bestow for them.

Usually I find myself between a argument between my my heart and my brain.

Over time i have learned that affection dissapear but your feelings torwards yourself never fade when dealing with a man use your guts!